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Old 04-10-2003, 01:23 PM   #16
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It sounds like the gig in NYC on July 4th is really going to happen though. Ryan said it's going to be at Battery Park, and it's going to be free. If it is true...damn, do I want to go. I've always wanted to go to NYC as it is, and that would be the icing on the cake. People are already making plans. I want to wait until I hear something more firm though.
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Old 04-11-2003, 01:31 AM   #17
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He just posted this tonight:

"okay, okay. i have a minute and i wanna explain myself to you nice people in the computer. Sans Moroccan Hash anyways. This is what I was on about last night. What I shouldve said is, "Im thinking about not releasing a record this year. at least, im thinking that maybe id have more fun doing something else. yes, currently im pretty grossed out with it all and you know, thats just life. everybody gets tired of their own little world, and well, i hate mine cause its never really mine. This person "SMJ, or whoever they were, they said it best.,....who would wanna play with him anyway with him being late and drunk and the lights are too bright" dont fuck up somebody elses good thing"....tthats not a direct quote but this person has it right. ......whats funny is , all i wanted when i play live is one set of lights. i mean, its not fucking starwars up there and i hate shows with all that fire and fucking laser beams....so im a prima donna because i want LESS. i get called a prima donna for that. fuckinf twat. I wanted it to be about the music not the lights.......THIS IS A SIMPLE EXAMPLE OF PETTY SHIT IHAVE TO GET all so i can play music the way i wanna. the whole thing about getting drunk...well yeah. i love it. love to get high. i dont shove it down anybodys throat but i do, im not gonna pretend i dont. AM I A SLACK MOTHERFUCKER? do i miss work because i get high. fucking no. i record 6 records three or four of which you dont have and maybe now you have some because of kazaa. (which by the way i totally support) but fuck you for your constant insensitivity and may i say that, outside of all this incredible support that i feel all the time from all these great people who love rock music, the negative bits are so fucking outrageous. i like music as much as i ever did. if i have to listen to one more fucking asshole go on about the "way it should be" or the things that didnt happen when they shouldve maybe i wont love it as much. I c ant fucking wait to make more records and i dont care how DRAMATIC im sounding. i just plain ole think ill have a better time doing it for myself for awhile. not doing it in front of people, for people, and espcially DESPITTE people. Its a real crap time out there for me. i hate it. so maybe ill go and work with somebody else for awhile....you know...CONTRIBUTE to their thing and have my amp and my own little space yto fill and go and do other shit......................you know at some point, it feels like a bunch of lies. cause im not pushing anything on anybody. im not trying to sell rock roll relegion to anybody. i just loved it. i cant believe how much gets focused on getting wasted (which i NEVER am live by the way as much as i smoke or have some wine its impossible to fucking catch that kind of buzz in the middle of playing 20 fucking songs...sorry)...(well, maybe alitttttttle buzz) but i digress...because this response from this person it was perfect and the reason i wanted to come back on here and expland this thought. I dont QUIT my life or rocknroll or anything and FUCK YES i may change my mind tommorow but as for right now, i think i kind of like the idea of kicking around and catching up on alot of REAL things like not dealing with fuck-headed peoples opinions all the time. as tough as anybody is, like Lou -Reed tough, its impossible at some point to not be affected by what your tiny ass world thinks of you and the part of that which is negative does have affect. I wasnt ever trying to be ROCK "STAR". i was actually being the same assshole i woulve been anyway except i wouldve quietly gotten away with it because you dont dissect and revere and hate the guy at the end of the bar that dosent have a story. you just dont care. the fact that for two seconds i had to be shallow enough to contemplate my place in all this is reason enough to fuck off for awhie or ever. i mean,...its just fucking records. its so crap its so not real dialogue. i love it, dont get me wrong, but i dont fucking love it that much...............anyway the only reason i said anything was becaause at some point people might wonder"what the fuck" and i dunno what the deal is with all these recordings and whatever but im sure theres enough around to do whatever anybody wants. Im not FRANTIC or being A fucking CRYBABY. I just dont giv e a shit. i give sso much of a shit about so many other things that fuck this sounds very nice. to be perfectly honest i find what i do pathetic at best and it will be a great burden lifted off my shoulders to not have to hear my own voice shredding my nerves out of my skull. it might be nice playing some guitar though. anyhow this is all very long winded and EMBARRASING, BUT I THOUGHT ITD sound more complete sans moroccan hash which, incidentally, is godamn mindblowing........i hope we get some more snow. the orther night was such a dream. ive missed every snow in nyc from being gone in the last three years and two nights ago i wouldve fucked this citys brains out it was so georgeous. hell of a place to live. p.s. the show on the 4th isnt a last shebbang or anything it was booked for awhile so it isnt some CHER thing. its just a gig, and ill probably play the same old shit i always play with THe Pinkhearts wholl be there as well, hopefully with one mister Bucky Baxter back in the saddle. im off for some drinks. ta-ta- lovelys,....im sure ill regret writing any of this shit anyway. whatever."
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Old 04-11-2003, 01:33 AM   #18
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wanker! though I do like that sylvia plath song...
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Old 04-11-2003, 01:46 AM   #19
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I also found this that he posted:

"most everybody has been real nice and cool about my little mariah cary 0n-line meltdown and i appreciate that. so thank you guys. youre the best and all the nice shit you guys say. and especiallly the assholes because it is in you that i shall find my salvation. (or some smartass henry miller ass comment here). by the way i hope you guys found that kenny roby record "rather not know" man that record kicks ass. apparently caitlin made a new one but i cant find it. anyhow the phones ringing like crazy gotta go. bye for now, ta-ta- bonjour or bonswa or whatthefuck ever"

Looks like shit was just really getting to him...he probably just needed to chill for a bit.
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Old 04-11-2003, 01:59 AM   #20
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Ahhh, I love me some Ryan. I really do.

I just love that he writes all this shit online. Seriously. I love that diary of his.
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Old 04-11-2003, 02:01 AM   #21
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He started a new thread called "oh yeah" and posted this:

"p.s. its wicked fun not posting in all caps. i even figured out the google image thing. awesome."

Ryan's gonna turn into an Internet geek.
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