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Old 05-16-2008, 04:03 AM   #1
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Hey guys, what's your favourite Ted Connors moment?

I know many of you probably will have no idea what I am referring to, and I really don't care that much. At all, really.

But for those of you in the know, share your favourite memories from the wild exploits of our man of the people, our 'man in Panama (hat)', our hack reporter who dares to cash the cheques and shoot up in broad daylight... yes, our 'friend' Ted Connors.

I really dug that one time when he told the world about the hidden secrets of Uncle Chester's basement.

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Old 05-16-2008, 08:02 AM   #2
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*googles Ted Connors*

Ohh him!!

Okay carry on...

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Old 05-16-2008, 08:27 AM   #3
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My favorite Ted Connors Moment was when he hid your parents' birth control and clearly they suffered the consequences.

My other favorite moment was when he hid your meds and you still haven't been able to find them.
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Old 05-16-2008, 04:12 PM   #4
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Local men killed over domestic dispute

Ted Connors/Fox News

TORONTO - What started as a fun game of chess between two friends turned into the bloodiest mess Toronto law enforcement has ever seen.

At roughly 10 p.m. on Monday, April 7 p.m. Toronto authorities were notified of an apparent fight at the residence of John Andrews, on Crescent St. NW. Witnesses reportedly told police they heard the sound of glass breaking, hands clapping, chairs collapsing, and paper crunching.

Authorities were unable to answer questions at press time, but Shane O'Donnell gave a perspective of the situation from his home in Winnipeg, Manitoba. An avid internet hacker, O'Donnell claims to have watched the butchering of the two males on his computer monitor.

"I got camera's set up all around their house, I saw everything," O'Donnell said. "For about the last three years, I've watched the two of them play chess, and for some reason, they just flipped out on each other (tonight)."

An entrepreneur who said he has had nothing but tough luck in the job market for the past 14 years, O'Donnell believes the fight started over an illicit move made by one of the gentleman's pawns. "One moment they were busy kissing and hugging each other, the next they were stabbing each other with regular kitchen accessories - knives, forks, napkins, floor hair, anything they could get their hands on,"
O'Donnell said. "What was really odd about the fight was how in the middle of the incursion, one of the men abruptly stuck his entire fist up his own ass, and started peeing out of his mouth. It was fascinating to say the least. I'm glad I saved the incident onto my hard drive."

According to bystanders, the two men killed each other after smearing the walls with bat blood, ketchup packets recently picked up at one of the local McDonald's, and horse dung.

Exact time of their deaths is not yet known, but witnesses believe they died after the fight began - not before, as earlier indications had suggested.

An autopsy is underway, and authorities will know the exact cause of death in approximately 12 months.
*raises fist in righteous goutrage
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Old 05-16-2008, 04:14 PM   #5
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Fan fiction scares U2 member

Ted Connors/Fox News

Kansas City - In the midst of U2's travelling juggernaut otherwise known as the Elevation Tour, drummer Larry Mullen Jr. took some time to speak with reporters outside his hotel. Aside from the usual questions brought forward regarding their latest (and critically acclaimed) album, All That You Can't Leave Behind, an interesting query regarding stalking was brought up.

Clearly uncomfortable, Mullen said the many fan sites dedicated are not all flattering.

"I've been surfing the net, and I've seen a fair share of sites on our band, and I think its great that so many of our fans share their love in this way," Mullen said. "But when I read about their fantasies, and their "fan fiction", I'm not going to lie, it makes me feel quite uneasy."

Stories with graphic detail, often sexually explicitly depicting the band members in compromising situations have led Larry away from the computer, and into the studio where he focuses on drumming, and has even taken up producing.

"Obviously anyone with a wife or girlfriend is going to feel sick after reading about someone wanting to "kill" their significant other, I'm no different," Mullen said. "I try not to let it get to me, and as a result I've been working on my drumming more, and have even begun working as a producer for some of the indie bands in Dublin."

Larry said he is currently working with Hair Hisma, The Franco-bones, and Synatex.
Poor Larry....

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Old 05-16-2008, 05:26 PM   #6
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man, those were the days.

that story regarding the murder/suicide was absurd, to say the least. probably my favourite story i ever wrote.

good times, gang.
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Old 05-16-2008, 08:41 PM   #7
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Big Grin

Originally posted by Zoomerang96
man, those were the days.

I enjoyed reading them! Newer interferencers truly have no idea what they have missed.
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Old 05-17-2008, 06:47 PM   #8
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I'm not sure about this Ted Connors guy.

For example, I have it on good authority(*) that Larry's comments about fansites were much, much more harshly worded than that.

(* not strictly true.)

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