Hey, marrieds and long-term relationships....how do YOU keep it interesting? - Page 2 - U2 Feedback

Go Back   U2 Feedback > Lypton Village > Lemonade Stand > Lemonade Stand Archive
Click Here to Login
 
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
 
Old 01-27-2003, 06:27 PM   #16
Rock n' Roll Doggie
 
MonaVox's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Posts: 3,460
Local Time: 05:26 AM
Well we've only been together for almost 5 months....but my Michael is in charge of that, due to his own choosing. I really have no say in it, and don't feel it necessary yet bc he is crazy about me... No I swear he is. Like no matter what. It's mind-boggling.

But every now and then he feels the need to do something. What works for us is basically reminding ourselves that we are really close friends as well as boyfriend/girlfriend. We just have fun....one time over Winter Break we made dinner together, for example. WHICH WAS SO FUN. I swear I have no domestic skills at all but it was a blast with him.

If all else fails, he plays his geetar and sings me songs
__________________

__________________
MonaVox is offline  
Old 01-28-2003, 03:23 PM   #17
Rock n' Roll Doggie
VIP PASS
 
cass's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Australia.
Posts: 6,117
Local Time: 08:26 PM
this doesn't happen that often, so me being me..i had to tell you.
He walked by and saw what I was wearing last night and said
!WOW!.
I don't think you should have to try too hard to keep it interesting. If you truly love and respect one another, it IS interesting.We don't go out to dinner or on holidays, but we enjoy working together and know we are each other's friend and ally when the chips are down.
I know I completely" shit him to tears" at times, as he does me. I give him total support and he laughs at my jokes. That helps.


aww he just came and told me something killed the brown chook last night awwwwww damn
damn
damn
__________________

__________________
cass is offline  
Old 01-28-2003, 05:43 PM   #18
Blue Crack Addict
 
nbcrusader's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Southern California
Posts: 22,071
Local Time: 02:26 AM
I’ve spent some time thinking about this question. In my own marriage, there are definitely times of both calm contentment and burning love (especially when the kids are asleep ).

Much of any day, whether single or married, is filled with mundane, routine events. This is what I think of as calm contentment – routine things, but better because they are done with someone you love. Calm contentment is good as long as there is mutual contentment – when we are both on the same page.

What keeps the relationship “interesting” is a good, open communication. Also, recognizing that a relationship takes work and setting aside time to be just a couple, whether it is an evening out or a weekend away.

I would caution against the idea that you always need something new or different to keep the relationship “interesting”. This may lead to a never ending cycle of unfulfilled expectations and searching for things outside the relationship rather than focusing on improving communication in the relationship.

Staying in love is a result of a strong commitment, not any individual acts or events.

Just my .02

__________________
nbcrusader is offline  
Old 01-28-2003, 05:58 PM   #19
BAW
The Flower
 
BAW's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: The OC....!!!!
Posts: 11,094
Local Time: 02:26 AM
Quote:
Originally posted by nbcrusader

I would caution against the idea that you always need something new or different to keep the relationship “interesting”. This may lead to a never ending cycle of unfulfilled expectations and searching for things outside the relationship rather than focusing on improving communication in the relationship.


Such a good point nbc.
__________________
BAW is offline  
Old 01-28-2003, 06:39 PM   #20
Offishul Kitteh Doctor
Forum Moderator
 
bonosloveslave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Taking care of kitties
Posts: 9,655
Local Time: 05:26 AM
Yep ditto on what nbc said

I would add too, not to forget that little things can mean alot, like trying to find a way each day to say "I love you" or "I care about you" in a unique way, ie, something uplifting on a post-it note that you hide somewhere that they'll find, a love note in their lunch, a special message written in lipstick on the mirror, etc. It can sometimes be hard for people to get motivated to do this, especially if they think 'well he/she will never do anything like that for me' - but probably 99% of the time the other person will be so touched that they'll really want to reciprocate.

I recommended this to nbc in his Valentine's Day thread, but a book that might give you some ideas is "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman - an excerpt from the book is here.
I think it's a great book to read together, but even if it's just you, it's pretty rare for the other person not to respond in kind (or at least wonder what the heck is going on) once you start doing things that really speak to them in a way they understand.

Love seems so easy in the beginning, but you really do have to work to cultivate it to keep it alive and growing as time goes on. Cheesy, maybe even cliche', but true
__________________
bonosloveslave [at] interference.com
bonosloveslave is offline  
Old 01-28-2003, 06:48 PM   #21
Rock n' Roll Doggie
 
ouizy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: s p o r a t i c
Posts: 3,788
Local Time: 05:26 AM
jello
__________________
ouizy is offline  
Old 01-28-2003, 10:33 PM   #22
On Thin Ice
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 47
Local Time: 10:26 AM

Bonochick.. RE: the fact that you call every day, even if the call is short et al...

Do you ever think that sometimes you call every day just because that's what you do?.. As if, you would feel out of sorts if you didn't make that call to your loved one?

Beefeater

80 proof
__________________
80 Proof
Beefeater is offline  
Old 01-28-2003, 10:35 PM   #23
Halloweenhead
Forum Moderator
 
Bonochick's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Cherry Lane
Posts: 40,816
Local Time: 06:26 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Beefeater
Bonochick.. RE: the fact that you call every day, even if the call is short et al...

Do you ever think that sometimes you call every day just because that's what you do?.. As if, you would feel out of sorts if you didn't make that call to your loved one?
Definitely. If I don't talk to him, it just doesn't feel right.

For example, I went back home once to stay with my sister for a week, and everytime he tried to call me at my sister's, I was out. So for about 3 days straight, all I had were messages on the machine from him. Everytime I would try to call him, I just got the machine. It was frustrating because I felt like I was missing something by not having talked to him.

Can't wait until I can see him everyday...
__________________
"Knight in shining Zubaz."

Bonochick [at] interference.com
Bonochick is offline  
Old 01-28-2003, 11:13 PM   #24
On Thin Ice
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 47
Local Time: 10:26 AM
Interesting.. I've gotten the same feelings in past relationships.. but for me, it wasn't a feeling.. 'We haven't talked for two days.. I just feel out of sync...', For me it ended up leaving me to realize that I call just out of duty, with limited amounts of actual enthusiasm/desire to call... Hence.. past relationships.

Thanks for responding,

Beefeater
__________________
80 Proof
Beefeater is offline  
Old 01-29-2003, 01:33 AM   #25
New Yorker
 
Ali Rose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Mpls, MN USA
Posts: 2,718
Local Time: 04:26 AM
*takes notes*

Looks like you guys got it all figured out
__________________
Ali Rose is offline  
Old 01-29-2003, 11:32 AM   #26
Blue Crack Addict
 
nbcrusader's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Southern California
Posts: 22,071
Local Time: 02:26 AM
wink

Quote:
Originally posted by bonosloveslave
I would add too, not to forget that little things can mean alot, like trying to find a way each day to say "I love you" or "I care about you" in a unique way, ie, something uplifting on a post-it note that you hide somewhere that they'll find, a love note in their lunch, a special message written in lipstick on the mirror, etc. It can sometimes be hard for people to get motivated to do this, especially if they think 'well he/she will never do anything like that for me' - but probably 99% of the time the other person will be so touched that they'll really want to reciprocate.
I don't think you can overstate the importance of the "little things" in a relationship - improving the quality and depth of the relationship. The world's message is "sped money to show your love" (there were many "give a new car for Chistmas" ads this year). From years of experience, spending lots of money on a gift doesn't improve the relationship and leaves you that much poorer.

I found the most appreciated Valentine's gift, for example, was when I purchased a box of kids Valentines cards (the kind intended for distribution in a classroom). I wrote a little message on each card and hid them throughout the house. My wife still remembers the joy she had running around looking for the cards.

And like Beth mentions, I loved getting messages written on the bottom of my lunch bag each day.
__________________
nbcrusader is offline  
Old 01-29-2003, 11:53 AM   #27
Jesus Online
 
Angela Harlem's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 1969
Location: a glass castle
Posts: 30,163
Local Time: 09:26 PM
I guess you keep it working by living it how you most desire. Everyone here is different and all have their own brand of making it work, and there are always the key elements like love friendship understanding patience compassion flexibility communication similarities and contrasts...the list goes on.
You have to live it like you want. When you both have that, you got a match.
__________________
<a href=http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v196/angelaharlem/thPaul_Roos28.jpg target=_blank>http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1...aul_Roos28.jpg</a>
Angela Harlem is offline  
Old 01-29-2003, 12:19 PM   #28
Bono's Belly Dancing Friend
 
Mrs. Edge's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Torontonian in Maryland
Posts: 2,913
Local Time: 06:26 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by cass
this doesn't happen that often, so me being me..i had to tell you.
He walked by and saw what I was wearing last night and said
!WOW!........aww he just came and told me something killed the brown chook last night awwwwww damn
damn
damn
Um, what is a "brown chook"????

Anyway, something you said here (ie, him saying WOW) really gave me a revelation.

I want to preface this by saying that my husband is the sweetest kindest man, and there is no doubt that he loves me. BUT, I think in all the 12 years we have been together, I could count on 2 hands the number of times he has said I am beautiful, or sexy, or look great in my outfit...I don't think he's ever said WOW even on our wedding day.

This is just the way he is, but it would also explain why I get so excited when a man who doesn't know me comes up and compliments how I look, or says I'm a hottie or whatever. It doesn't happen every day, but does it ever feel great when it does!

Of course I could ask my husband to say these things, but it would be so unlike him it would be weird. Food for thought anyway.
__________________
Mrs. Edge is offline  
Old 01-29-2003, 12:32 PM   #29
Offishul Kitteh Doctor
Forum Moderator
 
bonosloveslave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Taking care of kitties
Posts: 9,655
Local Time: 05:26 AM
Jess - sounds like your love language is 'words of affirmation' - i'm tellin ya, you need to find that book.......
__________________
bonosloveslave [at] interference.com
bonosloveslave is offline  
Old 01-29-2003, 02:09 PM   #30
ONE
love, blood, life
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Tempe, Az USA
Posts: 12,856
Local Time: 03:26 AM

Crisco Parties.
__________________

__________________
diamond is offline  
 

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:26 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Design, images and all things inclusive copyright © Interference.com