I want to share a theory with you, guys

[Kieran McConville]

I want to share a theory I've composed (and to nudge up my awesome unique post count).

It is simply this: taking The Onion as a test case, I propose that any story, no matter how horrible, mad and demented, can be made into comedy gold by means of its reportage in terms of 'Area Man'/'Area Woman'.

So instead of 'An unnamed suspect in the petrol bombing of the local court house', we could have 'Area Man Blows Up Courthouse'.

And you can see that the applicability of this is literally, endless. It's in fact limitless in its scope.

Post pictures of you saluting me, guys.

 

[GirlsAloudFan]

I'll be happy to salute you this morning, Kieran:

"Area Man gets drunk and falls out of 2nd story window"

 

[Kieran McConville]

Excellent.

I am Area Man's raging bile duct.

 

[mad1]

what wiv 3rd pic?

 

[DaveC]

I can promise you that there's already some Hollywood executive developing an Area Man movie on a fast-track.

 

[elevated_u2_fan]

I only salute those about to rock, are you about to or have you ever rocked?

 

[Zoots]

Area man uses Kieran's skull as bong?

 

[No spoken words]

I enjoy when Zoots rolls into these types of threads.

 

[Zoots]

 

[Mrs. Garrison]

Area man reads this thread and realizes he has to take a massive shit, does so and never returns to internets (teh).

Area woman reads this thread, decides her life isn't worth living and sets herself on fire.

Area transsexual reads this thread, contemplates turning his/her life over to God, opens church and is later accused by several congregation members of sexual assualt.

Area spambot reads this thread, was originally planning on spamming this thread with 100,000 different sexual stimuli remedies, instead spambot decides to go Fuck itself.

Area 51 aliens, in a response to reading this thread, telepathically communicate with the mothership which in turn prepares an all out assault on planet earth.

:mushroom cloud:

 

[Angela Harlem]

According to news.com.au, this would be:

Area Man says: QANTAS safe to fly with

Area Man could 'disappear'

Air passengers scuffle with Area Man

Starbucks closes its doors on Australia, Area Man layoffs

And in ShowBuzz:
David Beckham falls for Area Woman's raunchy routines

 

[Kieran McConville]

Area Man Pisses In Your Mouth

 

[No spoken words]

Didn't see that coming.

Up next, an exclusive report on Area Man's clandestine dealings with Frank the Monkey.

 

[AtomicBono]

Area Man = my new band name

 

[Zoots]

Area man mauled by you know who.

 

[elevated_u2_fan]

you know who = my new band name

 

[Zoomerang96]

the onion has done wonders with "area man", much like we have with "..., guys."

 

[No spoken words]

That's an apt comparison.