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Old 02-16-2008, 05:19 AM   #1
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Happy Valenti's Day, gang

Henceforth, Valentines to be Valenti's Day

TED CONNORS/AP/FOX - Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) kingpin, Jack Valenti has promised to 'sue the ass off' anyone caught not celebrating 'Valenti's Day' next February 14.

Valenti, once a friend of Frank Sinatra, before Sinatra's death at the age of 82, has taken out copyright on the trademarks 'Valenti', 'Valenti's' and 'Valentines', and claims he has the commercial right to enforce this name in all future celebrations of 14 February, traditionally associated with St. Valentine and the consummation of romantic love.

Valenti took a break from suing the ass off a 14-year-old music downloader to confirm the shock move to our reporter today.

U2 kingpin, Paul McGuinness, was allegedly also in the room with Valenti, helping to restrain the young hoodlum.

"The time for a free ride, in love as in life and commerce, is over," Valenti proclaimed from around his cigar. "Me and Frank, I mean Paul, we're gonna see things are done our way from now on. You wanna celebrate Valenti's Day? Fine - you can pay your dues, like any other honest player."

Rumours have already surfaced that a mega- dating website, 'valentisdayting.com', is under construction in advance of Valenti's Day 2009.

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Old 02-16-2008, 08:02 AM   #2
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i wonder if paul mcguinness will instruct that u2 cross-promote this new venture?

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Old 02-16-2008, 11:13 AM   #3
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Originally posted by Zoomerang96
i wonder if paul mcguinness will instruct that u2 cross-promote this new venture?



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Old 02-16-2008, 02:36 PM   #4
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Jack Valenti is living impaired.
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