Hey, marrieds and long-term relationships....how do YOU keep it interesting?

[Mrs. Edge]

I would be curious to learn more about the people on here who have been in long-term relationships. Do you still have that "in love" feeling, or is it just calm contentment? Do you ever wish you were single again?

How do you combat relationship boredom? I bet people on here have some interesting and unusual ideas.

For me, candlelight dinners and "cliche romance" things don't work at all, because I am keenly aware that this is supposed to be romantic, so it wrecks it.

They also say you should make a date with your spouse....but when you don't have children, that's not anything very special because you can make a date with your spouse any time you want.

We have had threads about what is love, and have you ever been in love...this thread is about if and how you've stayed in love.

 

[Sicy]

With my ex it was like a calm contentment.. nothing special.. no sparks.. too much fighting. I wished I was single many times.

With daafish on the other hand ... I want to everytime I see him.
Even though its only been 9 months I have a feeling it will be this way always.

 

[Bonochick]

Hard to keep things interesting when we've got 650 miles between us...actually, I feel bad because I've been in a down mood lately, so our phone calls have been quite boring and short, though we still talk everyday. John is so understanding though...he never makes me feel bad about it. I'd go crazy if I didn't talk to him everyday, even though sometimes the only thing I have to say is, "I love you."

One time, I had flowers sent to him at work for no reason...no special occasion at all. He was really surprised...as were all of his female co-workers who were all certain that the flowers were meant for one of them!

 

[cass]

U don't really want Me to answer this..I would take ALL day, ty for smilies

 

[KhanadaRhodes]

i don't know how i do it, really. i guess the key for my husband and i is spontaneity.

 

[BAW]

I think my hubby and I run somewhere in the middle of calm contentment and burning love

We don't do anything special to keep the boredom away, we just kind of ride it out. I think it hits me more than my husband and when he notices that I'm getting restless or down, he'll plan a surprise getaway or take me on a long drive so we can just talk and spend uninterupted time together.

A few times, I've wished I was single but that has a lot to do with the fact that I've really never been alone. The longest I've ever not been in a relationship is probably 2 or 3 months when I was 15 or 16. He understands this and is surprisingly patient with me.

But, I still have that "in love" feeling for him and can't imagine my life without him. He knows me better than anyone ever has or ever will and I can talk to him about anything. We talk to each other constantly when he's out working and even after 14 years, I still run to the door to kiss him when he comes home at night.

Its not always perfect and he can drive me nuts but I love him so, so very much

 

[The_Sweetest_Thing]

A few times, I've wished I was single but that has a lot to do with the fact that I've really never been alone. The longest I've ever not been in a relationship is probably 2 or 3 months when I was 15 or 16.

That is the total opposite of me. The longest I've ever been IN a relationship is 2-3 (well, more like 4) months.

 

[Sicy]

BAW

 

[BAW]

 

[The_Sweetest_Thing]

are you guys

BAW

@ me?

BTW--what does BAW mean? Is that laughing?

 

[Sicy]

BAW = Bono's American Wife

 

[zonelistener]

Mrs. Edge is going to kill me for this one

I use Crest!


:edit: I thought I was responding to what toothpaste do you use

 

[Sicy]

 

[U2girl]

Awww

[B We talk to each other constantly when he's out working and even after 14 years, I still run to the door to kiss him when he comes home at night.

[/B]

I agree with others:



especially that part.

 

[HelloAngel]

My bf and I have been together 4 years, and living together for 4 years. We work at home together. We are literally around each other every second of every day, save for bathroom breaks and showers.

We have always been about calm contentment. He and I have no current plans for marriage and children, although we do own a house and a business together.

How do we keep it fresh when we are always around each other? Communication and Laughter. Because at the end of the day, that is often what you have. And Honesty. If we weren't honest with each other about everything, we'd be nowhere.

We also genuinely like each other as people. We are terrifically co-dependent on each other. And while some see that as bad, we are stuck together like glue. Bonded. Cemented. Best Friends. Life Companions. He and I.

It's great. And knowing all of that, makes us

 

[MonaVox]

Well we've only been together for almost 5 months....but my Michael is in charge of that, due to his own choosing. I really have no say in it, and don't feel it necessary yet bc he is crazy about me... No I swear he is. Like no matter what. It's mind-boggling.

But every now and then he feels the need to do something. What works for us is basically reminding ourselves that we are really close friends as well as boyfriend/girlfriend. We just have fun....one time over Winter Break we made dinner together, for example. WHICH WAS SO FUN. I swear I have no domestic skills at all but it was a blast with him.

If all else fails, he plays his geetar and sings me songs

 

[cass]

this doesn't happen that often, so me being me..i had to tell you.
He walked by and saw what I was wearing last night and said
!WOW!.
I don't think you should have to try too hard to keep it interesting. If you truly love and respect one another, it IS interesting.We don't go out to dinner or on holidays, but we enjoy working together and know we are each other's friend and ally when the chips are down.
I know I completely" shit him to tears" at times, as he does me. I give him total support and he laughs at my jokes. That helps.


aww he just came and told me something killed the brown chook last night awwwwww damn
damn
damn

 

[nbcrusader]

I?ve spent some time thinking about this question. In my own marriage, there are definitely times of both calm contentment and burning love (especially when the kids are asleep ).

Much of any day, whether single or married, is filled with mundane, routine events. This is what I think of as calm contentment ? routine things, but better because they are done with someone you love. Calm contentment is good as long as there is mutual contentment ? when we are both on the same page.

What keeps the relationship ?interesting? is a good, open communication. Also, recognizing that a relationship takes work and setting aside time to be just a couple, whether it is an evening out or a weekend away.

I would caution against the idea that you always need something new or different to keep the relationship ?interesting?. This may lead to a never ending cycle of unfulfilled expectations and searching for things outside the relationship rather than focusing on improving communication in the relationship.

Staying in love is a result of a strong commitment, not any individual acts or events.

Just my .02

 

[BAW]

I would caution against the idea that you always need something new or different to keep the relationship ?interesting?. This may lead to a never ending cycle of unfulfilled expectations and searching for things outside the relationship rather than focusing on improving communication in the relationship.

Such a good point nbc.

 

[bonosloveslave]

Yep ditto on what nbc said

I would add too, not to forget that little things can mean alot, like trying to find a way each day to say "I love you" or "I care about you" in a unique way, ie, something uplifting on a post-it note that you hide somewhere that they'll find, a love note in their lunch, a special message written in lipstick on the mirror, etc. It can sometimes be hard for people to get motivated to do this, especially if they think 'well he/she will never do anything like that for me' - but probably 99% of the time the other person will be so touched that they'll really want to reciprocate.

I recommended this to nbc in his Valentine's Day thread, but a book that might give you some ideas is "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman - an excerpt from the book is here.
I think it's a great book to read together, but even if it's just you, it's pretty rare for the other person not to respond in kind (or at least wonder what the heck is going on) once you start doing things that really speak to them in a way they understand.

Love seems so easy in the beginning, but you really do have to work to cultivate it to keep it alive and growing as time goes on. Cheesy, maybe even cliche', but true

 

[ouizy]

jello

 

[Beefeater]

Bonochick.. RE: the fact that you call every day, even if the call is short et al...

Do you ever think that sometimes you call every day just because that's what you do?.. As if, you would feel out of sorts if you didn't make that call to your loved one?

Beefeater

80 proof

 

[Bonochick]

Bonochick.. RE: the fact that you call every day, even if the call is short et al...

Do you ever think that sometimes you call every day just because that's what you do?.. As if, you would feel out of sorts if you didn't make that call to your loved one?

Definitely. If I don't talk to him, it just doesn't feel right.

For example, I went back home once to stay with my sister for a week, and everytime he tried to call me at my sister's, I was out. So for about 3 days straight, all I had were messages on the machine from him. Everytime I would try to call him, I just got the machine. It was frustrating because I felt like I was missing something by not having talked to him.

Can't wait until I can see him everyday...

 

[Beefeater]

Interesting.. I've gotten the same feelings in past relationships.. but for me, it wasn't a feeling.. 'We haven't talked for two days.. I just feel out of sync...', For me it ended up leaving me to realize that I call just out of duty, with limited amounts of actual enthusiasm/desire to call... Hence.. past relationships.

Thanks for responding,

Beefeater

 

[Ali Rose]

*takes notes*

Looks like you guys got it all figured out

 

[nbcrusader]

I would add too, not to forget that little things can mean alot, like trying to find a way each day to say "I love you" or "I care about you" in a unique way, ie, something uplifting on a post-it note that you hide somewhere that they'll find, a love note in their lunch, a special message written in lipstick on the mirror, etc. It can sometimes be hard for people to get motivated to do this, especially if they think 'well he/she will never do anything like that for me' - but probably 99% of the time the other person will be so touched that they'll really want to reciprocate.

I don't think you can overstate the importance of the "little things" in a relationship - improving the quality and depth of the relationship. The world's message is "sped money to show your love" (there were many "give a new car for Chistmas" ads this year). From years of experience, spending lots of money on a gift doesn't improve the relationship and leaves you that much poorer.

I found the most appreciated Valentine's gift, for example, was when I purchased a box of kids Valentines cards (the kind intended for distribution in a classroom). I wrote a little message on each card and hid them throughout the house. My wife still remembers the joy she had running around looking for the cards.

And like Beth mentions, I loved getting messages written on the bottom of my lunch bag each day.

 

[Angela Harlem]

I guess you keep it working by living it how you most desire. Everyone here is different and all have their own brand of making it work, and there are always the key elements like love friendship understanding patience compassion flexibility communication similarities and contrasts...the list goes on.
You have to live it like you want. When you both have that, you got a match.

 

[Mrs. Edge]

this doesn't happen that often, so me being me..i had to tell you.
He walked by and saw what I was wearing last night and said
!WOW!........aww he just came and told me something killed the brown chook last night awwwwww damn
damn
damn

Um, what is a "brown chook"????

Anyway, something you said here (ie, him saying WOW) really gave me a revelation.

I want to preface this by saying that my husband is the sweetest kindest man, and there is no doubt that he loves me. BUT, I think in all the 12 years we have been together, I could count on 2 hands the number of times he has said I am beautiful, or sexy, or look great in my outfit...I don't think he's ever said WOW even on our wedding day.

This is just the way he is, but it would also explain why I get so excited when a man who doesn't know me comes up and compliments how I look, or says I'm a hottie or whatever. It doesn't happen every day, but does it ever feel great when it does!

Of course I could ask my husband to say these things, but it would be so unlike him it would be weird. Food for thought anyway.

 

[bonosloveslave]

Jess - sounds like your love language is 'words of affirmation' - i'm tellin ya, you need to find that book.......

 

[diamond]

Crisco Parties.