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Old 12-13-2001, 11:05 AM   #1
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Letterman's Top Ten Lists

Does anyone else love them? I do. Here's last night's...

Top Ten Excuses Of The American Taliban Guy


10. "Terrorist training camps looked a lot nicer in the brochure"

9. "I didn't join the Taliban, I was interning for the Taliban"

8. "I lost a Super Bowl bet"

7. "Dazzled by the Taliban commercials that aired during one of Kathie Lee's Ramadan specials"

6. "What kid doesn't grow up dreaming of being the next Mullah Omar?"

5. "Al Qaeda? Oh man, I thought I was fighting for Ralph Nader"

4. "Since when is fighting against your country with an evil terrorist regime considered treason?"

3. "Got tired of wearing clean clothes and not getting shot at"

2. "Like you've never joined an international terrorist ring!"

1. "Oh, I thought this was a paintball game"


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Old 12-13-2001, 11:13 AM   #2
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Letterman is the best! Those are hilarious.

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Old 12-13-2001, 11:23 AM   #3
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The only one that turned up a U2 reference


Top Ten Questions President Clinton Was Asked by Teens on MTV

10. Will your health-care plan cover a wicked hangover?
9. Can you make a law that they have to play more U2 videos?

8. Where's the sax, Tubby?

7. How do you keep your thighs so pasty white?

6. Does Gennifer Flowers wear boxers or briefs?

5. Is it true you wanted to remove your pants and call this Clinton Unplugged?

4. Hey, like, what's with that Gore dude?

3. This 'United States' you keep mentioning -- is that like a band or something?

2. Wow -- How'd you get your ass into those shorts?

1. Where's Beavis, Butthead?


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Old 12-13-2001, 11:26 AM   #4
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I love Dave's Top ten List. He really has some good ones sometimes.
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Old 12-13-2001, 11:55 AM   #5
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Those lists are hilarious!

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Old 12-14-2001, 05:12 AM   #6
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Just out of curiosity, since I can't receive those shows anymore... how long did it take for Letterman et al to start joking about these things?
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Old 12-14-2001, 07:50 PM   #7
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I love Dave- I only get to watch him when I am up late as he is usually on here at about 12:30pm, but I switched on last night and caught a bit of Ellen Degeneres which was funny, and I love his top ten lists, even though sometimes I dont get them as they make refferences to American things or people, but generally they are very good and btw he is a big U2 fan isnt he???????
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Old 12-14-2001, 08:33 PM   #8
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Yes-I think he is a U2 fan. He's had them on after all.

Here's another funny one.


Top Ten Ways The World Would Be Different If It Were Owned By MTV

10. President opens State of Union by giving "shout out to Wu Tang"

9. Instead of the Presidents, school kids must learn the lead singers of Van Halen

8. Biggest complaint about the government: "It never shows videos anymore"

7. George W. Bush refuses to answer whether he's ever "gotten jiggy wit' it"

6. So long Washington Monument, hello Tommy Lee Monument

5. "Great Depression" refers to period between Backstreet Boys albums

4. New national anthem would contain samples of other country's national anthems

3. Instead of death penalty, prisoners forced to watch Britney Spears videos in heavy rotation

2. National health plan to treat males suffering from Limp Bizkit

1. First Lady Marilyn Manson


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Old 12-14-2001, 10:36 PM   #9
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Dave rules!!!!

This was my favorite of the Taliban Top Ten:
3. "Got tired of wearing clean clothes and not getting shot at"

I'm STILL laughing as I write thissss
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Old 12-15-2001, 02:11 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally posted by Gina Marie:
3. Instead of death penalty, prisoners forced to watch Britney Spears videos in heavy rotation
Oh yes, that truly would be worse than death!

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Old 12-15-2001, 10:20 AM   #11
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ummm, hahaha

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Old 12-30-2001, 07:24 PM   #12
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Adding this one for the New Year...


Top Ten Signs You're At A Lame New Year's Eve Party


10. To give it a Times Square feel, everyone is groped, fondled and pick-pocketed


9. "Party hats" look suspiciously like stolen traffic cones


8. "Ball drop" at midnight consists of a trick your Uncle Earl does when he's loaded


7. "Champagne" really apple juice mixed with Alka Seltzer


6. You notice a "Happy 1999" tag on the package of shrimp you've been eating all night


5. The host kicks everyone out at 11:58 so he can go to bed


4. The only guests are you and Richard Simmons, and guess who wants a New Year's Eve kiss?


3. The Amish can do many things well, but throwing parties ain't one of them


2. It's just you and a dozen Mullahs in a cave


1. It's held in March


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Old 12-30-2001, 07:40 PM   #13
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I was sure nr. 1 would be "when people don't laugh, but 'lol' at your jokes"

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