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Old 04-21-2003, 05:32 PM   #1
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got a question? ask the agony ant!

anything and everything, the agony ant "alive on six legs" is happy to provide answers for you!

for example

"Abridged in Alberta" writes: "Dear Agony Ant, what should I do about my bad, bad dog? He's such a fucking bad dog, he speaks satanic messages into my brain when I'm not looking. He barks at me, but when played backwards he's really saying 'woorrship satan, worrrship satan, worrrrshipp satan...' It's driven me just as crazy as a shithouse rat! My wife won't listen to me, she thinks I'm making it all up. That's why I am going to have to kill her...'

Dear Abridged in Alberta, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. In the meantime, keep smiling and waving. Satan does not live in your dog. Remember that. I know where Satan lives, and trust me, it's not your dog. Also, your name is a travesty.

Until next week, this is your Agony Ant, alive on six legs.

---

you got questions? you know where to get the answers!
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Old 04-21-2003, 05:49 PM   #2
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Dear Agony Ant,

I am having problems with my toaster. When I tried to access the information super highway, I took the wrong exit and found myself in an Elmer's Craft Bond factory in Columbus, Ohio. As you know, Ohio is the home of mass-produced pigmy marmosets and the world's largest prime meridian. As a citizen of Micronesia, I was outraged by the actions of Stanley Bowman on March 6, 1972 during the Great Ketchup Riots in Lemvig, Denmark which resulted in the creation of the nation-states of Cyprus and Turkmenistan. Only in Denmark could such a thing happen! I am asking for your assistance in finding the most humane and superficial way to address the needs of the giant hipster pandas of northern Peru who have been persecuted by the Coucous Farmers Alliance. Should I pre-heat my postage stamp to 4:16pm EST or join the teaming masses of posthumous mathematicians? Your attention to this matter is greatly appreciated.

--Enchanted in St. John County
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Old 04-21-2003, 05:51 PM   #3
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wow, thats about 1000000 billion times better of a quetion than i was expecting.

i hope the agony ant will reply soon.
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Old 04-21-2003, 06:00 PM   #4
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Dear Agony Ant: Can you translate meegannies post?
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Old 04-21-2003, 06:00 PM   #5
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*stomps on agony ant and checks shoe for certain death






















Sorry St. John Countyfolk, hopefully your toaster will be repaired
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Old 04-21-2003, 06:55 PM   #6
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Ask not what the Agony Ant can do for you, but what you can do for the Agony Ant.
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Old 04-21-2003, 07:57 PM   #7
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Dear Agony Ant:

Lady Godiva syndrome has befallen me... now I am tempted to ride bareback through my campus. The mode of transport is my querie... is it stead or steel horse?

Bad, Bad Alberta Dawg
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Old 04-21-2003, 08:45 PM   #8
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dear agony ant,

what can i do for you?

-facetious in michigan
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Old 04-21-2003, 10:59 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally posted by Zedbetty
Ask not what the Agony Ant can do for you, but what you can do for the Agony Ant.
wise words from a wise man.

did you know this thread was originally deleted as soon as it was posted? im glad you got to see it, dear ant.

~disturbed soylent green
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Old 04-21-2003, 11:26 PM   #10
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So THAT'S why I couldn't post at first.
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Old 04-21-2003, 11:37 PM   #11
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ya, at least they gave a good reason for closing it. not only did they NOT lock it, they deleted it.

makes sense to me.
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Old 04-22-2003, 02:20 AM   #12
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Dear Agony Ant,

Today I received an email from a dear friend that consisted only of the word "boobies" spelled in a variety of ways. Should I be concerned?

-Amused Nonetheless in Michigan
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Old 04-22-2003, 02:49 AM   #13
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Bear, you should know that the old delete-the-thread trick is the oldest one in the book. They want you to doubt yourself, perchance even to wonder if you might be losing your mind, if you really posted a thread at all or just... dreamed it?
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Old 04-22-2003, 03:43 AM   #14
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Dear Agony Ant,
My question is this; When my intended (the man, to whom this question does, after all, pretain) was heard to remark that he was "feeling aquiesent" and then threw my seven layered pomerancovy s hrushka torte out the window of our fabulous (yet sedately decorated) penthouse did he indeed do so to signal that he was (as I have often though) naught but a mandril in a cleverly fashioned pair of spats?
Or is it more complex than that?
I am plagued (plagued I say) by visions that he is flaring eye spots that I was previously unaware he possesed (due to the fact that it has never been a hunch of mine that he in any species of butterfly or moth) and hurling confection after heavily sugared confection at my face while wagging his hips an chanting "the snake is not your own."
Should I go through with the wedding considering?
Yours,
Transcendental in Tokyo
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Old 04-22-2003, 03:54 AM   #15
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Dear Transparency in Tokyo, your letter makes absolutely no sense. I think the gentleman wants you. Thank you.

Yours until next week, the Agony Ant (alive on six legs).
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