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Old 03-09-2006, 04:46 PM   #496
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This one time...my friend told a really bad joke...about three people in a line...i'll try to explain it.

(front of line) (back of line)

Let's say Bono's at the front and Adam's at the back...
Then Edge says that there are two people behind him, and Adam says that there are also two people behind him...why do they say that?
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Old 03-09-2006, 04:47 PM   #497
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why?
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Old 03-09-2006, 04:48 PM   #498
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Because they're lying!!!



....I know it's really lame but it sounds funny when you say it..

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Old 03-09-2006, 04:49 PM   #499
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"Fr. Buzz Cagney: You know what I do with $400? I wipe my ass with it.
Father Ted: Good God. And can that still be used as legal tender? "

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Old 03-09-2006, 04:50 PM   #500
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^*shakes head* bad joke, bad joke
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Old 03-09-2006, 04:52 PM   #501
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Okay here are some of my favourite quotes from my favourite show

"[to his pet rabbit]
Father Dougal: Come on, Sampras.
Father Ted: What did you call him?
Father Dougal: Sampras, like Pete Sampras.
Father Ted: Why?
Father Dougal: Well... you know, rabbits, tennis, you know that whole connection there. "

"Father Ted: Ah, Sister Assumpta!
Sister Assumpta: Hello Father!
Father Ted: Dougal, Dougal, do you remember Sister Assumpta?
Father Dougal: Er, no.
Father Ted: She was here last year! And then we stayed with her in the convent, back in Kildare. Do you remember it? Ah, you do! And then you were hit by the car when you went down to the shops for the paper. You must remember all that? And then you won a hundred pounds with your lottery card? Ah, you must remember it, Dougal!
[Dougal shakes his head]
Sister Assumpta: And weren't you accidentally arrested for shoplifting? I remember we had to go down to the police station to get you!... And the police station went on fire? And you had to be rescued by helicopter?
Father Ted: Do you remember? You can't remember any of that? The helicopter! When you fell out of the helicopter! Over the zoo! Do you remember the tigers?
[Dougal shakes his head some more]
Father Ted: You don't remember? You were wearing your blue jumper.
Father Dougal: Ah, Sister Assumpta! "

don't say that isn't funny
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Old 03-09-2006, 04:53 PM   #502
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^it's interesting, the second part is better than the first
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Old 03-09-2006, 04:54 PM   #503
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"Father Dougal: It's like a big tide of jam coming toward us, but jam made out of old women. "

"[Ted answers the phone]
Bishop Brennan: Crilly, It's me.
Father Ted: Oh Feck!
Bishop Brennan: What?
Father Ted: [in French accent] Who ees thees? Zere is no Creely 'ere.
[Ted hangs up]
Father Ted: God almighty! I just said "feck" to Bishop Brennan!
Father Dougal: Oho! He won't like that!
Father Ted: It might be alright though. I disguised my voice so he'd think he dialled the wrong number.
[phone rings, Ted picks it up]
Father Ted: Ah, Bishop Brennan. I think you must have got the wrong number when you called there. "


What about them?
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Old 03-09-2006, 04:58 PM   #504
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^
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Old 03-09-2006, 04:58 PM   #505
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^^the first one's icky and the second one is okay
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Old 03-09-2006, 04:59 PM   #506
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"Father Dougal: How did you meet him in the first place?
Father Ted: He was introduced to me by Father Jim Dougan, we were at a conference. Dougan came up and said "This is Father Stone", and ran out of the building."

"Mrs Doyle: What would you say to a cup father?
[offers him a cup of tea]
Father Jack Hackett: FECK OFF, CUP! "

"Father Ted: I know what's going on, Pat Mustard. There are some very hairy babies on Craggy Island, and I think you are the hairy baby-maker.
Pat Mustard: Oh, yeah? Well, I think that you would need proof if you were going to make that sort of an accusation. And I'm a very careful man, Father. A very careful man!
Father Ted: Except when it comes to taking precautions in the bedroom.
Pat Mustard: Ah, w-... you certainly wouldn't be advising the use of artificial contraception now, Father, would you?
Father Ted: Yes, I... well... if you're going to be... of course you will... JUST FECK OFF! "

"Father Dougal: What are you doing Dougal?
Father Ted: Watching television Ted.
Father Ted: Chewing gum for the eyes.
Father Dougal: No thanks Ted"

how can you not find these funny, the show is the greatest

^^ At least someone understands comedy
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Old 03-09-2006, 05:03 PM   #507
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i like the contraception one
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Old 03-09-2006, 05:06 PM   #508
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^ Finally, I made you laugh witha Father Ted quote
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Old 03-09-2006, 05:09 PM   #509
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^yes, your mission is now accomplished
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Old 03-09-2006, 05:11 PM   #510
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Now what am I supposed to do, to take my mind off the fact that Kate is gone
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