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Old 05-07-2004, 10:12 AM   #1
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Peter Kay's Universal Truths



1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong.
22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
24) You never ever run out of salt.
25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who
has had their arm broken by a swan.
30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and
stepping on an upturned plug.
31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin
piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
36) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
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Old 05-07-2004, 10:20 AM   #2
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Old 05-07-2004, 10:25 AM   #3
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Re: Peter Kay's Universal Truths

Quote:
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27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
So true.
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Old 05-07-2004, 01:56 PM   #4
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Quote:
Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
All my uncles did that to us, thats a whole lot of uncles
The terrible twin cousins used to tickle me with their horrible long sharp false nails and they used to think I loved being tickled, I always felt like throwing up/ crying. They also used to grab one of your feet and one arm and spin you round and round they called it the goldfish game, they did it until you felt ill then let you stumble around the garden feeling extremley dizzy.
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Old 05-07-2004, 02:18 PM   #5
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#27 is even worse when you are naked.
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Old 05-07-2004, 02:20 PM   #6
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Re: Peter Kay's Universal Truths

Quote:
Originally posted by bammo2



33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.


And I could never help...you know...checking to see if it was there. Just in case.

sd
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Old 05-07-2004, 03:16 PM   #7
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Old 05-07-2004, 04:04 PM   #8
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Quote:
30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and
stepping on an upturned plug
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 05-07-2004, 04:50 PM   #9
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Re: Peter Kay's Universal Truths

Quote:
Originally posted by bammo2
2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
...and she is usually Meggie.
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Old 05-07-2004, 05:04 PM   #10
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Re: Peter Kay's Universal Truths

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Originally posted by bammo2
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
I hadn't done this before.
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Old 05-07-2004, 07:41 PM   #11
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Re: Peter Kay's Universal Truths

Quote:
Originally posted by bammo2


6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
I have done both #7 and #10, so now I feel manly and daring

and I can vouch for #6,14,25,28 and 34


thanks I needed a good laugh.
Who is Peter Kay btw?
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Old 05-08-2004, 08:00 AM   #12
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Old 05-09-2004, 08:32 AM   #13
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Peter Kay is a UK comedian. He's a yorkshireman and he's most famous for a comedy called Phoenix Nights

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Old 05-09-2004, 02:41 PM   #14
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Re: Peter Kay's Universal Truths

11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.

I do
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