Jack Handy appreciation thread........ - U2 Feedback

Go Back   U2 Feedback > Lypton Village > Lemonade Stand > Lemonade Stand Archive
Click Here to Login
 
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
 
Old 03-04-2003, 02:18 PM   #1
Rock n' Roll Doggie
VIP PASS
 
Elvis Presley's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: eachnotesecure.com
Posts: 5,058
Local Time: 03:01 PM
Jack Handy appreciation thread........

I was prompted from another board I frequent to look up some of this mans wonderful quotes again......here are some of my favorites.........

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man. - JH

A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby." -JH

I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye. -JH

If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone. - JH

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to DisneyLand, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "DisneyLand burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real DisneyLand, but it was getting pretty late. -JH

Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done. -JH
__________________

__________________
Elvis Presley is offline  
Old 03-04-2003, 02:30 PM   #2
Rock n' Roll Doggie
VIP PASS
 
Elvis Presley's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: eachnotesecure.com
Posts: 5,058
Local Time: 03:01 PM
Most of the time it was probably real bad being stuck down in a dungeon. But some days, when there was a bad storm outside, you'd look out your little window and think, "Boy, I'm glad I'm not out in that."
- Jack Handey

If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like "Hey, look. He's carrying a soldering iron!" and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, "That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice." Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink.
- Jack Handey

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.
- Jack Handey
__________________

__________________
Elvis Presley is offline  
Old 03-04-2003, 02:31 PM   #3
Purgatory
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 1,445
Local Time: 01:01 PM
ive read the disneyland one, jack handy is indeed a wonderful man.
__________________
Gickies Gageeze is offline  
Old 03-04-2003, 02:33 PM   #4
Rock n' Roll Doggie
VIP PASS
 
Elvis Presley's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: eachnotesecure.com
Posts: 5,058
Local Time: 03:01 PM
Quote:
Originally posted by Gickies Gageeze
ive read the disneyland one, jack handy is indeed a wonderful man.
he is my mentor.......
__________________
Elvis Presley is offline  
Old 03-04-2003, 02:34 PM   #5
Refugee
 
mmmBono's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: blarneyville
Posts: 1,831
Local Time: 07:01 PM


I Jack Handy!! Thanks Elvis
__________________
mmmBono is offline  
Old 03-04-2003, 02:37 PM   #6
Rock n' Roll Doggie
VIP PASS
 
Elvis Presley's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: eachnotesecure.com
Posts: 5,058
Local Time: 03:01 PM
Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean ? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.
- Jack Handey

To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.
- Jack Handey

Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing.
- Jack Handey

I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.
- Jack Handey
__________________
Elvis Presley is offline  
Old 03-04-2003, 02:50 PM   #7
ONE
love, blood, life
 
Basstrap's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Posts: 10,726
Local Time: 04:31 PM
I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex - JH

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than to be selfish and worry about my liver.' - JH

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you'll be a mile from them, and you'll have their shoes.
--Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
--Jack Handy Deep Thoughts
__________________
Basstrap is offline  
Old 03-04-2003, 02:58 PM   #8
Rock n' Roll Doggie
 
Giant Lemon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: out in the slipstream
Posts: 3,265
Local Time: 07:01 PM


I Jack Handey!
__________________
Giant Lemon is offline  
Old 03-04-2003, 05:59 PM   #9
New Yorker
 
gherman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: Ann Arbor, MI, USA
Posts: 2,525
Local Time: 08:01 PM
It's been a long time since I've read those... funny shit man!
__________________
gherman is offline  
Old 03-04-2003, 06:04 PM   #10
Blue Meth Addict
 
u2popmofo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Texas
Posts: 36,961
Local Time: 01:01 PM
Hilarity, thy name is Jack Handy.
__________________
u2popmofo is offline  
Old 03-04-2003, 06:13 PM   #11
War Child
 
Vorsprung's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: Netherlands
Posts: 976
Local Time: 08:01 PM



Never heard of Jack Handy, but I believe Socrates could have learned a lot from him.....


Those really are some fabulous quotes!!!!!!!!
__________________
Vorsprung is offline  
Old 03-04-2003, 06:17 PM   #12
Blue Meth Addict
 
u2popmofo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Texas
Posts: 36,961
Local Time: 01:01 PM
Re: Jack Handy appreciation thread........

Quote:
Originally posted by Elvis Presley
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man. - JH
I've modeled my life after this quote.
__________________
u2popmofo is offline  
Old 03-04-2003, 06:18 PM   #13
Rock n' Roll Doggie
VIP PASS
 
Stories for Boys's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: chicago
Posts: 5,876
Local Time: 02:01 PM
__________________
Stories for Boys is offline  
Old 03-04-2003, 06:58 PM   #14
Blue Crack Addict
 
nbcrusader's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Southern California
Posts: 22,071
Local Time: 11:01 AM
Thanks to Jack Handy, I'm scared of clowns.

Hysterical
__________________
nbcrusader is offline  
Old 03-04-2003, 08:26 PM   #15
Rock n' Roll Doggie
ALL ACCESS
 
ILuvLarryMullen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: in the sunshine
Posts: 6,904
Local Time: 11:01 AM
I Jack Handy
__________________

__________________
ILuvLarryMullen is offline  
 

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:01 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Design, images and all things inclusive copyright © Interference.com