looks or personality?

The friendliest place on the web for anyone that follows U2.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
See posts with no answers
beegee

beegee

Neon Zebra
Joined
Jan 4, 2003
Messages
10,612
Location
southern nevada
i was having a discussion with icelle the other night. we were talking about the importance of looks as compared to personality.

now...i am of the opinion that looks don't matter as much as she thinks they do, that attraction is based solely on personality, and of course, a nice big dose of chemistry. she is of the opinion that looks play a much bigger part in this than i realize. especially in online relationships where it is easy to imagine exactly what we want to.

we need to settle this once and for all. what do you guys think...how much do looks really matter?
 
i totally wish it wasn't about looks, but it is. i wrote about this in my journal, and im gonna go ahead and say it again but i'll word it differently for the sake of this thread...

the way that i see it, looks matters alot. when it REALLY comes down to it...it matters. seriously, nobody can deny this shit. wanna know why? because when there's a guy who's interested in a girl online, and it could go the other way, girl interested in guy...and mind you they haven't exchanged pics...they start to get acquainted thru emails and chat...yada yada yada...they get along great. have the same taste in music, books, some chemistry...but then...its that curiousity that bugs...your really curious about what each other looks like. it could go either way. they both like each other's pics, think each other is nice looking, hot, fireworks fly, the works.

or...


they'll never hear from each other again, onesided on either account. sadly, i have experienced this, and i still do. so i've come to believe that looks matter, only because in my case, i get screwed so many times when it comes to the picture thing.
sure, i have a pretty face. but even better, i have a kickass personality. but truth be told...its not enough.
 
Well...I'd say looks matter nearly as much as personality, as much as we'd like to think otherwise.

It's a combination--looks + personality=chemistry.

There are some people that, looks wise, I am not attracted too. That doesn't mean they are not good looking to others, I just don't feel any physical attraction towards them. But I like them as friends or people.

And yet, there are guys I have met that are real hotties--but are such complete jerks that I would never even be *friends* with them, let alone date them. :down: I confess that when I first met them, I was drooling over them and wanted to date them. But once you see what's underneath, they are simply repulsive.

Many of the guys I've liked, it's been everything--I loved their looks and their personality. You couldn't have one without the other. :shrug:
 
Have to have both, except in my wife's case. She takes her glasses off and I have both!

Meaning...She see's looks and personality with her glasses off!
 
well, i think at the most basic level, looks are number 1.


i mean subconsciously we look for symmetrical faces. women look for men who have strong chins and men look for women who have a rounded chin.



but at the same time i think that we can over look some of these things (unibrow, crooked teeth, whatever) if we love someone's personality.


it's all so primal when you think about it...it all has to do with what pheremones person A gives out and what pheremones person B is attracted to.
 
Last edited:
I'd say that looks are probably more important online than offline. I would think it's easier to write someone off online without getting to know them at all.
 
Hello,

I'm of the opinion that someone's personality is (partly) visible in his or her looks. When looking at someone I always study their eyes and mouth. Those two aspects say a lot of a person, IMHO. So as others have already said, it's looks plus personality that create the chemistry. But looks are connected to a personality.

C ya!

Marty
 
I'd say looks are somewhat important, but definitely not everything. Sure the first thing we're drawn to is usually how a person looks or presents themselves. But for a long-lasting, loving relationship, I'm definitely more attratcted to personality.
 
Independantly, they matter more on a societal level than on an individual one. We dont pick friends because of their looks, and for the most part don't look first for great looks forgoing the personality when looking at a partner. A gorgeous personality can make any ordinary person look fantastic. Vice versa as well. A nice looking person with a shitty personality always seems a little uglier.
 
I agree with Angela. I've met plenty of extremely physically attractive women who I absolutely can't stand to be around because their personalities are such a turn off. In the end, looks do matter, and if given the choice to go between two people with equally engaging personalities but one with better looks (to me anyway), I would go with the one with better looks. But since life very rarely gives you that circumstance, I don't really find that I compare looks when I find someone I like. If their personality is extremely attractive to me, then that person as a whole becomes more attractive to me, and I usually start noticing things about her looks that I might not have before.
 
Definitely for a long term relationship, personality is far more important than looks. Looks don't last forever, and obviously a relationship is doomed if everything else is lacking. As it's already been said here, there are plenty of people who may be attractive, but their personalities are ugly. I don't care how attractive I find a guy-certain things are a definite turn off and make me find him to be very unattractive.

If someone is going to change their mind about you just because they're not attracted to you physically after seeing your picture or whatever, that person isn't worth the effort for a relationship. Of course it's easy to say that, but it still hurts, a lot. Of course it also hurts if a person writes you off immediately "offline" because of your looks without getting to know you.

I agree that if you are attracted to someone's personality, they become more attractive to you physically. Looks definitely are far more important on a societal level. Ideally personality would be all that mattered in this world. But every person has his/her own standards, and we can't control those. All we can control is what we choose to do and think.
 
Lilly said:
(unibrow, crooked teeth, whatever)
Click to expand...

I hate when Lilly uses me as her "ugly" example.

I know I am way more attracted to personality than looks...but I cannot deny physical appearance doen't play a part. I am not sure if I can seperate "online attractions" from "offline attractions."

I know I personally can get wound up in the written word, and in turn, find an attraction to the author. :shrug:
 
Angela Harlem said:
Independantly, they matter more on a societal level than on an individual one. We dont pick friends because of their looks, and for the most part don't look first for great looks forgoing the personality when looking at a partner. A gorgeous personality can make any ordinary person look fantastic. Vice versa as well. A nice looking person with a shitty personality always seems a little uglier.
Click to expand...

as usual, i concur :up:
 
Both to some extent.
Yes people will notice looks more appealing to them (a matter of taste. what may be pretty to someone may be ugly to someone else) But what really makes the cut if you will is the personality.
 
I think everyone likes to look at beautiful people, but when it comes to relationships looks aren't as important as some might think. I mean, ugly people get married too, not just pretty people. I've known plenty of guys who are great-looking that I wouldn't go out with in a million years because they are boring, stupid, obnoxious, etc. - and I've also met guys who aren't that physically attractive that I end up being attracted to anyway because of their personality. When that happens they somehow become good-looking in my eyes.
 
Unfortunately, I think that looks are pretty important in the early stages of starting up romantic relationships....when you are first deciding if you want to pursue more.

That said, it's amazing how varied people's tastes in looks really are. I find all kind of people gorgeous that others would not. I personally also prefer somewhat "flawed" looking people...makes them more interesting. Nothing is more boring than models. :yawn:

I think that online relationships would have the advantage that you can really get to know someone's personality first without seeing a picture. The person might grow to be so attracted to the other's personality that the importance of looks really takes a back seat after awhile....in fact the person might even change their mind about what they find physically attractive in the first place! I have known that to happen. A woman I know found this guy she was dating to be TOTALLY not her "type" physically...but eventually she found him utterly appealing after getting to know him, and subsequently became attracted to other men who looked like him too.

It's also amazing how people can look so different in person from in photos. I am always amazed at meeting interference friends...even after seeing their photos they look totally different.
 
Mrs. Edge said:
I am always amazed at meeting interference friends...even after seeing their photos they look totally different.
Click to expand...

Yeah me too.

Mr. Edge looked nothin' like his picture.... and everything like The Edge!

:wink: :tongue: :mac:
 
Love hurts.... that is for sure. :hug: to anyone who is hurting.
So do negative comments about your appearance.
It is very much an individual thing, some people are so superficial and shallow..BLARGH to them.
If I love someone or enjoy their company, their appearance is of no consequence. Sure I have an idea of "classic beauty" e.g. Johnny Depp, Nuno, an arab stallion with good confirmation, Elle MacPherson etc.
But that is just superficially pleasing, nothing to do with chemistry or committment. It ain't what you got, but what you do with what you have got. If someone dumps you because of the way you look, it's their loss.

If it makes anyone feel better, I got some photos, AT LAST, of when my sister visited from Western Australia. It is rare for all 4 sisters to be together. Happy moments are captured, but because of the injury to my face I look like a dog.( I lost my smile, the more I smile the worse I look...sad thing to lose) I could easily slip in to a great big black hole of depression about it...but you have to "Rise Up' as the man said or as Carole King said..

"You got to get up every morning
With a smile on your face
and show the world
All the love in your heart
And people gonna treat you better
You're gonna find out, yes you will
That you're beautiful, you're beautiful
As You Feel..."

:hug: don't let the bastards grind you down.
 
MissVelvetDress_75 said:
most people i have met in person tend to be shy. which always surprises me.
Click to expand...

On-line communication is far easier for a shy person than the face-to-face stuff. One reason I am shy in person is that I don't know what to say as part of normal social small talk. On-line, I have the luxury of thinking about what I say (and a chance to edit what I say). The computer is a nice, user-friendly wall in communication.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

Miroslava
Friday, February 23, 2024 - MSG Sphere - Las Vegas, NV
Replies
2
Views
502
Miroslava
Miroslava
MrsSpringsteen
Gilead States Of America
Replies
16
Views
904
MrsSpringsteen
MrsSpringsteen
Janet H
  • Sticky
Forum Update - We're back! Ask your questions here.
2
Replies
36
Views
2K
Popmartijn
Popmartijn
O
Better late than never “they” say…
Replies
1
Views
287
Headache in a Suitcase
Headache in a Suitcase
H
Setlist Issue
Replies
3
Views
488
lazarus
lazarus

Latest posts

Back
Top Bottom