Headache in a Suitcase Presents The "Let's Make Fun of Kobe Bryant Quote of the Week" - Page 2 - U2 Feedback

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Old 11-23-2004, 11:20 AM   #16
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I hate Jay Leno... but I'm gonna have to pick this one as your LMFOKBQOTW...

Did you see Ron Artest go into the stands after that guy? At first, when I saw an NBA player attacking a fan, I thought, 'Uh oh, Kobe must be dating again.'

good selection stammer... iron mike gives it 4 thumbs up

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Old 12-02-2004, 07:53 AM   #17
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This week's LMFOKBQOTW comes to you from the rapper 'Nas, who raps the following lyrics in his newest track...

Quote:
"You can't do better than that?/ The hotel clerk who adjusts the bathroom mat? / You beat the rap, jiggaboo, fake n---a you, you turn around then you sh-- on Shaq."

"Iron Mike gives this quote a stupdenous 5 thumbs up for it's extra harshness. 'Nas sounds like he wants to eat Kobe's children."
-Iron Mike Tyson

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Old 12-02-2004, 08:28 AM   #18
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Old 12-02-2004, 08:46 AM   #19
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I've been debating on what to supply for this week. Much like you, Headache, I loath Jay Leno. And unfortunately, he talks more about Kobe than anyone.

So in that spirit, I'll go with Jimmy Kimmel. He's friends with the Sports Guy, he hasn't completely sold out yet, and he seems like a decent guy. It may not be as funny as others, but it comes from a better source:

Quote:
According to some newly released court documents, a month after the encounter in the hotel room, Kobe Bryant's accuser told a friend she wanted money from Kobe to buy new breasts, a recording studio and, this isn't made up, a koala bear. She wanted to buy a koala bear for a friend who likes koala bears. At one point, Kobe's lawyers had her down to a Wonderbra, a karaoke machine and a goat, but they couldn't get the deal done. If she does get that recording studio, I have a feeling I know where Shaq's next album is going to be done.
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Old 12-06-2004, 10:08 AM   #20
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Maybe kobe should do a Mike Tyson and "Fade into Bolivia"
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Old 12-08-2004, 10:55 AM   #21
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LOS ANGELES -- Karl Malone has apparently ruled out a return to the Los Angeles Lakers because of comments made by Kobe Bryant in a radio interview, Malone's agent said Tuesday.

"Karl is furious," agent Dwight Manley told The Associated Press. "He felt very disrespected and betrayed after personally being the first to stand up for Kobe over the last year throughout his rape charge and all he went through."

"Who's had Kobe Bryant's back?" Malone said to The (Riverside, Calif.) Press-Enterprise. "What did he do for me?"

Manley said remarks made by Bryant on Monday, coupled with what the agent called "recent personal attacks made in private," led Malone to his decision.

Asked if Malone might play elsewhere, Manley replied: "This certainly opens up that possibility."

Manley first told radio station KMPC of Malone's decision.

Malone said later Tuesday that he would rather not use "those strong words on saying I'm not coming back."

"I wish them the best," he told The Press-Enterprise. "Whether I play or not, I wish them the best. And I was seriously, seriously considering coming back."

"I didn't come to take anybody's glory, anybody's accolades, anybody's anything," Malone told KCBS-TV in a telephone interview. "But if it seems to me that that is what I'm doing, then I would rather move on and turn the page in my life.

"If that's your star player, you want him to want you on the team, right? I don't want to be anybody's distraction."

"Is there any way I can come back and play for the Lakers?" Malone told the newspaper. "You gave a person 100 percent control of an organization -- 100! -- and that person don't want you there. ... How can it be a way for me to play for the Lakers?"

ESPN.com reported in August that Malone had informed new Lakers coach Rudy Tomjanovich that, if he plays a 20th season, he would only sign with the Lakers. Malone and Manley later had lunch with Lakers owner Jerry Buss on the eve of training camp to let Buss know that Malone wouldn't sign with another team.

But San Antonio and Minnesota continue to check in regularly with Malone, according to league sources, promising to save a roster spot for him.

Bryant told XTRA on Monday he didn't believe Malone, who is recovering from knee surgery, would come back to the Lakers, calling it "just intuition."

"It's not really fair to hold it over the guys' heads that are here," Bryant said. "The guys that we have here are working hard, practicing hard every day. It's kind of tough for them to be looking over their shoulder, wondering if he's going to come back and then everybody is going to disappear.

"They are here giving me 110 percent. It's really not fair for us to sit around and speculate how long this is going to go on. I mean, you can't sit up here and speculate for the remainder of the season whether or not he is going to come back. I mean, that's not fair to the guys that are working here."

Lakers general manager Mitch Kupchak said in a statement he hoped Manley's comments did not accurately reflect Malone's feelings about returning to the Lakers.

"If so, it is unfortunate that he would make such a decision based on the reason given," the statement added. "Kobe Bryant's interview ... merely reflected his personal opinion that Karl would probably not return to play this season. Kobe did not at any time state that Karl was not returning, nor was Kobe speaking on behalf of the Lakers management or organization."

Malone, 41, told the Lakers on Oct. 1 he was still recovering from arthroscopic surgery he underwent three months earlier on his right knee and wasn't ready to play. But he didn't rule out returning at some point this season or beyond. He did turn down a consulting job offered to him in October by Buss, however.

Manley and Kupchak had dinner Friday before the Lakers game, and progress had been made with regard to Malone's future with the team, Manley told the Los Angeles Times.

"This is a pretty emotional, traumatic thing," he said. "We were really working toward doing a deal with the Lakers that was really moving in an off-court capacity and potential on-court capacity. All those discussions have stopped at Karl's direction."

"It's not about the Lakers, I love the Lakers," Malone told the Times. "It's about your main guy saying he doesn't want me. I'm a big enough man to understand that, so I'm going to get on with my life, and I've got a great life."

He told The Press-Enterprise that Bryant had too much power for Malone to be comfortable with the team if the younger player didn't want him there.

"Who can tell Kobe Bryant to shut up?" Malone said. "They gave him that power. ... You turn your franchise over to one man and that one man don't like you ... I have respect for so many of those brothers on that team that I would have loved -- absolutely loved -- to have played with them. But I have to do what I have to do, and it's unfortunate."

Malone, the second-leading scorer in NBA history, opted out of his $1.65 million contract following last season, making him a free agent.

After playing 18 seasons for the Utah Jazz, Malone joined the Lakers before last season in search of his first championship. He took a pay cut of about $18 million to sign for $1.5 million.

"Karl sacrificed financially to come to L.A., he sacrificed personally," Manley said. "He put his name and reputation on the line, put his arm around Kobe and said he was a good kid, tried to be his friend, told people to give him the benefit of the doubt.

"And now, basically, to get stabbed in the back, that's how he feels. This has ended any possibility of Karl returning to the Lakers in any capacity."

Malone and Bryant live about six blocks apart in Newport Beach.

Manley said his client is fully recovered from knee surgery and 100 percent physically.

"Karl will have something to say, probably in the next month or so, about his future," Manley said. "It will likely be after the first of the year. I'm personally crossing my fingers that he decides to play."

Several teams, including at least San Antonio, Minnesota, Dallas and Miami, expressed interest in Malone during the offseason. He wouldn't say which team he'd prefer, but The Press-Enterprise reported that the Spurs appear to be the leading candidate.

While with the Lakers, Malone was one of the few players who was close with both Bryant and O'Neal. Bryant signed a $136.4 million contract last summer to remain with the Lakers while O'Neal was traded to Miami.

Malone told The Press-Enterprise he believed that Bryant's wish not to have O'Neal and coach Phil Jackson with the Lakers was behind O'Neal's being traded to Miami and Jackson's contract not being renewed.

"You [Bryant] told me you didn't want me on your team -- on your team! -- I get the message loud and clear," Malone told the newspaper. "And that ain't from my agent. That's from me."

Malone played in 1,434 of a possible 1,444 regular-season games with the Jazz, but missed 40 games with the Lakers -- 39 after tearing a knee ligament Dec. 21 against Phoenix.

He returned in March and played a key role as the Lakers reached the NBA Finals before losing to the Detroit Pistons in five games.

Malone reinjured his knee in Game 2 of the finals, was limited in Games 3 and 4 and didn't play in Game 5. The Lakers lost the last three games.

Malone had played in 193 straight playoff games with the Jazz and Lakers before having to sit out the last game of the finals.

Considered one of the best power forwards in NBA history, Malone averaged a career-low 13.2 points and 8.7 rebounds in 42 games last season, leaving him with career averages of 25.0 points and 10.1 rebounds.

His 36,928 points in 1,476 games trails only Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, who finished his career with 38,387 points in 1,560 games. And he makes Diamond tingle with excitement.


OK I added that last line to the article... the rest is real though.
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Old 12-08-2004, 03:26 PM   #22
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an interview with Kobe Bryant was just on SportsCenter... and for the second day in a row Kobe refered to his teammates as "my players." this guy's quite the asshole.
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Old 12-13-2004, 07:44 AM   #23
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Kobe's pissed cause he says Karl Malone made a pass at his wife..what its OK for Kobe to go 3rd input on a 19 yr old in a Colorado hotel, but Mrs. Bryant's not allowed a ride on the Mailman 18 wheeler?
C'mon Kobeadulterer, what's good for the gander is good for the goose.
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Old 12-13-2004, 08:34 AM   #24
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as Hewson has already mentioned... this week's LMFOKBQOTW comes from none other than... Kobe Bryant.

Quote:
Stay away from my wife.
-Kobe Bryant
BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA





Iron Mike gives this quote a stupendous 10 iron mike thumbs up. Perhaps if Mr. Bryant had gone to Duke instead of straight to the NBA, he could've taken that splendiferous entery level class, Irony 101.
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Old 12-13-2004, 03:50 PM   #25
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from CNNSI.com
Quote:
The Bryants say Malone supposedly suggested that Vanessa come over and give him a hug, and said he was "hunting little Mexican girls."


be vewwy vewwy quiet... the mailman's hunting wittle mexican girls... huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh
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Old 12-13-2004, 04:02 PM   #26
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Quote:
Originally posted by Hewson
Kobe's pissed cause he says Karl Malone made a pass at his wife..what its OK for Kobe to go 3rd input on a 19 yr old in a Colorado hotel
You know Kobe...forcing every f*cking shot.
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Old 12-14-2004, 05:30 AM   #27
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Originally posted by speedracer


You know Kobe...forcing every f*cking shot.
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Old 12-14-2004, 06:30 AM   #28
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Quote:
Originally posted by speedracer


You know Kobe...forcing every f*cking shot.
Oh snap.
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Old 12-22-2004, 10:58 AM   #29
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This week's LMFOKBQOTW is actually an article... not a quote. It comes courtesy of Bill Simmons... The Sports Guy... from ESPN.com



I want Kobe to embrace the dark side. I want him to become a heel.

That's a term from pro wrestling, where the lines are simple: you have "babyfaces" (good guys) and "heels" (bad guys). When fans lose interest in a famous babyface, he invariably starts doing evil things, like Hulk Hogan changing his name to Hollywood Hogan in the mid-'90s. Hogan realized that fans were burned out after 12 years of Hulkamania. You can only watch the I'm-almost-unconscious-but-if-you-guys-start-cheering-me-I'll-raise-my-index-finger-and-start-hulking-up routine so many times. So the Hulkster made a savvy turn during his WCW days, blackening his beard and feuding with the resident babyfaces. And just like that, is career had a second life.

Well, this is what Kobe needs to do. The babyface gimmick isn't working. If this were wrestling, announcers would carry on like Kobe was a good guy ... only we'd hear the boos in the background and know it was just a matter of time before he turned. Kobe would intentionally miss a free throw against the Heat and then slam a metal chair over Jack Nicholson's head as the Lakers announcer screamed "Noooooo! Nooooooo!" And that would be that.

Real life doesn't work that way. For the sake of endorsements, athletes pretend to be good guys even when they aren't. During his glory days with Shaq, we heard rumblings that Kobe was petulant, more concerned about his legacy than anything. Even recently, he talked about how Shaq's departure provided a "challenge" for him, which is like Tiger Woods saying it's a "challenge" to play the Masters without his driver. As Magic Johnson taught us, you always, always, always embrace the Big Guy. But Kobe could never do it. Which always seemed strange.

Then the rape allegations popped up, with Kobe's innocence taking a backseat to a larger question: did we ever know this guy? Since Kobe the player reminded us of the young MJ, we ignored unsettling and mounting evidence that he was a brooding loner who lacked Jordan's charisma. Everything that has happened in the past few months reinforced those sentiments. It isn't just that he forced Phil Jackson's exit or Shaq's shocking trade. It's the chilling way he still maintains his innocence. If Kobe can lie about those things so easily, should we believe him about anything? Who throws a teammate under the bus during a police interrogation, or tells reporters that a friend allegedly hit on his wife? Why have respected NBA icons like Jackson, Reggie Miller and Karl Malone questioned Kobe's character, with Jackson even writing in his book, "Was I surprised? Yes, but not entirely," when he heard about the rape allegations?

Fair or not, the overall Kobe package seems contrived at best, calculating at worst. Following the Malone debacle, his campaign to win back public support was downright awkward. During an ESPN interview, Kobe halfheartedly said he should call Shaq to patch things up, sounding like someone who kept forgetting to cancel a magazine subscription. Yeah, maybe I'll apologize to my old teammate for making it seem like he had sex with strangers, then paid them off not to say anything. I should probably do that. The more he tries to seem genuine, the phonier he seems.

During a recent "road" game against the Clippers -- with half the crowd composed of Lakers fans -- I got to see Kobe in person. This is the "New Kobe." He's a leader, or so he thinks. It's as if Magic sat him down before the season and told him, "Coming out of timeouts, when the cameras come on, go to a teammate, drape your arm over his shoulder and pretend you're saying something insightful, then laugh and playfully slap him on the head." During one TO, Kobe threw a white towel at a frustrated Brian Cook, then embraced him 90 seconds later as if nothing had happened. Poor Cook's body was stiffer than a double martini. Hey, you can't tell your boss to screw off. Looking back, it was a goofy game: Clip fans booing Kobe, Lakers fans cheering him. Just another night in purgatory for Bryant.

I'm telling you, he needs to pull a Hollywood Hogan. After all that's happened, Kobe will never be totally cheered again. So why not go the other way? Wouldn't you rather be a memorable villain than a phony hero? Kobe should admit that he screwed the Clips over last summer, that he orchestrated Shaq's trade and Phil's departure, that he threw Malone under the bus for sport. Before home games, he should stand on the scorer's table and flip off fans. Maybe he could even hire a no-good manager with a cane. Embrace the dark side, Kobe. You're already there. You just can't admit it yet.

Where's Darth Vader when we need him?
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Old 12-22-2004, 12:17 PM   #30
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You should have used Shaq's Corvette and brick wall quote.
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