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Old 09-30-2003, 05:01 PM   #1
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Moving in before Marriage

Quick Question:

Do you think its better for a couple to move in together before they get married?

I ask this because I just read that the divorce rate of couples who LIVED TOGETHER before they got married is actually HIGHER than those couples who did NOT LIVE TOGETHER before they tied the old knot. I would have thought it would be the other way around....

Any comments as to why this is so?


I would have created a "poll" but somehow it doesn't "let me"
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Old 09-30-2003, 05:15 PM   #2
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i'd live w/ my boyfriend before i married him.
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Old 09-30-2003, 05:23 PM   #3
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Maybe u need to be a premium member to make a poll?

Id say its fine to live with someone - Id just live with someone and not get married - thats just me though

My Mum & Dad didnt live together before they got married they say its fine for me to do that but Id have to move out I know If I relaly did live with some before I was married they would pour scorn on the whole set up tho
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Old 09-30-2003, 05:26 PM   #4
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Living together is a casual arrangement. Taking the next step with marriage really doesn't do anything to "elevate" the commitment.

I never lived with my wife before we were married - that was almost 14 years ago.
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Old 09-30-2003, 05:40 PM   #5
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I don't know if I'm going to come across really badly saying this, but I would think perhaps one of the reasons for the difference in divorce rates is that couples who choose to live together before marriage and those who live seperately have different expectations of marriage or different values about it. I know you can't make generalisations just based on your own experiences, but from the people I know who are married, I would say those who choose to live apart before marriage tend to have more "conservative" values about marriage, for instance believing that divorce is almost always wrong.

In other words, I don't really think it's the act of living together prior to marriage which makes couples more likely to divorce, but rather differing opinions of marriage which they would have whether they lived together or not.

Or maybe not.
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Old 09-30-2003, 05:41 PM   #6
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Oh, and you do have to be a premium member to make a poll, I think. If you like I'll make a thread with a poll in and we can ask one of the mods to merge the threads. Just say what options you want there to be on the poll.
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Old 09-30-2003, 06:12 PM   #7
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I lived with my fiance over the summer.

*not a whore
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Old 09-30-2003, 06:36 PM   #8
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I would definately want to live with my boyfriend before we got married but that is just me

Quote:
I don't really think it's the act of living together prior to marriage which makes couples more likely to divorce, but rather differing opinions of marriage which they would have whether they lived together or not
I agree!
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Old 09-30-2003, 06:51 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally posted by FizzingWhizzbees
I don't really think it's the act of living together prior to marriage which makes couples more likely to divorce, but rather differing opinions of marriage which they would have whether they lived together or not.
What's the difference? I think the act of living together may imply a different opinion of marriage.
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Old 09-30-2003, 10:40 PM   #10
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Did not live with my husband before we got married 5 years ago. No regrets.
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Old 10-01-2003, 12:37 AM   #11
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I started a post about this similiar topic several months ago...almost a year actually when I was debating on moving in with my now fiance - which I decided not to do after all. Mainly because my parents had objections - and there was no set commitment other than things we had spoken about.

I'm getting married now in a year, and my fiance and I just bought a house together. I'm definetly planning on living there. We werent planning on buying now, but with the low interest rates and the way the market is in Boston now - we figured we'd should do it now. I just cant justify paying a mortgage and living upstairs at my parents house. I'm a little nervous about things - but I know they'll be fine. I dont know if I believe in the whole "statistics show" thing - about how being living together before or after affect your chance at divorce, it really depends on the individual relationship IMO.
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Old 10-01-2003, 12:45 AM   #12
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I don't know if i would live with someone before i married them or not. I don't really have any moral objections to it, I guess it wouled just depend on what my life was like at the time.
My parents lived together for a little while before they were married, and they just had their 23rd anniversery this summer.
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Old 10-01-2003, 01:59 AM   #13
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I am a believer that its better to live with someone before you marry. You get a better idea of what to expect and if its what's right for you.

I lived with someone in the past and I'm glad I did because if I didnt I might have married him and made the biggest mistake of my life
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Old 10-01-2003, 04:56 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally posted by FizzingWhizzbees
I don't know if I'm going to come across really badly saying this, but I would think perhaps one of the reasons for the difference in divorce rates is that couples who choose to live together before marriage and those who live seperately have different expectations of marriage or different values about it. I know you can't make generalisations just based on your own experiences, but from the people I know who are married, I would say those who choose to live apart before marriage tend to have more "conservative" values about marriage, for instance believing that divorce is almost always wrong.

In other words, I don't really think it's the act of living together prior to marriage which makes couples more likely to divorce, but rather differing opinions of marriage which they would have whether they lived together or not.

Or maybe not.
That theory makes sense to me.

Personally, I think it's up to each couple to decide what they want to do in regards to this.

I personally would move in with my boyfriend before we got married, because, as Sicy pointed out, I'd like to be able to see what life with him would be like. I'd want to make sure this is a guy I would be able to handle living with for the rest of my life.

Angela
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Old 10-01-2003, 04:56 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sicy
I am a believer that its better to live with someone before you marry. You get a better idea of what to expect and if its what's right for you.

I lived with someone in the past and I'm glad I did because if I didnt I might have married him and made the biggest mistake of my life
for marriage, there is always a divorce

for living together, there is always living separately

dont worry about anything ..go for it..


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