Is this girl NUTS ?!? (Long)

[Mulholland Drive]

Okay, here's the story. I met this girl a few years ago. We started a relationship. It was on again, off again for a year and a half. She had a boyfriend the whole time. I know, bad idea, but I thought I loved her. Anyways, we decided to just be friends six months ago. During that time, we've been just that...friends. I have not had romantic feelings for her at all during this time. She has lied about many things, and I cannot have feelings for someone who does that, but I chose to keep the friendship, because she seemed lonely and had problems. Anyways, I had a party Thursday night, she was here, and I got wasted and wrote her an e-mail saying I loved her. Which is really not true. I was in that emotionally drunk stage where you tell people things you don't mean, y'know? Anyways, she stopped talking to me. She was actually quite friendly with me after reading it, and I apologized and told her to disregard it. She stopped talking to me completely a few days ago. I went to her apartment to talk to her, and her roommate said she wasn't home, but her car was in the parking lot. I get home, and her away message says "to the person who knocked on my door...I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU!!!" Then she sent me these e-mails...

E-MAIL #1

I hope you would have gotten the hint by my avoiding you the past few days, but obviously, you didn?t. The only reason why I?m taking any time to respond to your insulting emails and obsessive attempts to contact me is to clarify my position so you will STOP fixating about it. First of all, it is not just about the email you sent, though that email was annoying (and you know what you wrote?so stop dwelling on it!). It?s about a combination of things that have led me to strongly believe that being around you is a totally negative experience for me. Your negativity always brings me down, and I cannot stand constantly fighting with you. There is no changing that?and that?s been clear to me over the course of knowing you. Being ?friends? with you is just unhealthy, and I do not want it anymore. Can you understand that?

My idea of friendship doesn?t include threats, insults, judgments, and psychotic, obsessive rage?which is exactly what you offer me as a ?friend.? So let?s put it simply: it?s not about the email, it?s about you. And I don?t want to deal with this ******** anymore.

Do not call, do not IM me, do not threaten me, do not criticize me in order to make me feel poorly about myself (it will not work anyway), do not try to involve yourself with me through MY friends, do not try to prove yourself as a caring friend?it?s a lost cause, do not come to my apartment or stalk me in any other way. Just let it go and get on with your life.

This is as involved as I will get in your ******** drama.

E-MAIL #2
Again, I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU!! Why do you insist on writing me back, only to try and insult and regain your self confidence while doing so?? It's just pathetic how you treat ME, and I do not need to prove that you are some "psychopath", as you prove time and time again in your emails that you send. You aim to insult, not to better. You could have just taken the hint, and walked away. Instead, you decide to stick around, and try and insult and threaten me. So, as much as you TRIED to hurt or scare me in your email, it makes me just realise even more what a wise choice I made in not talking to you again. A "friend" no matter how mad they are, would not backlash like this. If I wished, I could go on insulting you in this email, but I guess since I don't feel like making an ass out of myself, I'll stick to sanity. Speaking of which, you sound completely insane in your email and, as I thought you would, never even got the point of my last email. So please, take this time again and read over. I believe I said, do not email me....let me add in another one, DO NOT INTERFERE WITH MY LIFE. I'm not sure why this is so incredibly hard for you to understand. And again, you can tell me time and time again how ****ed up you think I am, or how insane you think I've been acting, but I really REALLY do not care! I obviously have friends who really DO care about me, unlike you, who constantly aims to hurt. So, looking at this, we can see that I am a good person, no matter how difficult of times I go through, or stages I go through in life. Any sane good friend would see this. You, obviously, don't. And I have treated you no worse than you have treated me. AND GET OVER THE ****ING EMAIL!!!!! As I said before, it's not even about that. As for threatening me, that's ****ing insane and desperate. Lay off the "I'm better than you" power trip. Again, for your sake so you see it this time I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. LEAVE ME ALONE. DO NOT WRITE ME BACK. In closing, **** off.


This is where I'm bewildered. I have NEVER threatened her or become enraged towards her. I've treated her better than anyone else, and besides being moody sometimes, she has always seemed perfectly happy being around me. Then I get these. Her brother IM'ed me and said if I ever bothered her again, he'd come beat me. Furthermore, she met a guy online a while back, and decided to meet him in person. She told me he was nuts, and promptly cut him off. I just found out from him (with e-mail proof) that she told him she loved him, tried to kiss him, and even sent him love letters. She went to California a while back with her ex, and made a point of e-mailing me to tell me he was trying to force her into sex with him. She said he threatened to leave her there. She badmouthed the ex when she returned, and cut him off for almost a year before speaking to him again. She told me maybe four months ago that she did indeed willingly have sex with him. And that she had done it as recently as a few weeks prior.

Now, I don't want her as a friend anymore. I'm finished. But I'm considering trying to get her professional help. This is not normal behavior. This other guy she met online (who goes to my university) is stopping by tomorrow to talk. I know it sounds childish, but we're considering telling her boyfriend everything. He does not deserve this, and if he found out, maybe she'd realize she needs help. Some may say it's not my place, but I am making it my place. She needs to stop. She's destroying people's lives and screwing around behind this guy's back. Is she NUTS?!? Opinions please.

On a side note, I took her to our first U2 concert.

 

[BAW]

Run from this woman, as fast as you can. Block her email and AIM names and do not respond to her further. From what you have described, she feeds on drama and attention and everytime you answer her or respond to her emails, you are feeding her need.

If you tell her boyfriend, he won't believe you. It will get turned around and you will look like the one who needs help.

Get away from this situation before her drama causes you any more mental anguish or possible physical harm.

 

[Angela Harlem]

yeah block everything about her. Dont answer her calls, dont return them if she leaves messages, dont say a word to her brother or new boyfriend, just keep silent and far far away. Dont even answer the door to them if they knock.

Consider her non exsistent.

Good luck!

 

[christiana]

I'm actually afraid that she will be the one harassing you!

I agree with others that you should not care about anything about her now on. All she wants is just attention from you (and that boy)obviously. If you tell her BF, I doubt he'll believe you. He may even think you're harassing her. Leave her alone and let her forget you may be the best thing to do now.

 

[dream wanderer]

Walk away. I know its hard to do concerning someone you once cared for...but leave it by the side of the road and get on with your own life.

If she really has mental problems...someone someplace else in a more suitable situtation that you are in will notice and take proper action. It might sound harsh...but its not your place right now to do so.

dream wanderer



[This message has been edited by dream wanderer (edited 05-02-2002).]

 

[pax]

This chick does have issues. Bono's wife and everyone else are right on.

 

[Sicy]

I'm curious to see the emails you sent her.

But she sounds like a real bitch.

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Sexy poshin' sugar snarlin' rock and roll ...

My Lair

 

[PrincessBadgirl]

...If she didn't want to talk to you then she wouldn't have written long emails back. She has a problem that she'll have to solve on her own. Telling her bf won't help. I don't know why characters like her remind me of Blanche from a Street car named desire.

I've known girls kinda like her that try to make it sound like guys are just after them when in fact they lead the guys on and can't seem to keep their personal lives to themselves, my action is always the same for those type of girls, get away- FAST! The more you feed into her little problem the more secure she feels with herself.

 

[Crzy4Bono]

Run away! Run away!!!

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She's gonna dream up a world she wants to live in / She's gonna dream out loud.
Visit my web page at www.u2page.com

 

[WildHoneyAlways]

I agree with princess...if she didn't want to have contact with you she wouldn't have emailed you 3 times. She sounds like she needs help, serious help. (or a swift kick in the ass) Sober I would not tell her boyfriend but if I was drunk....it might happen.

 

[Mulholland Drive]

Yes, I doubt if I'll tell her boyfriend. If she leaves me alone from now on, I won't, that's for sure. Here's the funny part. Her brother IM'ed me and said if I ever contacted her again, he'd come beat me. I e-mailed her and told her that if anyone set foot in my parking lot, they'd be going to jail. She replied, and said she only involved her brother because she feels I'm a threat. Apparently, by insinuating that I may tell her boyfriend, she thinks that's a threat. She then told me she was filing a restraining order against me, and if I replied to her e-mail, it'd be grounds enough. Is she completely nuts? You can't get a restraining order against someone because they e-mail you and tell you to leave them alone. Jesus, I'd be well within my rights to tell her boyfriend. It's not hurting her, it's not threatening her, and it's not coming in contact with her. What a nutjob.

 

[diamond]

Turn around and run brother.
beware
DB9

[This message has been edited by diamond (edited 05-03-2002).]

 

[BAW]

Originally posted by Mulholland Drive:
Yes, I doubt if I'll tell her boyfriend. If she leaves me alone from now on, I won't, that's for sure. Here's the funny part. Her brother IM'ed me and said if I ever contacted her again, he'd come beat me. I e-mailed her and told her that if anyone set foot in my parking lot, they'd be going to jail. She replied, and said she only involved her brother because she feels I'm a threat. Apparently, by insinuating that I may tell her boyfriend, she thinks that's a threat. She then told me she was filing a restraining order against me, and if I replied to her e-mail, it'd be grounds enough. Is she completely nuts? You can't get a restraining order against someone because they e-mail you and tell you to leave them alone. Jesus, I'd be well within my rights to tell her boyfriend. It's not hurting her, it's not threatening her, and it's not coming in contact with her. What a nutjob.

Man, you need to get out of this situation NOW. Block her emails, block her IM's, block her brother's IM's. Every single response is prolonging your association with this chick. Don't respond to anything from her unless its a direct threat against your life, and in that case, you would go to the cops. She obviously has a way of making men believe her stories so you're never gonna win here. Again, telling her boyfriend will do you no good. You might feel better after you do it but you just might end up looking like the one who doesn't want to let go.

 

[Mulholland Drive]

Originally posted by Bono's American Wife:
Man, you need to get out of this situation NOW. Block her emails, block her IM's, block her brother's IM's. Every single response is prolonging your association with this chick. Don't respond to anything from her unless its a direct threat against your life, and in that case, you would go to the cops. She obviously has a way of making men believe her stories so you're never gonna win here. Again, telling her boyfriend will do you no good. You might feel better after you do it but you just might end up looking like the one who doesn't want to let go.

I'm still debating whether or not to tell him. If I do, I have quite a bit of proof (namely e-mails), so I won't look like I'm nuts, and I could possibly be saving this guy from a lot of grief. I have to think it over.

On another note, I e-mailed her and told her that this would be my last message, and I simply wanted her to know that if her brother or anyone else stepped foot in my parking lot, they would be going to jail. I concluded by telling her I never wanted to hear from her again in any shape or form. Here's her response:

"Adam,

I have decided to reply because YOU will not leave me the fuck alone. I involved my brother because you have gone insanely angry with this whole ordeal, threatening me constantly, getting into my personal business, and it's more than scary. I informed him that you are a threat to me, and he is watching out for me. PERIOD. I have already taken steps in getting a restraining order on you, as I feel you are a threat to me. They will be sent to you as soon as you send me another email, attempt to get involved in my life again, or if I see you again, and feel it was purposeful. Stop the threats Adam, or it will turn back on you."

This is what I find funny. At no point made any threats to her, and my e-mail responses clearly show that. Doesn't someone have to actually threaten you before you can get a restraining order on them? Personally, it's a conceited thing to say, because she's obviously not worth a second of my or anyone else's time. She just assumes that she's so wonderful, that I'll desperately try to keep contact with her. Jesus. What a whackjob. I think I have more of a right to get a restraining order here, especially after her brother threatened me with violence.

God, I hope she never contacts me again.

 

[doctorwho]

A few years back, I had a drinking buddy who asked for help with his career. He was someone about 10 years my junior. We were on the same bowling league and due to similarities in our lives (science background, Catholic upbringing, etc.), we hit it off, despite the 10 year age gap. As I wrote above, he was basically a fun drinking buddy.

Whenever he was involved with someone, I rarely saw him. Not a problem - I'm used to this. When a man has a woman in his life, his friends take a step back. The problem is that as soon as any relationship ended, I was suddenly his "best bud" again. This is also common, but he'd go through lovers like cheap wine. I truly felt like a yo-yo. For 2-3 months, I wouldn't hear from him at all. Then, suddenly he's calling all the time. Still, as I wrote, he was a drinking bud and his odd behavior was tolerable. I barely considered him a friend, but I did care for him as a person and I wanted him to succeed in life.

Because of our similar career paths, I was the type of person who could hire him. This wasn't to say I would, but I thought that I'd at least help him with his resume. I helped write his first resume shortly after he graduated with his B.S. degree. I gave him the resume I made back in the late 80's when I was just starting my career. Instead of using it as a template, he almost copied it verbatim, making only the obvious changes (school, graduation date, etc.). I thought this was odd (as a resume is usually very personal), but it worked and he was able to get a job, so I was happy for him.

About a year later, he wanted to move to CA and was seeking a new job. Once again, he asked for my help. So I asked him to give me an updated resume. His new resume was exactly the same as his old one - including all the mistakes he had in that first one - with the exception of one additional sentence regarding his current position. I was irate at this for he had told me how "hard he worked" on his new resume, when it was painfully clear that he has spent no more than 5 minutes on the update. Furthermore, unlike the resume I had in the 80's, his resume looked sloppy and unprofessional. To truly make the situation worse, he wanted me to contact colleagues I knew in CA and give them this horrible looking resume. Essentially, I was putting my reputation on the line by recommending a "drinking buddy" who had a terrible resume.

Since I thought we were on friendly terms, I was honest. I told him that I thought his resume "sucked." However, I put in all sorts of smiley faces to let him know I was joking. Then, several distinguised colleagues and I helped rewrite his resume to something that was eye-catching. In other words, while I teased him about his current resume, I spent a good 2 days rewriting and fine-tuning it. I then sent it off to colleagues I had in CA with the hopes of getting him a job.

What was his response? Instead of being grateful that I went out of my way to rewrite his resume and send out letters of recommendation to colleagues I had in CA, he lashed into me. He told me that no one had ever insulted him that way. Then he stated that he would never contact me again.

Needless to say, I was stunned. I kept thinking to myself, "I wish I had known a person 10 years my senior in my profession back when I was his age - it could have really helped me in my career." I was beyond words to see him turn on me considering how much I tried to help him.

I sent him a token e-mail asking what was up with this attitude. I thought perhaps my smiley faces didn't stress I was joking. Still, I was furious and let him know. For a "drinking buddy" to ask for help and then to lash out like this (he actually wrote that he "allowed me to help him"!) was too much. We never spoke again. As far as I'm concerned, he owes me a HUGE apology and he needs to mature big time.

I will acquiesce, this "drinking bud" had a tough childhood. He did drugs, had issues with his parents and clearly didn't know what he wanted in life. He even talked about how he once tried to commit suicide. All of this seemed to be reflected in his hateful note to me. It seemed that he lashed out at the one person who actually tried to help him.

Some people don't want help - or at least the help you are offering. This woman sounds a lot like my former drinking bud. She has issues - but thinks YOU are the problem. Often this is the #1 sign that a person has problems - they blame everyone but themselves for the world they live in. And they will lash out at those who care, thinking they are the biggest problems.

My advice is to just drop it now. You cannot help her - she needs help far beyond what you can give. Yes, you'll be angry. You'll be upset that she's the one threatening you (via her brother) yet she claims you are threatening her. And you'll be upset that you lost a friend. But, let it slide. Time heals. You'll think about her now and then and hope she's doing well. But it's clear that just dropping it now is the best.

Don't send her another e-mail, no matter how tempted you are. Don't contact her b/f. Don't contact her brother. Just drop it. If she e-mails you again, delete the message. If she IM's you, ignore it or decline the message (if possible). She needs you to ignore her, just as I ultimately had to ignore my friend. You cannot offer someone help when they don't want it - even if they claim that they do.

Best of luck to you.

[This message has been edited by doctorwho (edited 05-04-2002).]

 

[Mulholland Drive]

Oh yeah, she's snapped. She removed all my pics from her website and deleted all my guestbook entries. Gee, and I was taking care of her cats too. Now I'm stuck with two feline monsters.