Holiday cheer!! - Page 2 - U2 Feedback

Go Back   U2 Feedback > Lypton Village > Lemonade Stand > Lemonade Stand Archive
Click Here to Login
 
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
 
Old 12-14-2007, 01:25 AM   #16
Blue Crack Supplier
 
BonoFox1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Earth to Blue Crack to Planet Fierce and back again
Posts: 47,435
Local Time: 02:56 PM
Reindeer Jokes

What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
”Horn”-aments!

How can Santa's sleigh possibly fly through the air?
You would too if you were pulled by flying reindeer!

What would a reindeer do if it lost its tail?
She’d go to a “re-tail”shop for a new one!

Why is Prancer always wet?
Because he’s a “rain”-deer!

Why does Scrooge love all of the reindeer?
Because every buck is dear to him!

Which of Santa's reindeer has bad manners?
”Rude”-olph!

What do you call a reindeer wearing ear muffs?
Anything you want because he can’t hear you!

What do reindeer always say before telling you a joke?
This one will “sleigh” you!

How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming?
He looks at his calen-“deer”!

What do you give a reindeer with an upset tummy?
”Elk”-a-seltzer!

How do you get into Donner's house?
You ring the “deer”-bell!

What's red and white and gives presents to gazelles?
Santelope!

How many reindeer does it take to change a light bulb?
Eight! One to screw in the light bulb and seven to hold Rudolph down!

Did Rudolph go to a regular school?
No, he was “elf”-taught!

Why did Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer cross the road?
Because he was tied to a chicken!

Why do reindeer wear fur coats?
Because they look silly in snowsuits!
__________________

__________________
BonoFox1 is offline  
Old 12-14-2007, 01:29 AM   #17
Blue Crack Supplier
 
BonoFox1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Earth to Blue Crack to Planet Fierce and back again
Posts: 47,435
Local Time: 02:56 PM
__________________

__________________
BonoFox1 is offline  
Old 12-14-2007, 01:30 AM   #18
Blue Crack Supplier
 
BonoFox1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Earth to Blue Crack to Planet Fierce and back again
Posts: 47,435
Local Time: 02:56 PM
Elf Jokes

How many elves does it take to change a light bulb? Ten!
One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other’s shoulders!

Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?
Because he had a low “elf”esteem!

How long should an elf's legs be?
Just long enough to reach the ground!

What did the elf say was the first step in using a Christmas computer?
"First, YULE LOGon"!

Why did the elf put his bed into the fireplace?
He wanted to sleep like a log!

What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!

Who sings "Blue Christmas" and makes toy guitars?
Elfis!

One elf said to another elf, "We had Grandma for Christmas dinner".
And the other elf said, "Really? We had turkey!"

How do elves greet each other?
"Small world, isn't it?"

Santa rides in a sleigh. What do elves ride in?
Mini vans!
__________________
BonoFox1 is offline  
Old 12-14-2007, 01:31 AM   #19
Blue Crack Supplier
 
BonoFox1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Earth to Blue Crack to Planet Fierce and back again
Posts: 47,435
Local Time: 02:56 PM
__________________
BonoFox1 is offline  
Old 12-14-2007, 01:34 AM   #20
Blue Crack Supplier
 
BonoFox1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Earth to Blue Crack to Planet Fierce and back again
Posts: 47,435
Local Time: 02:56 PM
X-mas eve jokes


What did Adam say on the day before Christmas ?
It's Christmas, Eve !

How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day ?
Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve !

What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month ?
The letter "D" !

What does Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney ?
Santa Claustrophobia !

What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve ?
Black mail !

Who delievers cat's Christmas presents ?
Santa Paws !

Why does Father Christmas go down the chimney ?
Because it soots him !

Who delievers elephants's Christmas presents?
Elephanta Claus !

How many chimney does Father Christmas go down ?
Stacks !

Why is Santa like a bear on Christmas Eve ?
Because he's Sooty
__________________
BonoFox1 is offline  
Old 12-14-2007, 01:45 AM   #21
Blue Crack Supplier
 
BonoFox1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Earth to Blue Crack to Planet Fierce and back again
Posts: 47,435
Local Time: 02:56 PM
All I Need To Know About Life I Learned From A Snowman


It's okay if you're a little bottom heavy.

Hold your ground, even when the heat is on.

Wearing white is always appropriate.

Winter is the best of the four seasons.

It takes a few extra rolls to make a good midsection.

There's nothing better than a foul weather friend.

The key to life is to be a jolly, happy soul.

It's not the size of the carrot, but the placement that counts.

We're all made up of mostly water.

You know you've made it when they write a song about you.

Accessorize! Accessorize! Accessorize!

Avoid yellow snow. Don't get too much sun.

It's embarrassing when you can't look down and see your feet.

It's fun to hang out in your front yard.

Always put your best foot forward.

There's no stopping you once you're on a roll


__________________
BonoFox1 is offline  
Old 12-14-2007, 01:55 AM   #22
Blue Crack Supplier
 
BonoFox1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Earth to Blue Crack to Planet Fierce and back again
Posts: 47,435
Local Time: 02:56 PM
Christmas Knock Knock Jokes!
Knock-Knock
Who's There
Mary
Mary who?
Mary-Christmas!

Knock-Knock
Who's There
Rudolph
Rudolph who?
Money is the Rudolph of all evil.

Knock-Knock
Who's There
Avery
Avery who
Avery Merry-Christmas to you.

Knock-Knock
Who's There
Wenceslas
Wenceslas who?
Wenceslas train to Clarksville?

Knock-Knock
Who's There
Wayne
Wayne who?
Wayne in a Manger...
Knock-Knock
Who's There
Igloo
Igloo who?
Igloo Santa, like I knew Santa...

Knock-Knock
Who's There
Holly
Holly who?
Holly-Days...Happy Holly Days

Knock-Knock
Who's There
Oakum
Oakum who?
Oakum All Ye Faithful...

Knock-Knock
Who's There
Donut
Donut who?
Donut open until Christmas

Knock-Knock
Who's There?
Who-Who
Who-Who Who?
It's Santa Owl!

__________________
BonoFox1 is offline  
Old 12-14-2007, 06:34 AM   #23
Refugee
 
mandy1973's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Far away...this ship is taking me far away
Posts: 2,460
Local Time: 09:26 AM



__________________
mandy1973 is offline  
Old 12-14-2007, 10:54 AM   #24
Blue Crack Supplier
 
BonoFox1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Earth to Blue Crack to Planet Fierce and back again
Posts: 47,435
Local Time: 02:56 PM
__________________
BonoFox1 is offline  
Old 12-14-2007, 10:54 AM   #25
Blue Crack Supplier
 
BonoFox1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Earth to Blue Crack to Planet Fierce and back again
Posts: 47,435
Local Time: 02:56 PM
__________________
BonoFox1 is offline  
Old 12-14-2007, 10:55 AM   #26
Blue Crack Supplier
 
BonoFox1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Earth to Blue Crack to Planet Fierce and back again
Posts: 47,435
Local Time: 02:56 PM
__________________
BonoFox1 is offline  
Old 12-14-2007, 10:55 AM   #27
Blue Crack Supplier
 
BonoFox1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Earth to Blue Crack to Planet Fierce and back again
Posts: 47,435
Local Time: 02:56 PM
__________________
BonoFox1 is offline  
Old 12-14-2007, 10:56 AM   #28
Blue Crack Supplier
 
BonoFox1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Earth to Blue Crack to Planet Fierce and back again
Posts: 47,435
Local Time: 02:56 PM
__________________
BonoFox1 is offline  
Old 12-14-2007, 10:58 AM   #29
Blue Crack Supplier
 
BonoFox1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Earth to Blue Crack to Planet Fierce and back again
Posts: 47,435
Local Time: 02:56 PM
SANTA STATS:


There are currently 78 people named S. Claus
living in the U.S. -- and one Kriss Kringle.
(You gotta wonder about that one kid's parents)

December is the most popular month for nose jobs.

Weight of Santa's sleigh loaded with one Beanie Baby
for every kid on earth: 333,333 tons.

Number of reindeer required to pull a 333,333-ton s
sleigh: 214,206 -- plus Rudolph.

Average wage of a mall Santa: $11 an hour.
With real beard: $20.

To deliver his gifts in one night, Santa would have to
make 822.6 visits per second, sleighing at 3,000 times
the speed of sound.
__________________
BonoFox1 is offline  
Old 12-14-2007, 12:17 PM   #30
Blue Crack Supplier
 
BonoFox1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Earth to Blue Crack to Planet Fierce and back again
Posts: 47,435
Local Time: 02:56 PM
You're a Mean One Mr. Grinch


You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch.
You really are a heel.
You're as cuddly as a cactus,
You're as charming as an eel.
Mr. Grinch.

You're a bad banana
With a greasy black peel.

You're a monster, Mr. Grinch.
Your heart's an empty hole.
Your brain is full of spiders,
You've got garlic in your soul.
Mr. Grinch.

I wouldn't touch you, with a
thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole.

You're a vile one, Mr. Grinch.
You have termites in your smile.
You have all the tender sweetness
Of a seasick crocodile.
Mr. Grinch.

Given the choice between the two of you
I'd take the seasick crockodile.

You're a foul one, Mr. Grinch.
You're a nasty, wasty skunk.
Your heart is full of unwashed socks
Your soul is full of gunk.
Mr. Grinch.

The three words that best describe you,
are, and I quote: "Stink. Stank. Stunk."

You're a rotter, Mr. Grinch.
You're the king of sinful sots.
Your heart's a dead tomato splot
With moldy purple spots,
Mr. Grinch.

Your soul is an apalling dump heap overflowing
with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable
rubbish imaginable,
Mangled up in tangled up knots.

You nauseate me, Mr. Grinch.
With a nauseaus super-naus.
You're a crooked jerky jockey
And you drive a crooked horse.
Mr. Grinch.

You're a three decker saurkraut and toadstool
sandwich
With arsenic sauce


__________________

__________________
BonoFox1 is offline  
 

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:56 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Design, images and all things inclusive copyright © Interference.com