How to be a Jerk in the Grocery Store - U2 Feedback

Go Back   U2 Feedback > Lypton Village > Lemonade Stand > Lemonade Stand Archive
Click Here to Login
 
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
 
Old 08-01-2007, 10:57 AM   #1
Rock n' Roll Doggie
 
lynnok's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Der Sunshine State
Posts: 3,896
Local Time: 10:08 PM
How to be a Jerk in the Grocery Store

1.) Go dazedly amidst the noise and haste- and remember to make sure that you leave your grocery cart right at the narrowest spot in the aisle so that it blocks the way for everyone else. Also, if there is a cart parked on one side of the aisle, park yours on the other side, thwarting anyone who wants to pass, or turn it so it's perpendicular to the aisle, completely blocking the way.

2.) Other people? Who are they? That's not your concern. If you want to stop and have a long, animated conversation with a friend, it's not your problem if people can't get past you. Oh, and by all means, blab on your cell phone while navigating your cart. Not only are you not paying attention to where you're going, you're also forcing the rest of us to hear your inane conversations. Why bother to wait until you get home to make that phone call? And if someone is attempting to reach an object, that's the time to stand right in front of it while you blab away. Hey, this is IMPORTANT!

3.) If you have kids, remember that the entire world revolves around you and them. And don't worry- everyone will find his or her antics to be adorable! For example, make sure that you let your small child push a heavy, overloaded grocery cart around, especially at the busiest times of day! Don't worry if the little angel rams into other shoppers or knocks objects off the shelves- it's cute! And while everyone else's children need discipline yours don't- so treat the store as if it were your home and let them run around, screaming and unsupervised. And those huge kiddy wagons aren't an inconvenience at all, even if they are the size of a minivan! Park them anywhere you want. And remember, the best time of day to bring your entire brood of children is when the busiest time of day! Everything has to be for the children, including the grocery store.

4.) When you are waiting on line, wait until the last minute to get your cash or debit card out. That's also a good time to decide to get into an argument with the cashier about the price of something, forcing her to get out the circular while everyone else waits for you. Insist she go over every single item on the receipt. Let's face it-twelve cents is twelve cents! And of course, being rude, abusive and insulting to the teenage cashier will most certainly obtain the best results.

5.) No matter how many times in your life you have been shopping, you have to instantly forget how to do it as soon as you enter the grocery store. For instance, don't bother to wait until the person in front of you is finished with THEIR load before you start dumping yours onto the conveyor belt. And remember, butting your cart into someone else's backside will make the line go faster. Really!

6.) Why bother helping the cashier bag groceries? It's so complicated and time consuming! Let her do it, even if it will save YOU some time and makes the line go faster. Even if it's just six items- it's still HER job!

7.) No reason you have to move any faster than a Galapagos tortoise, especially when someone is trying to get at an item on the shelf and you're standing in front of it. And no need to look behind you! Just stop suddenly and back up! You have all the time in the world- so what if the woman behind you just saw her bus leave the stop?

8.) If someone politely says, "excuse me" hoping, perhaps, that you might let them pass, or do something to prevent your children from pulling objects off the shelves, look at them as if they puked or suggested you pick your nose and eat it. They are the ones being inconsiderate, not you.
__________________

__________________
lynnok is offline  
Old 08-01-2007, 11:18 AM   #2
Rock n' Roll Doggie
VIP PASS
 
BonoIsMyMuse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Harrisburg, PA
Posts: 5,241
Local Time: 10:08 PM
This is really funny, probably because it's so true. I can't believe how many people seem to leave their manners and common sense in the car when they go grocery shopping
__________________

__________________
BonoIsMyMuse is offline  
Old 08-01-2007, 02:21 PM   #3
Breakdancing Soul Pilgrim
 
UberBeaver's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: the most serious...douch hammer ever
Posts: 20,318
Local Time: 10:08 PM
I like to pick up each peice of fruit, take a bite, make a face like "ewwww" and then put it back.
__________________
UberBeaver is offline  
Old 08-01-2007, 02:31 PM   #4
Paper Gods
Forum Administrator
 
KhanadaRhodes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: a vampire in the limousine
Posts: 60,598
Local Time: 09:08 PM


oh, and another one:

when shopping, leave your cart in the middle of the aisle and wander up and down the aisle to collect the things you need. this way you block people with your cart and your fat ass
__________________
KhanadaRhodes is offline  
Old 08-01-2007, 02:49 PM   #5
Galeonbroad
 
Galeongirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Schoo Fishtank
Posts: 70,773
Local Time: 04:08 AM
this is so damn true... esp. that one about the kids and people on cellphones....

I work in a supermarket... I prefer to work after/before closing time yes
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by GraceRyan View Post
And if U2 EVER did Hawkmoon live....and the version from the Lovetown Tour, my uterus would leave my body and fling itself at Bono - for realz.
Don't worry baby, it's gonna be all right. Uncertainty can be a guiding light...
Galeongirl is offline  
Old 08-01-2007, 03:26 PM   #6
Refugee
 
forbonou2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Richmond, Kentucky
Posts: 1,846
Local Time: 03:08 AM
lynn....I thought clods only did this in jacksonville! I am shocked!! lol! That Is rude!
__________________
forbonou2 is offline  
Old 08-01-2007, 03:29 PM   #7
Refugee
 
forbonou2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Richmond, Kentucky
Posts: 1,846
Local Time: 03:08 AM
@uber!!!!!!
__________________
forbonou2 is offline  
Old 08-01-2007, 04:00 PM   #8
Sizzlin' Sicilian
Forum Administrator
 
Sicy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 69,297
Local Time: 07:08 PM


I worked in a grocery store for 8 years.

I hate you all.
__________________
Sicy is offline  
Old 08-01-2007, 04:11 PM   #9
Blue Crack Supplier
 
waynetravis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Hull, UK
Posts: 36,231
Local Time: 04:08 AM
Quote:
Originally posted by UberBeaver
I like to pick up each peice of fruit, take a bite, make a face like "ewwww" and then put it back.

lmao !!
__________________
waynetravis is offline  
Old 08-01-2007, 04:18 PM   #10
Breakdancing Soul Pilgrim
 
UberBeaver's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: the most serious...douch hammer ever
Posts: 20,318
Local Time: 10:08 PM
Quote:
Originally posted by Sicy


I worked in a grocery store for 8 years.

I hate you all.
I also enjoy loading all my stuff at the register, and then when the cashier starts ringing everything up, I grab one item and say, "Oh, I got the wrong one," and then I walk back in the aisles....and never come back.
__________________
UberBeaver is offline  
Old 08-01-2007, 05:18 PM   #11
Sizzlin' Sicilian
Forum Administrator
 
Sicy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 69,297
Local Time: 07:08 PM
Oh yeah... well I enjoyed scanning all the customers' items twice
__________________
Sicy is offline  
Old 08-01-2007, 06:23 PM   #12
Rock n' Roll Doggie
Band-aid
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Where the beer flows like wine...
Posts: 4,528
Local Time: 07:08 PM
Lets not forget our favorite customer..the one who continues to tell the cashier the story of their lives AFTER their groceries are bagged and the transaction is complete.

The elderly are esp. guilty. (no haters on this please, its a fact).

But i've had my share of cashiers who wont s.t.f.u too.
__________________
Night & Day is offline  
Old 08-01-2007, 06:34 PM   #13
ONE
love, blood, life
 
BonosLil'Pal94's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: In the Darkest Timeline
Posts: 14,504
Local Time: 08:08 PM
Quote:
Originally posted by UberBeaver


I also enjoy loading all my stuff at the register, and then when the cashier starts ringing everything up, I grab one item and say, "Oh, I got the wrong one," and then I walk back in the aisles....and never come back.
__________________
BonosLil'Pal94 is offline  
Old 08-01-2007, 06:48 PM   #14
Rock n' Roll Doggie
FOB
 
VertigoGal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: I'm never alone (I'm alone all the time)
Posts: 9,860
Local Time: 10:08 PM
it's also especially considerate to wait for the bagger to finish bagging your $300 worth of purchases before realizing your mistake and requesting that they actually bag those groceries "double paper inside plastic."

__________________
VertigoGal is offline  
Old 08-01-2007, 07:01 PM   #15
Rock n' Roll Doggie
ALL ACCESS
 
sulawesigirl4's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Virginia
Posts: 7,416
Local Time: 10:08 PM
Oh but it is so true. sad sad.

I do love this new grocery chain here called Martin's. They have on-site childcare (less screaming kids in the aisles, yay!), wide aisles, self-checkout stations and little scanner hand-gun thingies that you can use to scan your groceries while you shop, so check out takes like one minute. Still, I'm amazed at how totally out-of-it people can be when shopping...as if they're the only ones in the store.
__________________

__________________
"I can't change the world, but I can change the world in me." - Bono

sulawesigirl4 is offline  
 

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:08 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Design, images and all things inclusive copyright © Interference.com