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Old 01-31-2005, 01:28 PM   #1
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how to get laid in 12 easy steps

while deathbear charms the ladies with death threats and dave is off chasing some "tail" with a butterfly net
good ol' basstrap keeps it real

I get the question, "how do you always manage to get some despite your BO problem?"
the answer is my 12 step plan
which can be converted to a 5 year plan

1. LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION. it works for building construction, it can work for you. Cos women are a lot like a house: they are square and takes a long time to heat up. HO HO HO. Seriously, take her to the Olive Garden. Just make sure she doesn't eat very much, you don't want her to get fat.

2. Charm her. Tell her lots of sexy things. Whisper in her ear something that will make her blush. I find "you have tender legs" works fine.

3. Now your back in your car after a great meal. The flames of passion are already burning. She's reeling after the comment about her tender legs. Don't let the flames burn out, give her a cute kiss on the forehead...then slowly move down and give butterfly kisses to her eyes.

4. To the beach. It is a sexy place. make sure to tell her some shit about her eyes the the moon and how her eyes are like the moon. or some shit
girls like shit

5. Time to go home. tell her you'd love her to come upstairs to your apartment. If she resists tell her you have a surprise. She'll be weary, but keep wearing a smile and curiosity will over come her.

6. Once she finds out there is no surprise she's going to want to run away...so make up a surprise. "look! this plate is for you! it still got some old food on it to remind you of just how much you love the way I ate most of your food so you wouldn't get fat"

7. Play her a song you wrote on guitar. Girls love a guy with a guitar. it's one of the many irrational fetishes they have

8.Give her wine. girls love wine, cos at heart they are all slaves to excess.

9. Give her your wine. Tell her you love her so much you want her to drink your wine. There will be hearts in her eyes like on cartoons

10. Ask her to sample a couple more bottles of wine that you made yourself.

11. more wine.

12. If everything works out fine she'll be be itching for the ol' boudaire.

remember through all of this: she WANTS to be objectified!
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Old 01-31-2005, 02:00 PM   #2
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you sexy beast.
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Old 01-31-2005, 02:05 PM   #3
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Old 01-31-2005, 02:06 PM   #4
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Old 01-31-2005, 02:08 PM   #5
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you know bassy, if you just showed up with wine in a box you would get laid without doing all those other steps.
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Old 01-31-2005, 02:10 PM   #6
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Hahahahaha!
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Old 01-31-2005, 02:21 PM   #7
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Old 01-31-2005, 02:36 PM   #8
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do these steps also work on david??
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Old 01-31-2005, 03:28 PM   #9
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Come to Barnsley, half of crap lager and a pack of pork scratchings is all that is required in some parts round here. You will need at least 8 pints of strong lager, such as wife beater.
It will not be a proud moment in your life, and you may require councilling sessions for between 6 and 12 month. This is to get over the shock of when you roll over in the morning and you go:


I have never done this sort of thing of course!
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Old 01-31-2005, 03:30 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally posted by Chizip
do these steps also work on david??
















Well, do they?





(And by David, I mean Boreanaz...)
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Old 01-31-2005, 03:32 PM   #11
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Forget Bono the Sexy Wildebeest, ladies, we now have Basstrap the Sexy Wildebeest!
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Old 01-31-2005, 03:47 PM   #12
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Old 01-31-2005, 03:52 PM   #13
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Forget Bono the Sexy Wildebeest, ladies, we now have Basstrap the Sexy Wildebeest!
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Old 01-31-2005, 03:53 PM   #14
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the real question is who wouldn't this work on?
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Old 01-31-2005, 03:53 PM   #15
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????? Eh?
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