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Old 05-28-2005, 06:26 AM   #31
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Quote:
Originally posted by Aardvark747

"Good riddance to him the free-loading bastard I hope he fries"

LOL yeah,,, Well i dont have clips of it, just the text. I have never even seen clips from it.
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Old 05-28-2005, 06:30 AM   #32
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Monty Python...

Holy Grail is one of the best movies ever. Not to mention, it ruined Attack of the Clones for me. I couldn't look at Yoda fighting with his lightsaber, without thinking of the rabbit in Holy Grail and cracking up laughing.
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Old 05-28-2005, 06:52 AM   #33
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Old 05-28-2005, 01:29 PM   #34
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BOOKSHOP SKETCH

Cast:
Customer: Graham Chapman
Proprietor: John Cleese

Customer: (entering the bookshop) Good morning.
Proprietor: Good morning, sir. Can I help you?
Customer: Er, yes. Do you have a copy of "Thirty Days in the Samarkand Desert with the Duchess of Kent" by A. E. J.
Eliott, O.B.E.?
Proprietor: Ah, well, I don't know the book, sir....
Customer: Er, never mind, never mind. How about "A Hundred and One Ways to Start a Fight"?
Proprietor: ...By?
Customer: An Irish gentleman whose name eludes me for the moment.
Proprietor: Ah, no, well, we haven't got it in stock, sir....
Customer: Oh, well, not to worry, not to worry. Can you help me with "David Coperfield"?
Proprietor: Ah, yes, Dickens.
Customer: No....
Proprietor: (pause) I beg your pardon?
Customer: No, Edmund Wells.
Proprietor: I... *think* you'll find Charles Dickens wrote "David Copperfield", sir....
Customer: No, no, Dickens wrote "David Copperfield" with *two* Ps. This is "David Coperfield" with *one* P by Edmund
Wells.
Proprietor: "David Coperfield" with one P?
Customer: Yes, I should have said.
Proprietor: Yes, well in that case we don't have it.
Customer: (peering over counter) Funny, you've got a lot of books here....
Proprietor: (slightly perturbed) Yes, we do, but we don't have "David Coperfield" with one P by Edmund Wells.

------------------Detta finns inte p† min CD!!!------------------------
Customer: Pity, it's more thorough than the Dickens.
Proprietor: More THOROUGH?!?
Customer: Yes...I wonder if it might be worth a look through all your "David Copper- field"s...
Proprietor: No, sir, all our "David Copperfield"s have two P's.
-----------------------------------------------

Customer: Are you quite sure?
Proprietor: Quite.
Customer: Not worth just looking?
Proprietor: Definitely not.
Customer: Oh...how 'bout "Grate Expectations"?
Proprietor: Yes, well we have that....
Customer: That's "G-R-A-T-E Expectations," also by Edmund Wells.
Proprietor: (pause) Yes, well in that case we don't have it. We don't have anything by Edmund Wells, actually: he's not very
popular.
Customer: Not "Knickerless Knickleby"? That's K-N-I-C-K-E-R-L-E-S-S.
Proprietor: (taciturn) No.
Customer: "Khristmas Karol" with a K?
Proprietor: (really quite perturbed) No....
Customer: Er, how about "A Sale of Two Titties"?
Proprietor: DEFINITELY NOT.
Customer: (moving towards door) Sorry to trouble you....
Proprietor: Not at all....
Customer: Good morning.
Proprietor: Good morning.
Customer: (turning around) Oh!
Proprietor: (deep breath) Yesss?
Customer: I wonder if you might have a copy of "Rarnaby Budge"?
Proprietor: No, as I say, we're right out of Edmund Wells!
Customer: No, not Edmund Wells - Charles Dikkens.
Proprietor: (pause - eagerly) Charles Dickens??
Customer: Yes.
Proprietor: (excitedly) You mean "Barnaby Rudge"!
Customer: No, "Rarnaby Budge" by Charles Dikkens. That's Dikkens with two Ks, the well-known Dutch author.
Proprietor: (slight pause) No, well we don't have "Rarnaby Budge" by Charles Dikkens with two Ks, the well-known Dutch
author, and perhaps to save time I should add that we don't have "Karnaby Fudge" by Darles Chickens, or "Farmer of Sludge"
by Marles Pickens, or even "Stickwick Stapers" by Farles Wickens with four M's and a silent Q!!!!! Why don't you try W.
H. Smith's?
Customer: Ah did, They sent me here.
Proprietor: DID they.
Customer: Oh, I wonder...
Proprietor: Oh, do go on, please.
Customer: Yes...I wonder if you might have "The Amazing Adventures of Captain Gladys Stoutpamphlet and her Intrepid
Spaniel Stig Amongst the Giant Pygmies of Beckles"...volume eight.
Proprietor: (after a pause for recovery) No, we don't have that...funny, we've got a lot of books here...well, I musn't keep you
standing here...thank you,--
Customer: Oh, well do, do you have--
Proprietor: No, we haven't. No, we haven't.
Customer: B-b-b-but--
Proprietor: Sorry, no, it's one o'clock now, we're | closing for lunch--
Customer: Ah, I--I saw it--
Proprietor: I'm sorry--
Customer: I saw it over there! I saw it...
Proprietor: What? What? WHAT?!?
Customer: I saw it over there: "Olsen's Standard Book of British Birds".
Proprietor: (pause; trying to stay calm) "Olsen's Standard Book of British Birds"?
Customer: Yes...
Proprietor: O-L-S-E-N?
Customer: Yes....
Proprietor: B-I-R-D-S??
Customer: Yes.....
Proprietor: (beat) Yes, well, we do have that, as a matter of fact....
Customer: The expurgated version....
Proprietor: (pause; politely) I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that...?
Customer: The expurgated version.
Proprietor: (exploding) The EXPURGATED version of "Olsen's Standard Book of British Birds"?!
Customer: (desperately) The one without the gannet!
Proprietor: The one without the gannet-!!! They've ALL got the gannet!! It's a Standard British Bird, the gannet, it's in all the
books!!!
Customer: (insistent) Well, I don't like them...they wet their nests.
Proprietor: (furious) All right! I'll remove it!! (rrrip!) Any other birds you don't like?!
Customer: I don't like the robin...
Proprietor: (screaming) The robin! Right! The robin! (rrrip!) There you are, any others you don't like, any others?
Customer: The nuthatch?
Proprietor: Right! (flipping through the book) The nuthatch, the nuthatch, the nuthatch, 'ere we are! (rrriiip!) There you are!
NO gannets, NO robins, NO nuthatches, THERE's your book!
Customer: (indignant) I can't buy that! It's torn!
Proprietor: (incoherent noise)
Customer: Ah, I wonder if you have--
Proprietor: God, ask me anything!! We got lots of books here, you know, it's a bookshop!!
Customer: Er, how 'bout "Biggles Combs his Hair"?
Proprietor: No, no, we don't have that one, funny!
Customer: "The Gospel According to Charley Drake"?
Proprietor: No, no, no, try me again!
Customer: Ah...oh, I know! "Ethel the Aardvark goes Quantity Surveying".
Proprietor: No, no, no, no, no,...What? WHAT??????
Customer: "Ethel the Aardvark goes Quantity Surveying".
Proprietor: "Ethel the Aa--" YES!!!YES!!! WE'VE GOT IT!! (throwing books wildly about) I-I've seen it somewhere!!! I
know it!!! Hee hee hee hee hee!!! Ha ha hoo ho---WAIT!! WAIT!! Is it?? Is it??? (triumphant) YES!!!!!! Here we are, "Ethel
the Aardvark goes Quantity Surveying"!!!!! There's your book!! (throwing it down) Now, BUY IT!!!
Customer: (quickly) I don't have enough money.
Proprietor: (desperate) I'll take a deposit!
Customer: I don't have ANY money!
Proprietor: I'll take a check!!
Customer: I don't have a checkbook!
Proprietor: I've got a blank one!!
Customer: I haven't got a bank account!!
Proprietor: RIGHT!!!! I'll buy it FOR you! (ring) There we are, there's your change, there's some money for a taxi on the way
home, there's your book, now, now..
Customer: Wait, wait, wait!
Proprietor: What? What?!? WHAT?!? WHAT???!!
Customer: I can't read!!!
Proprietor: (staggeringly long pause; very quietly) You can't...read. (pause) RIGHT!!! Sit down!! Sit!! Sit! Sit down!! Are
you sitting comfortably??? Right!!! (opens book) "Ethel the Aardvark was hopping down the river valley one lovely
morning..." (fade out)

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Old 05-28-2005, 01:36 PM   #35
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The arguement sketch

http://s28.you sendit.com/d.aspx?id=0T303FCGWQV3E21J6TF8KVFUWX
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Old 05-30-2005, 05:49 AM   #36
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Viking: "Lemon Curry?"

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Old 05-30-2005, 10:39 PM   #37
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What.....is your favourite colour?

Red.....no blue.........ARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!
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Old 05-31-2005, 01:40 AM   #38
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The scene where Lancelot rushes down the stairs in the castle, killing half the wedding guests...

"Sorry...sorry everyone!"

"You've killed the best man!!"

"Well I really didnt mean to.."

"Didnt mean to?! You put your sword right thru his head!!"

"Oh dear...is he alright?"

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Old 05-31-2005, 04:22 AM   #39
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French Soldier to King Arthur in Holy Grail

Ah don' wanna talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food-trough wiper! Ah fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!
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Old 05-31-2005, 04:27 AM   #40
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Arthur and the Black knight


Arthur: You fight with the strength of many men, sir knight.
(The black knight does not respond)
Arthur: I am Arthur, king of the Britons.
(no response)
Arthur: I seek the finest and the bravest knights in the land to join me at my
court at Camelot.
(no response)
Arthur: You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me?
(no response)
Arthur: You make me sad. So be it! Come, Patsy!

As Arthur and Patsy start to ride past the black knight, he suddenly speaks:

Black Knight: NONE SHALL PASS.
Arthur: (taken aback) What?
Black Knight: NONE SHALL PASS.
Arthur: I have no quarrel with you, good sir knight, but I must cross
this bridge.
Black Knight: THEN YOU SHALL DIE.
Arthur: I *command* you, as king of the Britons, to stand aside.
Black Knight: I MOVE FOR NO MAN.
Arthur: So be it! (draws sword)

A short battle ensues, where Arthur, relatively unencumbered by armor, easily
dodges the slow and heavy strikes by the black knight. Finally, Arthur
dodges a strike, steps aside, and cuts the black knight's left arm off with
his sword. Blood spurts from the knight's open shoulder.

Arthur: Now stand aside, worthy adversary.
Black Knight: 'Tis but a scratch.
Arthur: A SCRATCH? Your arm's off!
Black Knight: No it isn't!
Arthur: Well what's that then? (pointing to the arm lying on the ground)
Black Knight: I've had worse.
Arthur: You LIAR!
Black Knight: Come on, you pansy!

There follows an even shorter foray, at the end of which Arthur easily cuts
off the black knight's right arm, causing it and the black knight's sword to
drop to the ground. Blood spatters freely from the stump.

Arthur: Victory is mine!
(kneeling, praying) We thank thee Lord, that in thy mercy--

He is kicked onto his side by the black knight.

Black Knight: Come on, then! (kicks Arthur again)
Arthur: (on the ground) What?!?
Black Knight: (kicking him again) Have at you!
Arthur: (getting up) You are indeed brave, sir knight, but the fight
is mine!
Black Knight: Ohhh, had enough, eh?
Arthur: Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left!
Black Knight: Yes I have!
Arthur: LOOK!!!
Black Knight: Just a flesh wound! (kicking Arthur again)
Arthur: Look, STOP that!
Black Knight: Chicken!!! Chicken!!!!!!!
Arthur: Look, I'll have your leg!
(The Black Knight continues his kicking)
Arthur: RIGHT! (He chops off the black knight's leg with his sword)
Black Knight: (hopping) Right! I'll do you for that!
Arthur: You'll *WHAT*?
Black Knight: Come 'ere!
Arthur: (tiring of this) What're you going to do, bleed on me?
Black Knight: I'm *INVINCIBLE*!!!
Arthur: You're a looney....
Black Knight: The Black Knight ALWAYS TRIUMPHS! Have at you!!
(hopping around, trying to kick Arthur with his one remaining
leg)

Arthur shrugs his shoulders and, with a mighty swing, removes the Black
Knight's last limb. The Knight falls to the ground. He looks about,
realizing he can't move.

Black Knight: Okay, we'll call it a draw.
Arthur: Come, Pasty! (they "ride" away)

Black Knight: (calling after them) Oh! Had enough, eh? Come back and take
what's coming to you, you yellow bastards!! Come back here and
take what's coming to you! I'll bite your legs off!
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Old 05-31-2005, 04:44 AM   #41
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"Crucifixtion?..Good - out of the door, line on the left, ONE cross each"

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Old 06-02-2005, 11:32 PM   #42
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Old 06-03-2005, 06:10 AM   #43
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"No! It's the Meek - blessed are the MEEK. Oh that's nice i'm glad they're getting something cos they have a hell of a time"

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Old 06-03-2005, 08:02 PM   #44
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Shut up big nose!
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Old 06-03-2005, 08:26 PM   #45
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can you believe that i only just saw monty python & the holy grail for the first time about 2 weeks ago?
and i fell asleep due to it being 4 am?

i remember it being insanely hilarious the part we stayed up for. probably due to that fact that we were sleep-deprived and drunk (on sparkling champagne...im a good girl )...but yet i cant remember *anything* that happened. just that it was funny.

i dont feel like im adding much to this thread...
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