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Old 05-28-2007, 04:24 PM   #1
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Marriage Jokes

You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.






At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."






A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
"Husband Wanted".
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."






When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.





A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.



A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."




A young son asked,
"Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."




Then there was a woman who said,
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late."




Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.





First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."





" A Woman's Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to forgive him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death "





AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes.
When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.
After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."
The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus ... so shut the hell up."


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Old 05-28-2007, 05:50 PM   #2
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Old 05-28-2007, 06:11 PM   #3
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Re: Marriage Jokes

Quote:
Originally posted by RedrocksU2

A young son asked,
"Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."

Winner.
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Old 05-28-2007, 06:52 PM   #4
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Haven't these jokes been around since the dawn of time? Or at least the 1950s?

I'm surprised you didn't have any jokes referencing an actual ball and chain.

Take my wife ... please!

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Old 05-28-2007, 09:29 PM   #5
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Old 05-29-2007, 01:14 AM   #6
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Old 05-29-2007, 11:17 PM   #7
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Some think marriage is a joke!!!!


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Old 05-29-2007, 11:28 PM   #8
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Marriage is no laughing matter. I would know.

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Old 05-29-2007, 11:40 PM   #9
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Corny:

The three rings of marriage:

1. The engagement ring

2. The wedding ring

3. The suffer-ring




Naughty:
There are three stages of sex after marriage. The first stage is the “anywhere” stage, when you’ll do it anywhere- the kitchen table, the shower, on top of the washing machine during the spin cycle.
The second stage is the “bedroom” stage, when you’ll only do it in the bedroom with the lights turned out.
The third stage is the “hallway” stage, when you pass each other in the hallway and yell “Fuck you!”
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Old 05-30-2007, 12:20 AM   #10
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Ha, those are great Lemon Grrrrl!

Soren Kirkegaard once said that getting married was like sticking your hand in a bag full of snakes trying to find an eel. Can't say I disagree there.
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Old 05-30-2007, 05:52 AM   #11
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Don't worry baby, it's gonna be all right. Uncertainty can be a guiding light...
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Old 05-31-2007, 02:23 AM   #12
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Old 05-31-2007, 02:53 AM   #13
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$1,000 or best offer. No longer needed,
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Wife knows everything.
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Old 05-31-2007, 07:53 PM   #14
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WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

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Old 06-01-2007, 03:22 PM   #15
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When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
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