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Old 08-19-2003, 12:28 AM   #1
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looks or personality?

i was having a discussion with icelle the other night. we were talking about the importance of looks as compared to personality.

now...i am of the opinion that looks don't matter as much as she thinks they do, that attraction is based solely on personality, and of course, a nice big dose of chemistry. she is of the opinion that looks play a much bigger part in this than i realize. especially in online relationships where it is easy to imagine exactly what we want to.

we need to settle this once and for all. what do you guys think...how much do looks really matter?

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Old 08-19-2003, 12:41 AM   #2
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i totally wish it wasn't about looks, but it is. i wrote about this in my journal, and im gonna go ahead and say it again but i'll word it differently for the sake of this thread...

the way that i see it, looks matters alot. when it REALLY comes down to it...it matters. seriously, nobody can deny this shit. wanna know why? because when there's a guy who's interested in a girl online, and it could go the other way, girl interested in guy...and mind you they haven't exchanged pics...they start to get acquainted thru emails and chat...yada yada yada...they get along great. have the same taste in music, books, some chemistry...but then...its that curiousity that bugs...your really curious about what each other looks like. it could go either way. they both like each other's pics, think each other is nice looking, hot, fireworks fly, the works.


they'll never hear from each other again, onesided on either account. sadly, i have experienced this, and i still do. so i've come to believe that looks matter, only because in my case, i get screwed so many times when it comes to the picture thing.
sure, i have a pretty face. but even better, i have a kickass personality. but truth be told...its not enough.

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Old 08-19-2003, 12:48 AM   #3
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Well...I'd say looks matter nearly as much as personality, as much as we'd like to think otherwise.

It's a combination--looks + personality=chemistry.

There are some people that, looks wise, I am not attracted too. That doesn't mean they are not good looking to others, I just don't feel any physical attraction towards them. But I like them as friends or people.

And yet, there are guys I have met that are real hotties--but are such complete jerks that I would never even be *friends* with them, let alone date them. I confess that when I first met them, I was drooling over them and wanted to date them. But once you see what's underneath, they are simply repulsive.

Many of the guys I've liked, it's been everything--I loved their looks and their personality. You couldn't have one without the other.
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Old 08-19-2003, 12:52 AM   #4
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Have to have both, except in my wife's case. She takes her glasses off and I have both!

Meaning...She see's looks and personality with her glasses off!
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Old 08-19-2003, 12:54 AM   #5
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well, i think at the most basic level, looks are number 1.

i mean subconsciously we look for symmetrical faces. women look for men who have strong chins and men look for women who have a rounded chin.

but at the same time i think that we can over look some of these things (unibrow, crooked teeth, whatever) if we love someone's personality.

it's all so primal when you think about it...it all has to do with what pheremones person A gives out and what pheremones person B is attracted to.
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Old 08-19-2003, 01:29 AM   #6
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I'd say that looks are probably more important online than offline. I would think it's easier to write someone off online without getting to know them at all.
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Old 08-19-2003, 01:32 AM   #7
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I'm of the opinion that someone's personality is (partly) visible in his or her looks. When looking at someone I always study their eyes and mouth. Those two aspects say a lot of a person, IMHO. So as others have already said, it's looks plus personality that create the chemistry. But looks are connected to a personality.

C ya!

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Old 08-19-2003, 01:46 AM   #8
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I'd say looks are somewhat important, but definitely not everything. Sure the first thing we're drawn to is usually how a person looks or presents themselves. But for a long-lasting, loving relationship, I'm definitely more attratcted to personality.
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Old 08-19-2003, 01:57 AM   #9
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Independantly, they matter more on a societal level than on an individual one. We dont pick friends because of their looks, and for the most part don't look first for great looks forgoing the personality when looking at a partner. A gorgeous personality can make any ordinary person look fantastic. Vice versa as well. A nice looking person with a shitty personality always seems a little uglier.
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Old 08-19-2003, 02:00 AM   #10
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well said, angela.
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Old 08-19-2003, 02:42 AM   #11
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both of course
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Old 08-19-2003, 05:57 AM   #12
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I agree with Angela. I've met plenty of extremely physically attractive women who I absolutely can't stand to be around because their personalities are such a turn off. In the end, looks do matter, and if given the choice to go between two people with equally engaging personalities but one with better looks (to me anyway), I would go with the one with better looks. But since life very rarely gives you that circumstance, I don't really find that I compare looks when I find someone I like. If their personality is extremely attractive to me, then that person as a whole becomes more attractive to me, and I usually start noticing things about her looks that I might not have before.
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Old 08-19-2003, 06:58 AM   #13
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Definitely for a long term relationship, personality is far more important than looks. Looks don't last forever, and obviously a relationship is doomed if everything else is lacking. As it's already been said here, there are plenty of people who may be attractive, but their personalities are ugly. I don't care how attractive I find a guy-certain things are a definite turn off and make me find him to be very unattractive.

If someone is going to change their mind about you just because they're not attracted to you physically after seeing your picture or whatever, that person isn't worth the effort for a relationship. Of course it's easy to say that, but it still hurts, a lot. Of course it also hurts if a person writes you off immediately "offline" because of your looks without getting to know you.

I agree that if you are attracted to someone's personality, they become more attractive to you physically. Looks definitely are far more important on a societal level. Ideally personality would be all that mattered in this world. But every person has his/her own standards, and we can't control those. All we can control is what we choose to do and think.
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Old 08-19-2003, 07:59 AM   #14
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Originally posted by Lilly
(unibrow, crooked teeth, whatever)
I hate when Lilly uses me as her "ugly" example.

I know I am way more attracted to personality than looks...but I cannot deny physical appearance doen't play a part. I am not sure if I can seperate "online attractions" from "offline attractions."

I know I personally can get wound up in the written word, and in turn, find an attraction to the author.
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Old 08-19-2003, 08:16 AM   #15
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I wonder what would happen if we were to take a poll.

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