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Old 05-08-2005, 09:41 PM   #46
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OH MY GOD!!!!!



I think this is the first time I've cried over reading a joke...

I'm actually crying of laughing about that cheese thing...

I think that picturing John Cleese and the other guy in the parrot skatch from SNL did it for me... with Cleese beign the Owner of the store...

My dad thinks I'm crazy like I'm laughing over nothing...

Mental Note: get Monthy Python videos/dvds... FAST!!!
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Old 05-09-2005, 01:24 AM   #47
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Quote:
Originally posted by boystupidboy


*dumps on your post*
At it AGAIN are you?!
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Old 05-09-2005, 03:40 AM   #48
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Voice-over BBC man....

"And now, a reminder about leaving your radio on during the night...........Leave your radio on, during the night".
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Old 05-09-2005, 08:09 AM   #49
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The first time my mom and I went to England, we bought a small china penguin and put it on our television.


So we could say we had a penguin on the telly.
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Old 05-09-2005, 08:59 AM   #50
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Quote:
Originally posted by martha
The first time my mom and I went to England, we bought a small china penguin and put it on our television.


So we could say we had a penguin on the telly.
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Old 05-09-2005, 10:26 AM   #51
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^ I guess you'll just have to watch the episode to get it.
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Old 05-10-2005, 02:20 AM   #52
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Quote:
Originally posted by boystupidboy
You dont know what ur missing!!! Boy - I have each series on box set dvd in my shop! All 14 dvd's of it! You can only get em' in the states or online. £9.99 each (That's a 2 dvd box set) Or if u want em' all, i'm sure we could strike a deal!






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Old 05-10-2005, 02:22 AM   #53
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Quote:
Originally posted by martha
The first time my mom and I went to England, we bought a small china penguin and put it on our television.


So we could say we had a penguin on the telly.


"BURMA"!!!


"What did u say that for?"


"I panicked"!

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Old 05-10-2005, 02:32 AM   #54
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Boy - you reluctantly seem to have started a Python-Worshipping thread here!!

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Old 05-10-2005, 03:33 PM   #55
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I run rings 'round you logically.
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Old 05-10-2005, 10:06 PM   #56
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Maybe this is what boystupidboy was looking for:

The Cast (in order of appearance.)
M= Man looking for an argument
R= Receptionist
Q= Abuser
A= Arguer (John Cleese)
C= Complainer (Eric Idle)
H= Head Hitter


M: Ah. I'd like to have an argument, please.
R: Certainly sir. Have you been here before?
M: No, I haven't, this is my first time.
R: I see. Well, do you want to have just one argument, or were you thinking of taking a course?
M: Well, what is the cost?
R: Well, It's one pound for a five minute argument, but only eight pounds for a course of ten.
M: Well, I think it would be best if I perhaps started off with just the one and then see how it goes.
R: Fine. Well, I'll see who's free at the moment.
Pause
R: Mr. DeBakey's free, but he's a little bit conciliatory.
Ahh yes, Try Mr. Barnard; room 12.
M: Thank you.

(Walks down the hall. Opens door.)

Q: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
M: Well, I was told outside that...
Q: Don't give me that, you snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings!
M: What?
Q: Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke, you vacuous, coffee-nosed, maloderous, pervert!!!
M: Look, I CAME HERE FOR AN ARGUMENT, I'm not going to just stand...!!
Q: OH, oh I'm sorry, but this is abuse.
M: Oh, I see, well, that explains it.
Q: Ah yes, you want room 12A, Just along the corridor.
M: Oh, Thank you very much. Sorry.
Q: Not at all.
M: Thank You.
(Under his breath) Stupid git!!

(Walk down the corridor)
M: (Knock)
A: Come in.
M: Ah, Is this the right room for an argument?
A: I told you once.
M: No you haven't.
A: Yes I have.
M: When?
A: Just now.
M: No you didn't.
A: Yes I did.
M: You didn't
A: I did!
M: You didn't!
A: I'm telling you I did!
M: You did not!!
A: Oh, I'm sorry, just one moment. Is this a five minute argument or the full half hour?
M: Oh, just the five minutes.
A: Ah, thank you. Anyway, I did.
M: You most certainly did not.
A: Look, let's get this thing clear; I quite definitely told you.
M: No you did not.
A: Yes I did.
M: No you didn't.
A: Yes I did.
M: No you didn't.
A: Yes I did.
M: No you didn't.
A: Yes I did.
M: You didn't.
A: Did.
M: Oh look, this isn't an argument.
A: Yes it is.
M: No it isn't. It's just contradiction.
A: No it isn't.
M: It is!
A: It is not.
M: Look, you just contradicted me.
A: I did not.
M: Oh you did!!
A: No, no, no.
M: You did just then.
A: Nonsense!
M: Oh, this is futile!
A: No it isn't.
M: I came here for a good argument.
A: No you didn't; no, you came here for an argument.
M: An argument isn't just contradiction.
A: It can be.
M: No it can't. An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition.
A: No it isn't.
M: Yes it is! It's not just contradiction.
A: Look, if I argue with you, I must take up a contrary position.
M: Yes, but that's not just saying 'No it isn't.'
A: Yes it is!
M: No it isn't!

A: Yes it is!
M: Argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of any statement the other person makes.
(short pause)
A: No it isn't.
M: It is.
A: Not at all.
M: Now look.
A: (Rings bell) Good Morning.
M: What?
A: That's it. Good morning.
M: I was just getting interested.
A: Sorry, the five minutes is up.
M: That was never five minutes!
A: I'm afraid it was.
M: It wasn't.
Pause
A: I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue anymore.
M: What?!
A: If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five minutes.
M: Yes, but that was never five minutes, just now. Oh come on!
A: (Hums)
M: Look, this is ridiculous.
A: I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid!
M: Oh, all right.
(pays money)
A: Thank you.
short pause
M: Well?
A: Well what?
M: That wasn't really five minutes, just now.
A: I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid.
M: I just paid!
A: No you didn't.
M: I DID!
A: No you didn't.
M: Look, I don't want to argue about that.
A: Well, you didn't pay.
M: Aha. If I didn't pay, why are you arguing? I Got you!
A: No you haven't.
M: Yes I have. If you're arguing, I must have paid.
A: Not necessarily. I could be arguing in my spare time.
M: Oh I've had enough of this.
A: No you haven't.
M: Oh Shut up.

(Walks down the stairs. Opens door.)

M: I want to complain.
C: You want to complain! Look at these shoes. I've only had them three weeks and the heels are worn right through.
M: No, I want to complain about...
C: If you complain nothing happens, you might as well not bother.
M: Oh!
C: Oh my back hurts, it's not a very fine day and I'm sick and tired of this office.


(Slams door. walks down corridor, opens next door.)

M: Hello, I want to... Ooooh!
H: No, no, no. Hold your head like this, then go Waaah. Try it again.
M: uuuwwhh!!
H: Better, Better, but Waah, Waah! Put your hand there.
M: No.
H: Now..
M: Waaaaah!!!
H: Good, Good! That's it.
M: Stop hitting me!!
H: What?
M: Stop hitting me!!
H: Stop hitting you?
M: Yes!
H: Why did you come in here then?
M: I wanted to complain.
H: Oh no, that's next door. It's being-hit-on-the-head lessons in here.
M: What a stupid concept.

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Old 05-11-2005, 01:59 AM   #57
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Lovely stuff!
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Old 05-11-2005, 05:38 AM   #58
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OMG that's friggin hilarious
*copy & paste-alert*
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Old 05-11-2005, 06:08 AM   #59
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CAPTION: 'THE MOUSE PROBLEM'

Cut to a policeman leading a man in mouse costume into a police station. Photo of headline: Mouse Clubs On Increase.
Cut to: photos of neon signs of clubs: Eek Eek Club; The Little White Rodent Room; Caerphilly A Go-Go.
Cut to studio: ordinary grey-suited linkman.
Linkman Yes. The Mouse Problem. This week 'The World Around Us' looks at the growing social phenomenon of Mice and Men. What makes a man want to be a mouse.
Interviewer, Harold Voice, sitting facing a confessor. The confessor is badly lit and is turned away from camera.
Man (very slowly and painfully) Well it's not a question of wanting to be a mouse... it just sort of happens to you. All of a sudden you realize... that's what you want to be.
Interviewer And when did you first notice these... shall we say... tendencies?
Man Well... I was about seventeen and some mates and me went to a party, and, er... we had quite a lot to drink... and then some of the fellows there ... started handing ... cheese around ... and well just out of curiosity I tried a bit ... and well that was that.
Interviewer And what else did these fellows do?
Man Well some of them started dressing up as mice a bit ... and then when they'd got the costumes on they started ... squeaking.
Interviewer Yes. And was that all?
Man That was all.
Interviewer And what was your reaction to this?
Man Well I was shocked. But, er... gradually I came to feel that I was more at ease ... with other mice.
Cut to linkman.
Linkman A typical case, whom we shall refer to as Mr A, although his real name is this:
Voice Over (and CAPTION
ARTHUR JACKSON
32A MILTON AVENUE,
HOUNSLOW, MIDDLESEX.
Linkman What is it that attracts someone like mr. A to this way of life? I have with me a consultant psychiatrist.
The camera pulls back to reveal the psychiatrist who places in front og himself a notice saying 'The Amazing Kargol And Janet'.
Kargol Well, we've just heard a typical case history. I myself have over seven hundred similar histories, all fully documented. Would you care to choose one?
Janet (Carol), dressed in a showgirl's outfit, enters and offers linkman the case histories fanned out like cards, with one more prominent than the others; he picks it out.
Kargol (without looking) Mr Arthur Aldridge of Leamington.
Linkman Well, that's amazing, amazing. Thank you, Janet. (chord; Janet postures and exits) Kargol, speaking as a psychiatrist as opposed to a conjuror...
Kargol (disappointed) Oh...
Linkman ...what makes certain men want to be mice?
Kargol Well, we psychiatrist have found that over 8% of the population will always be mice, I mean, after all, there's something of the mouse in all of us. I mean, how many of us can honestly say that at one time or another he hasn't felt sexually attracted to mice. (linkman looks puzzeld) I know I have. I mean, most normal adolescents go through a stage of squeaking two or three times a day. Some youngsters on the other hand, are attracted to it by its very illegality. It's like murder - make a thing illegal and it acquires a mystique. (linkman looks increasingly embarrassed) Look at arson - I mean, how many of us can honestly say that at one time or another he hasn't set fire to some great public building. I know I have. (phone on desk rings; the linkman picks it up but does not answer it) The only way to bring the crime figures down is to reduce the number of offences - get it out in the open - I know I have.
Linkman (replacing phone) The Amazing Kargol And Janet. What a lot of people don't realize is that a mouse, once accepted, can fulfil a very useful role in society. Indeed there are examples throughout history of famous men now known to have been mice.
Cut to julius Caesar on beach. He shouts 'Veni Vidi, Vici'. Then he adds a furtive squeak. Napoleon pulls slice of cheese out of jacket and bites into it.
Cut to Linkman
Linkman And, of course, Hillaire Belloc. But what is the attitude...
Cut to man in a Viking helmet.
Viking (Eric Idle) ... of the man in the street towards...
Linkman ... this growing social problem?
Vox pops films.
Window Cleaner Clamp down on them.
Off-screen Voice How?
Window Cleaner I'd strangle them.
Stockbroker Well speaking as a member of the Stock Exchange I would suck their brains out with a straw, sell the widows and orphans and go into South American Zinc.
Man Yeh I'd, er, stuff sparrows down their throats, er, until the beaks stuck out through the, er, stomach walls.
Accountant Oh well I'm a chartered accountant, and consequently too boring to be of interest.
Vicar I feel that these poor unfortunate people should be free to live the lives of their own choice.
Porter I'd split their nostrils open with a boat hook, I think.
Man Well I mean, they can't help it, can they? But, er, there's nothing you can do about it. So er, I'd kill 'em.
Cut to linkman.
Linkman Clearly the British public's view is a hostile one.
Voice Over (and CAPTION 'HOSTILE'
Linkman But perhaps this is because so little is generally known of these mice men. We have some film now taken of one of the notorious weekend mouse parties, where these disgusting little perverts meet.
Cut to exterior house (night). The blinds are drawn so that only shadows of enormous mice can be seen, holding slices of cheese and squeaking.
Linkman's Voice Mr A tells us what actually goes on at these mouse parties.
Cut to Mr A.
Mr A Well first of all you get shown to your own private hole in the skirting board... then you put the mouse skin on... then you scurry into the main room, and perhaps take a run in the wheel.
Linkman The remainder of this film was taken secretly at one of these mouse parties by a BBC cameraman posing as a vole. As usual we apologize for the poor quality of the film.
Very, poor quality film, shadowy shapes, the odd mouse glimpsed.
Mr A's Voice Well, er, then you steal some cheese, Brie or Camembert, or Cheddar or Gouda, if you're on the harder stuff. You might go and see one of the blue cheese films... there's a big clock in the middle of the room, and about 12:50 you climb up it and then ...eventually, it strikes one... and you all run down.
Cut to a large matron with apron and cawing knife.
Linkman's Voice And what's that?
Mr A's Voice That's the farmer's wife.
Cut to the linkman at desk.
Linkman Perhaps we need to know more of these mice men before we can really judge them. Perhaps not. Anyway, our thirty minutes are up.
Sound of baa-ing. The linkman looks up in air, looks startled, pulls a gun from under the desk and fires in the air. The body of a sheep falls to the floor.
Linkman Goodnight.
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Old 01-11-2007, 03:04 AM   #60
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^OMG Aardvark that sketch is halarious. john cleese was so funny in that sketch.

Quote:
Originally posted by boystupidboy
what do i find funny?
the office
Alan Partridge
the simpsons
people who stutter(not pc i know but its really funny)
ah, you and Mr. Cleese have a similar sense of humor. he wrote a film called A Fish Called Wanda in which he cast, fellow Python, Micheal Palin as a compulsive stutterer. not many people find stuttering funny. I hope you have given Python a proper chance. i can't understand why anyone woudn't love Monty Python.
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