Oregon Trail: Interference Edition

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the journey to oregon continues... the entire party still a little shaken up by the sudden loss of 3 oxen, not to mention our clothes. nerves were high as yet another river approached...

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whew... upon succesful caulking of the raft we can only come to one conclusion...waynetravis can suck it :madspit:

Onward, Ho!
 
Headache in a Suitcase said:
the journey to oregon continues... the entire party still a little shaken up by the sudden loss of 3 oxen, not to mention our clothes. nerves were high as yet another river approached...

273897641_4c159f2d97.jpg


whew... upon succesful caulking of the raft we can only come to one conclusion...waynetravis can suck it :madspit:

Onward, Ho!

:lmao:!!
 
the earth appears to suddenly and unexplainedly flip 180 degrees

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late one night, fake edge decides to whip out his guitar and show off his skills with a nice rendition of gone. trying extra hard to prove that he is, in fact, the real edge, fake edge takes the guitar at the end of the song and throws it to the floor before kicking it... right into bessie the oxen's eye. good job, fake edge... douchebag :mad:

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gasps! what a rotten couple of days! first sicy falls off the wagon in a tragic salsa accident...

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..and then bessie, our beloved oxen who was injured by that douchearama fake edge, sucumbs to her diseases...

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:sad: rest in peace, bessie... all the senseless oxen deaths.. why god, why!!!

the mood is quite somber as we pull into independence rock... the mood lightens a bit as zoney points out that the mountains in the distance look like a vagina. oh that zoney... what a character

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zoney, who's remained naked despite the replacement of our clothes (thanks again waynetravis :mad: ), finally sucumbs to the weather, as he feels like he's coming down with something...

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no worries, though... upon our arrival at south pass, a village people tribute band lightens the mood, as zoney joins them on stage for a stirring rendition of "in the navy"

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but alas... it's decision time once again... which way shall we go? we report, you decide...

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a wise man once said... "never trust waynetravis"

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we march on towards the green river. our health, it seems, has taken a drastic turn for the worst. the water is bad, and it appears as if we've picked up some bad weed from a stoned out native american at our last stop...

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we arrive at the green river, which is blue, ironicly enough... and this time, we opt to hop the ferry across the river.

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our successful fery ride proves once again... waynetravis is a douche :mad:
 
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a sever thunderstorm causes some delay... fake edge attempts to break out some electrical storm falsetto's, to mixed success.

we use this day off to our advantage, deciding to go out for a hunt to replenish our dwindling food supplies.

diamond is the obvious choice, considering how all republicans are in the NRA and all. and indeed it was a good choice. he bagged himself a fine meaty bear!

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fake edge attempts to make a pun about how we gave death to a bear and all... get it? deathbear? hahaha

no one laughed but fake edge. he's not funny. he's a fucking douchebag.

after the hunt we move on to soda springs, where an amish gentleman appears to be molesting a young boy with his foot. strange folks out here in the country. strange indeed.

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tragedy strikes yet another one of our oxen. it appears that zoney dropped a large steel erection onto one of our oxen. the blow from the erection killed the ox instantly. how long must we sing this song, poor oxen? :sad:

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we arrive at snake river... snakes... on a river!!!... and we're greated by the single ugliest indian you've ever met in your life. zoney thinks she's cute. he'd hit that.

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the native american guide helps us float our wagon across the river... all she asked for in exchange was zoney's virginity. he gladly obliged.

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almost out of food... that diamond's quite the eater... we stop at fort boise and pick up 500 pounds of potatoes. fake edge tries to make a joke about irish and potatoes. we just stare at him and shake our heads. what a douche.

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already healing from her salsa induced broken leg, sicy has yet another unfortunate incident. while attempting to ride one of the oxen, she falls and breaks her arm. we all laugh.

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diamond, used to traveling in fine jeep/eagle automobiles, clearly can't take life in a wagon. or maybe he caught mono from that indian tour guide. who knows.

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meanwhile, sicy's ailments continue... the girl just can't catch a break. will she be able to hold on and make it to oregon?

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