How do I start? Hmm. How about this. The show ended and my cell phone rang. It was TVGuide.com's own Daniel Coleridge. I answered because I was dying to hear what he thought of tonight's two-hour season finale. Daniel's a good friend and besides, he's the one who covered Nip/Tuck for Watercooler before I took over this season. "I'm disappointed!" declared Daniel. "Me too!" said I. So at least I wasn't alone. Why oh why did they make Quentin the Carver?!? How terribly predictable. FX even tried throwing us off by releasing that photo of a bloody and carved Quentin. Then they showed Liz being interrogated in last week's coming attractions — another way to throw us off. When that Carver mask came off and it was Quentin's face, I screamed "No!" I so wanted it to be someone we didn't suspect. Daniel had predicted weeks ago that it was going to be a woman who raped the victims with a strap-on. Well he was half right. The fact that Quentin has no penis was quite shocking (did I ever think I'd type that anyone "has no penis" in a Watercooler?) and I did like the twist at the very end revealing Kit to be Quentin's sister and coconspirator. As soon as they showed the two of them lounging at a pool, my first thought was "She better not have a British accent!" and thankfully, she didn't. Another thing I liked was Julia deciding to co-own the house with Sean so they could raise the new baby together. But what's wrong with the baby? We'll have to wait until the spring to find out. Julia's Rosemary's Baby-like nightmare both disturbed and amused me. But nothing was more disturbing than Ariel's neo-Nazi, racist, homophobic father kidnapping and torturing Matt and Cherry (the very effective Willam Belli). Umm — did Matt cut Cherry's penis off? She sure screamed bloody murder as if he had. Then Cherry escaped out of the almost-grave just in time to hit Ariel's dad on the head with a shovel and shoot him. So I'm guessing she still had her penis? Geez, how many times am I going to type that word? I did love that this whole horrific experience made Matt into a sensible and caring person. Other random thoughts:
- I was impressed that series creator and executive producer Ryan Murphy came back to write and direct the final hour. I only wish he could've made someone else the Carver. Even Joan Rivers would've been better than Quentin.
- Why was there nary a mention of Erica being alive this week or last?
- Kudos to Kelly Carlson for her brilliant acting as Kimber before and after her corrective surgeries.
- Loved Veronica Cartwright as Mother Mary Claire. And that was series writer and producer Jennifer Salt (Eunice from Soap) as the first nun towards the very end. Jennifer's cameo was uncredited, as were coexecutive producers Lyn Greene (young Dorothy from Golden Girls) and Richard Levine as the prospective adoptive parents of Quentin in the flashback.
- Gina's line to Christian cracked me up (after her face was literally cracked by Quentin): "Don't screw this up, a--hole, I'm planning to get a book deal out of this, and I don't want to look like the Joker in my dust jacket."
So, you see, I wasn't completely disappointed and won't be referring to the show as "Gyp/Suck" anytime soon. — Dave Anderson
and what the carver does to them
