Pirates first baseman Randall Simon arrested for assaulting Italian Sausage - U2 Feedback

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Old 07-10-2003, 09:24 PM   #1
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Pirates first baseman Randall Simon arrested for assaulting Italian Sausage

MILWAUKEE -- In a bizarre scene during a popular costume race at Milwaukee Brewers games, Pittsburgh Pirates first baseman Randall Simon bopped a woman dressed as a huge Italian sausage with a bat and was arrested.

Prosecutors decided Thursday not to file criminal charges, though Simon was fined $432 for disorderly conduct.

The incident happened during the seventh-inning stretch, as four team employees dressed as an oversized bratwurst, a hot dog and Italian and Polish sausages were racing past the Pirates' dugout.

As they jogged by, Simon swatted the Italian sausage, who went down in a heap. The giant hot dog stumbled over the sausage and also tumbled to the ground. The two women wearing the costumes were treated for scraped knees.

The 18-year-old woman in the Italian sausage costume, Mandy Block, thought the whole thing was "kind of funny."

"It just seems ridiculous," Block told WTMJ-TV of Milwaukee. "It's like a big sausage getting hit by a bat causes all this controversy. It just seems kind of funny to me.

"It wasn't that big of a blow. I think just because I'm so small and it's such a big costume that I tumbled."

"It was very strange," Pirates outfielder Reggie Sanders said.

Simon was booked for misdemeanor battery, but Deputy District Attorney Jon Reddin said Thursday that the women "were not interested in having him charged criminally" and didn't believe Simon meant to hurt them, so the battery charges were dismissed.

Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig issued a statement Thursday afternoon.

"Major League Baseball deeply regrets the incident that took place at Miller Park last night and extends its regards to the victims. We are reviewing the situation pending the disposition of the criminal charges against Randall Simon of the Pittsburgh Pirates.

"Obviously, the type of behavior exhibited by Mr. Simon is anathema to the family entertainment that we are trying to provide in our ball parks and is wholly unacceptable.

Simon said he didn't deliberately try to knock down the 18-year-old in the sausage costume.

"That wasn't my intention in my heart for that to happen," he said before a Thursday game at Miller Park. "I was just trying to get a tap at the costume and for her to finish the race."

"I thought at the moment they were trying to play with us. They were running right next to the players," he said. "I'm a fun player, and I've never hurt anyone in my life."

Rock 102, a Milwaukee radio station, will allow listeners to take swings at a Simon pinata later in the afternoon.

Simon said after the game that he hoped to apologize to the woman before he left Milwaukee. Earlier Thursday, however, he said he had talked to her and, "I don't need to talk to her again. So I got nothing to say."

Sanders said he thought the weight of the sausage costume contributed to the fall. "It maybe made it look worse than it was," Sanders said. "It was an unfortunate situation and, hopefully, it gets resolved."

Rick Schlesinger, the Brewers' executive vice president for business operations, said he felt Simon's "conduct is just unjustified."

The Pirates issued a statement Thursday saying they do not condone Simon's behavior and will address the issue internally.

Later that day, four new people were inside the costumes, and Pirates players moved into the dugout and away from the field during the race.

"They're rounding the Pirates dugout -- they've made it safely," said Robb Edwards, the Brewers announcer, to the wild cheers of fans on their feet.

Fittingly, the Italian sausage won.

Information from The Associated Press was used in this report.





Police report: Sausagegate
ESPN Page 2 staff

Remember this: Randall Simon is innocent until proven guilty. Page 2 has received a copy of the complete police report from the incident, so read through the evidence before you declare Simon be sent to jail.

Date: July 9, 2003

The crime: Alleged misdemeanor battery (assault on a sausage with a baseball bat)

The victim: Italian Sausage

The alleged perpetrator: Pittsburgh Pirates first baseman Randall Simon

Scene of the crime: Third-base side of Miller Park, Milwaukee, Wis.

Witnesses: Polish Sausage, Bratwurst, Hot Dog, 25 Pittsburgh Pirates, 25 Milwaukee Brewers and at least 50 people in the stands.

The incident: As the four sausages were coming toward the finish line during their traditional race after the sixth inning, Simon allegedly whacked Italian Sausage over the head with a wood bat (presumably uncorked), causing the meat of the savory Italian variety to fall to the ground and also trip up the Hot Dog in the process. The Polish and the Brat somehow managed to escape harm.

The Italian Sausage was treated at the scene for scraped knees (sausages have knees?), and was last seen diving into a cab with a towel over its head and rushing to a local hospital with three members of its entourage. The Hot Dog also suffered scraped outer casing. The Bratwurst won the race and refused to cooperate with investigators on the scene. Baseball commissioner Bud Selig declared the race "a tie" -- as is tradition for all controversial events at Miller Park.

One TV reporter claimed he had known the Italian Sausage since he "came into baseball as just a small link" and that it would be totally "out of character" for the sausage to provoke anyone.

Physical evidence: Raw meat remnants along the third-base line indicate that a fall took place. Ketchup stains were spotted as far away as the second deck. Simon's bat (taken into custody) smelled like a Fourth of July barbeque.

One witness said the entire incident was a blur, but that it appeared the Italian Sausage was attacked by either a large blob of mustard or a large banana. Investigators noted that Simon was wearing the Pirates' all-yellow throwback uniform from head to toe.

Simon's alibi: Official baseball statistics show Simon has not had a hit in the month of July, so the chances of the .272-hitter being able to nail a speeding sausage are very slim. Also, Simon claims to be a vegetarian and says he would never "harm a sausage or any other meat product."

Simon also claimed the sausage was "going down anyway" and said "it's impossible to run with a head that big because it makes you top heavy." He also claimed that he never actually made contact with the sausage's head because "that freakin' chef hat is a foot and a half tall."

Possible motive(s): Witnesses near the Pirates dugout claim they heard Simon declare that he felt the Italian Sausage was "a real brat." One anonymous teammate claimed Simon had "bet Wednesday's meal money" on the race and made a panicked attempt to try to fix the race at the last minute.

Character assessment: It should also be noted that Simon is a notorious free-swinger who hacks at just about anything. Weighing in at 242 pounds for his booking, the 6-foot Simon also doesn't appear to be a man who is truly abstaining from meat.

The suspect entered the interview room with mustard smudges on his shirt and a glob of relish on his bottom lip. Interrogating officers, shocked by his casual disregard for the gravity of the situation, and troubled by his cruel, steely gaze, wiped his face clean and pushed him into a chair. The suspect responded only with a belch and a sick, satisfied chuckle.

Possible accomplice: After the hot dog tripped over the fallen Italian Sausage, the Polish Sausage turned to help its injured racers The Bratwurst, however, kept on going and crossed the finish line in first place. After the race, the Brat claimed innocence. "Somebody had to (win), I guess," it said. However, the Brat does trail the season race standings.

Possible conspirator: Last September, officials from PETA faxed the Brewers asking that the Veggie Dog (aka "Soysage") be added to the sausage race. "If given a sporting chance, our lean, mean veggie dog might run rings around those fatty 'brats' in the sausage race," PETA's Dan Shannon said at the time. "The Veggie Dog would be a big hit, especially with hip, young baseball fans." The request was turned down by the Brewers, however.

Considering PETA's history of violent protest, we advise an interview with Mr. Shannon and place a trace on phone calls from Mr. Shannon's office or house to the Pirates' clubhouse.
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Old 07-10-2003, 10:17 PM   #2
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What a weenie.
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Old 07-10-2003, 10:42 PM   #3
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i keep seeing that on the news and despite what an ass that guy is and how horrible it looked, i keep laughing. it's something about the news guys talking about a sausage getting its ass kicked makes me giggle.

he still sucks though.
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Old 07-10-2003, 10:55 PM   #4
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what do you think this is, the sports forum?

the real person in the suits head only goes up to the bow tie, and he hit the huge head on top of the costume, so he didnt even hit the person.

they decided not to charge him for battery, but still got a 500 dollar fine for something, which is probably appropriate.

this is why you should beat your sausage in private.
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Old 07-10-2003, 10:57 PM   #5
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Old 07-10-2003, 10:57 PM   #6
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the real travesty is i had a $50,000 bet on the italian sausage and it was winning at the time of the unfortunate accident
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Old 07-10-2003, 11:11 PM   #7
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I would have liked to see that.

The Polish sausage never wins.
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Old 07-10-2003, 11:18 PM   #8
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what a sausage fest.
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Old 07-10-2003, 11:35 PM   #9
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ask and ye shall recieve avsgirl

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Old 07-10-2003, 11:36 PM   #10
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red x.
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Old 07-10-2003, 11:41 PM   #11
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your butt is a red x
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Old 07-10-2003, 11:44 PM   #12
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Thanks, Chizip!!

I'm tempted to use that in my signature.

Why are the other sausages in clearly ethnic outfits, but the Polish sausage is wearing just regular clothes?
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Old 07-10-2003, 11:48 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally posted by Chizip
your butt is a red x
whatever assface. it was a red x and now it's fixed.



and my butt is not a red x. loser.

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Old 07-10-2003, 11:51 PM   #14
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i was just kidding sheesh

we all know your ass looks more like a green light
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Old 07-11-2003, 12:04 AM   #15
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how did you know?
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