Moving in before Marriage

tackleberry · 09-30-2003, 05:01 PM

Quick Question:

Do you think its better for a couple to move in together before they get married?

I ask this because I just read that the divorce rate of couples who LIVED TOGETHER before they got married is actually HIGHER than those couples who did NOT LIVE TOGETHER before they tied the old knot. I would have thought it would be the other way around....

Any comments as to why this is so?

I would have created a "poll" but somehow it doesn't "let me"

MissVelvetDress_75 · 09-30-2003, 05:15 PM

i'd live w/ my boyfriend before i married him.

Laura M · 09-30-2003, 05:23 PM

Maybe u need to be a premium member to make a poll?

Id say its fine to live with someone - Id just live with someone and not get married - thats just me though

My Mum & Dad didnt live together before they got married they say its fine for me to do that but Id have to move out I know If I relaly did live with some before I was married they would pour scorn on the whole set up tho

nbcrusader · 09-30-2003, 05:26 PM

Living together is a casual arrangement. Taking the next step with marriage really doesn't do anything to "elevate" the commitment.

I never lived with my wife before we were married - that was almost 14 years ago.

FizzingWhizzbees · 09-30-2003, 05:40 PM

I don't know if I'm going to come across really badly saying this, but I would think perhaps one of the reasons for the difference in divorce rates is that couples who choose to live together before marriage and those who live seperately have different expectations of marriage or different values about it. I know you can't make generalisations just based on your own experiences, but from the people I know who are married, I would say those who choose to live apart before marriage tend to have more "conservative" values about marriage, for instance believing that divorce is almost always wrong.

In other words, I don't really think it's the act of living together prior to marriage which makes couples more likely to divorce, but rather differing opinions of marriage which they would have whether they lived together or not.

Or maybe not.

FizzingWhizzbees · 09-30-2003, 05:41 PM

Oh, and you do have to be a premium member to make a poll, I think. If you like I'll make a thread with a poll in and we can ask one of the mods to merge the threads. Just say what options you want there to be on the poll.

meegannie · 09-30-2003, 06:12 PM

I lived with my fiance over the summer.

*not a whore

adamswildhoney · 09-30-2003, 06:36 PM

I would definately want to live with my boyfriend before we got married but that is just me

Quote:

I don't really think it's the act of living together prior to marriage which makes couples more likely to divorce, but rather differing opinions of marriage which they would have whether they lived together or not

I agree!

nbcrusader · 09-30-2003, 06:51 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by FizzingWhizzbees
I don't really think it's the act of living together prior to marriage which makes couples more likely to divorce, but rather differing opinions of marriage which they would have whether they lived together or not.

What's the difference? I think the act of living together may imply a different opinion of marriage.

**bonosloveslave** · 09-30-2003, 10:40 PM

Did not live with my husband before we got married 5 years ago. No regrets.

She Is Raging · 10-01-2003, 12:37 AM

I started a post about this similiar topic several months ago...almost a year actually when I was debating on moving in with my now fiance - which I decided not to do after all. Mainly because my parents had objections - and there was no set commitment other than things we had spoken about.

I'm getting married now in a year, and my fiance and I just bought a house together. I'm definetly planning on living there. We werent planning on buying now, but with the low interest rates and the way the market is in Boston now - we figured we'd should do it now. I just cant justify paying a mortgage and living upstairs at my parents house. I'm a little nervous about things - but I know they'll be fine. I dont know if I believe in the whole "statistics show" thing - about how being living together before or after affect your chance at divorce, it really depends on the individual relationship IMO.

ILuvLarryMullen · 10-01-2003, 12:45 AM

I don't know if i would live with someone before i married them or not. I don't really have any moral objections to it, I guess it wouled just depend on what my life was like at the time.
My parents lived together for a little while before they were married, and they just had their 23rd anniversery this summer.

**Sicy** · 10-01-2003, 01:59 AM

I am a believer that its better to live with someone before you marry. You get a better idea of what to expect and if its what's right for you.

I lived with someone in the past and I'm glad I did because if I didnt I might have married him and made the biggest mistake of my life

Moonlit_Angel · 10-01-2003, 04:56 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by FizzingWhizzbees
I don't know if I'm going to come across really badly saying this, but I would think perhaps one of the reasons for the difference in divorce rates is that couples who choose to live together before marriage and those who live seperately have different expectations of marriage or different values about it. I know you can't make generalisations just based on your own experiences, but from the people I know who are married, I would say those who choose to live apart before marriage tend to have more "conservative" values about marriage, for instance believing that divorce is almost always wrong.

In other words, I don't really think it's the act of living together prior to marriage which makes couples more likely to divorce, but rather differing opinions of marriage which they would have whether they lived together or not.

Or maybe not.

That theory makes sense to me.

Personally, I think it's up to each couple to decide what they want to do in regards to this.

I personally would move in with my boyfriend before we got married, because, as Sicy pointed out, I'd like to be able to see what life with him would be like. I'd want to make sure this is a guy I would be able to handle living with for the rest of my life.

Angela

AcrobatMan · 10-01-2003, 04:56 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Sicy
I am a believer that its better to live with someone before you marry. You get a better idea of what to expect and if its what's right for you.

I lived with someone in the past and I'm glad I did because if I didnt I might have married him and made the biggest mistake of my life

for marriage, there is always a divorce

for living together, there is always living separately

dont worry about anything ..go for it..

Elvis Presley · 10-01-2003, 09:50 AM

I didnt, been together for almost 3 weeks now too....

just my opinion, but why would you buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?

HeartlandGirl · 10-01-2003, 10:02 AM

I lived with my husband after we got engaged. We were both moving across the country, and it seemed absurd to get separate apartments when the only people we knew in our new town was each other. I'm glad I did. When I got married, I knew I could trust him financially, and I knew what it would be like to run a household with him. We're now coming up on three years of marriage, five years of living together, and all is well.

**Sicy** · 10-01-2003, 11:28 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Elvis Presley
I didnt, been together for almost 3 weeks now too....

just my opinion, but why would you buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?

3 weeks? ha give it time

kidding...

Why buy the cow? Because its a marriage, marriage is a bond for life, just living together isnt. I dont really know how to explain what I want to say though

*need more coffee*

beegee · 10-01-2003, 11:43 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Sicy
I am a believer that its better to live with someone before you marry. You get a better idea of what to expect and if its what's right for you.

I lived with someone in the past and I'm glad I did because if I didnt I might have married him and made the biggest mistake of my life

as usual, sicy is absolutely right. it's like a very long test drive. try before you buy.

i have been married and i have lived with someone. neither worked out.

i just haven't found the right guy yet.

Angela Harlem · 10-01-2003, 11:45 AM

I dont think the act of living together necessarily implies a different view of marriage. Sometimes, perhaps it does. Infact, surely in some cases it does. Its my view that anyone I choose to live with (hopefully this wont ever be relevant again lol) would be someone I have every intention of marrying. Way before the marriage takes place, I would hope that I view the relationship with every necessary attitude I feel is paramount to a successful relationship beit marriage or a long term commitment. I dont think marriage itself gives something that other long standing relationships don't simply because it is a marriage or you actually live together. If the individuals give all that marriage aims to do, which is absolute dedication and commitment, love and respect yada yada, then you are heading for a successful one. Living arrangements and address can not matter.

09-30-2003, 05:01 PM	#1
tackleberry War Child Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: New York, NY, USA Posts: 613 Local Time: 11:40 PM	Moving in before Marriage Quick Question: Do you think its better for a couple to move in together before they get married? I ask this because I just read that the divorce rate of couples who LIVED TOGETHER before they got married is actually HIGHER than those couples who did NOT LIVE TOGETHER before they tied the old knot. I would have thought it would be the other way around.... Any comments as to why this is so? I would have created a "poll" but somehow it doesn't "let me" __________________

09-30-2003, 05:15 PM	#2
MissVelvetDress_75 Blue Crack Addict Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: basking in my post-concert glow still mesmerized by the orbit of his hips..Also Holding Bono Close as he requested. Posts: 25,776 Local Time: 07:40 PM	i'd live w/ my boyfriend before i married him. __________________

09-30-2003, 10:40 PM	#10
bonosloveslave Offishul Kitteh Doctor Forum Moderator Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Taking care of kitties Posts: 9,655 Local Time: 07:40 PM	Did not live with my husband before we got married 5 years ago. No regrets. __________________ bonosloveslave [at] interference.com

10-01-2003, 01:59 AM	#13
Sicy Sizzlin' Sicilian Forum Administrator Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Bay Area, CA Posts: 69,344 Local Time: 03:40 PM	I am a believer that its better to live with someone before you marry. You get a better idea of what to expect and if its what's right for you. I lived with someone in the past and I'm glad I did because if I didnt I might have married him and made the biggest mistake of my life __________________

10-01-2003, 11:45 AM	#20
Angela Harlem Jesus Online Join Date: Dec 1969 Location: a glass castle Posts: 30,163 Local Time: 10:40 AM	I dont think the act of living together necessarily implies a different view of marriage. Sometimes, perhaps it does. Infact, surely in some cases it does. Its my view that anyone I choose to live with (hopefully this wont ever be relevant again lol) would be someone I have every intention of marrying. Way before the marriage takes place, I would hope that I view the relationship with every necessary attitude I feel is paramount to a successful relationship beit marriage or a long term commitment. I dont think marriage itself gives something that other long standing relationships don't simply because it is a marriage or you actually live together. If the individuals give all that marriage aims to do, which is absolute dedication and commitment, love and respect yada yada, then you are heading for a successful one. Living arrangements and address can not matter. __________________ __________________

09-30-2003, 05:23 PM	#3
Laura M Blue Crack Addict Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 18,934 Local Time: 12:40 AM	Maybe u need to be a premium member to make a poll? Id say its fine to live with someone - Id just live with someone and not get married - thats just me though My Mum & Dad didnt live together before they got married they say its fine for me to do that but Id have to move out I know If I relaly did live with some before I was married they would pour scorn on the whole set up tho

09-30-2003, 05:26 PM	#4
nbcrusader Blue Crack Addict Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Southern California Posts: 22,071 Local Time: 03:40 PM	Living together is a casual arrangement. Taking the next step with marriage really doesn't do anything to "elevate" the commitment. I never lived with my wife before we were married - that was almost 14 years ago.

09-30-2003, 05:40 PM	#5
FizzingWhizzbees ONE love, blood, life Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: the choirgirl hotel Posts: 12,614 Local Time: 11:40 PM	I don't know if I'm going to come across really badly saying this, but I would think perhaps one of the reasons for the difference in divorce rates is that couples who choose to live together before marriage and those who live seperately have different expectations of marriage or different values about it. I know you can't make generalisations just based on your own experiences, but from the people I know who are married, I would say those who choose to live apart before marriage tend to have more "conservative" values about marriage, for instance believing that divorce is almost always wrong. In other words, I don't really think it's the act of living together prior to marriage which makes couples more likely to divorce, but rather differing opinions of marriage which they would have whether they lived together or not. Or maybe not.

09-30-2003, 05:41 PM	#6
FizzingWhizzbees ONE love, blood, life Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: the choirgirl hotel Posts: 12,614 Local Time: 11:40 PM	Oh, and you do have to be a premium member to make a poll, I think. If you like I'll make a thread with a poll in and we can ask one of the mods to merge the threads. Just say what options you want there to be on the poll.

09-30-2003, 06:12 PM	#7
meegannie Blue Crack Addict Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Norwich, England Posts: 15,798 Local Time: 11:40 PM	I lived with my fiance over the summer. *not a whore

10-01-2003, 12:37 AM	#11
She Is Raging Refugee Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Outside Boston Posts: 1,729 Local Time: 07:40 PM	I started a post about this similiar topic several months ago...almost a year actually when I was debating on moving in with my now fiance - which I decided not to do after all. Mainly because my parents had objections - and there was no set commitment other than things we had spoken about. I'm getting married now in a year, and my fiance and I just bought a house together. I'm definetly planning on living there. We werent planning on buying now, but with the low interest rates and the way the market is in Boston now - we figured we'd should do it now. I just cant justify paying a mortgage and living upstairs at my parents house. I'm a little nervous about things - but I know they'll be fine. I dont know if I believe in the whole "statistics show" thing - about how being living together before or after affect your chance at divorce, it really depends on the individual relationship IMO.

10-01-2003, 12:45 AM	#12
ILuvLarryMullen Rock n' Roll Doggie ALL ACCESS Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: in the sunshine Posts: 6,904 Local Time: 03:40 PM	I don't know if i would live with someone before i married them or not. I don't really have any moral objections to it, I guess it wouled just depend on what my life was like at the time. My parents lived together for a little while before they were married, and they just had their 23rd anniversery this summer.

10-01-2003, 09:50 AM	#16
Elvis Presley Rock n' Roll Doggie VIP PASS Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: eachnotesecure.com Posts: 5,058 Local Time: 07:40 PM	I didnt, been together for almost 3 weeks now too.... just my opinion, but why would you buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?

10-01-2003, 10:02 AM	#17
HeartlandGirl Rock n' Roll Doggie ALL ACCESS Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Phoenix Posts: 7,033 Local Time: 04:40 PM	I lived with my husband after we got engaged. We were both moving across the country, and it seemed absurd to get separate apartments when the only people we knew in our new town was each other. I'm glad I did. When I got married, I knew I could trust him financially, and I knew what it would be like to run a household with him. We're now coming up on three years of marriage, five years of living together, and all is well.

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