Going to A Concert? Don't Play The Fool

[Popmartijn]

Hello,

Here's an interesting (and amusing) article about those annoying concert stereotypes. You know the ones I'm talking about. So, read it and continue to make fun of them.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A63181-2004Jul19.html

Just One Request
Going to A Concert? Don't Play The Fool

[. . .]

There is no escaping the Concert Fool. He (and every once in a while, she) is the chronic carbuncle on the butt of rock, an inflammation that makes it hard to really get comfortable. The Concert Fool is either unglued by music, or drunk, or unaware of the invisible line that separates civilization from anarchy. Or aware of the line but past caring about it. Mostly, the Concert Fool is having a great time because these guys rawwwwk and because it's a concert and up top, dude. Rock and roll!

Ultimately, the Concert Fool is confused. He believes that the rules of courtesy have been suspended during showtime, which isn't exactly true. Though it's not entirely false, either. At a typical rock concert, you get far more leash than you do at, say, the theater or the symphony. The Concert Fool, however, misconstrues limited license for an excuse to vomit on your girlfriend's pants.

[. . .]

*has seen some of these annoying persons at some concerts he was attending*

C ya!

Marty

 

[Hewson]

Invariably this guy is always in the seat next to mine. Except for the time he was climbing over seats to get to the front, tripped and crashed on top of my wife.

 

[Moonlit_Angel]

Invariably this guy is always in the seat next to mine. Except for the time he was climbing over seats to get to the front, tripped and crashed on top of my wife.

Aw, that's not cool. .

I've seen a few of the typical loud, obnoxious, drunk guys wandering around at the concerts I've been to, but thankfully I've never had anyone fall on or vomit on me or anyone I was with.

I was sitting next to a guy at one concert who was trying to work his lighter and muttered something about this "damn new age technology"-thought that was kinda funny.

Angela

 

[martha]

I'll add one, but this isn't as popular as it once was (Thank God):

The Whistler: This idiot likes to whistle loud and long during quiet times in songs or while the performer is speaking or introducing songs. The whistling is attempting to be bird-like, but it's louder and more long-winded than any bird you'll ever hear.

Why these assholes insist on whistling like that, I've never been able to figure out, but they've sure nearly brought me to violence. There was a particular Jimmy Cliff concert that comes to mind. Jimmy has a voice like warm silk, but you have to listen to it. Some twit whistled like that during much of the show. Never have I wanted to hurt someone as much as I wanted to hurt that guy.

 

[Moonlit_Angel]

LOL, oh, yeah, I've encountered those, martha.

Angela

 

[Diemen]

I've been subject to a few of those. Like the lovey-dovey couple who were so drunk and stoned they couldn't stand up straight and kept swaying hard into me during my first U2 concert. So I decided to leave a well placed elbow out the next time they did it, and suddenly the two drunkies thought I was the one causing problems.

So of course they get in my face, try and act all imposing, and I basically tell them that I'd like to be able to watch the concert without having to shove them off of me every 5 seconds, if that's too much to ask. We shake hands, get back to the concert, and that's that, I go back to watching U2 play Bad (they had to screw up Bad for me! probably the song I was most looking forward to hearing at my first U2 gig!).

Or so I thought. About every 30 seconds for the next couple minutes, one of them found the need to pat me on the shoulder and say "be cool man... let's all just be cool dude...we're here for the music, man..."

I'm not a violent man at all, but if my friend didn't (wisely) place herself between me and the assholes, I might've done something stupid.

 

[pookersmom]

Have thankfully never encountered these people at a U2 show, but for some reason, I always get Mr. Shout All the Songs at the Top of My Voice and Play Really Annoying Pete Townsend-like Air Guitar at every Bruce Springsteen show I've ever been to. He always seems to be there alone.

And now that I'm over 30, I seem to be more and more annoyed by drunk teenagers. Just a few years ago, I actually found them sort of funny. But now they're just sad and annoying. You can find them out in force at No Doubt and Red Hot Chili Peppers shows.

 

[u2popmofo]

I try to always save a little room for the most foolish fools I see in all my concert reviews. I seem to never forget a lot of these people.....here are a few examples:

Radiohead - Drunk old guys who seemed to think they were at a Def Leppard concert (behavior-wise)
The Shins - sleeping indie kids
RUSH - drunk guy playing 'air-bass' while running through the entire crowd

Classy

 

[U2girl]

"Zmmuphhmen"

 

[IWasBored]

i can think of so many more.

 

[joyfulgirl]

I'll add one, too.

The Screamer: The screamer appears during the penultimate moment of a ballad, a pause during which the audience sits motionless, capitvated, holding their breath, suspended in time waiting for the final word or note that will push them over the edge in revery. During this sacred moment The Screamer, enamored with the sound of his/her own voice screams, "I LOVE YOU________(fill in the blank)."

 

[BluRmGrl]

Yes, the Concert Fool is compelled to act this way due to a widely spread but seldom named disease: I'm-the-only-human-being-on-the-planet-itis. It seems to strike victims anywhere, anytime: while driving a car (victim suddenly cuts across 4 lanes of traffic to make a left turn); while in the grocery store (victim shuffles slowly down the MIDDLE of the aisle, blocking other carts); and, yes, even at live shows (victim screams all songs loudly & horribly off-key, suddenly decides perfect strangers are their best new friends & chatters constantly, seems to forget all concept of "personal space" [yours v/s theirs]).
Yes, we've all had the misfortune to cross paths with someone suffering from this malady. Sadly, as of yet, there is no known cure. However, a one-finger salute and a suggestion of "Feck off, Bastard!!" will make you feel better.

 

[ylimeU2]

The first concert I went to, the guy next to me got completely loaded, spent most of the show screaming and doing his version of dancing, followed by puking on my jeans, just to top off the night.

Other than that, I've been lucky to avoid those people.

 

[IWasBored]

at the punk rawk show :
-spacially challenged pogo-ers who jump into everyone and step on your toes on the way down

in the pit:
-directionally challenged kids in circle pits
-hardcore kids who think that everyone wants a fist in the nose (fine if it's a hardcore show. not if it's a ska band.)
-ska-punk kids who can't tell the difference between moshing and skanking
-14 year old sluts in their "i'm a lesbian!" phase who try to make out with each other in the middle of the pit

crowd surfers:
-those who flail their limbs
-fat people who flaten everyone in their path
-repeat offenders

then there's "that guy". you know, the one who goes to see u2, and wears an old u2 shirt (not the one he just bought at the merch table). don't be that guy!!

 

[IWasBored]

then there's the dyhdrated kid who makes it up on stage during the last song when the crowd rushes the stage. this kid is fine for a while, but then suddenly pukes on someone's shoes while nearly toppling onto the drum set. how embarrasing.

 

[HeartlandGirl]

IWB!


I think you should teach a seminar!

 

[ThatGuy]

then there's "that guy". you know, the one who goes to see u2, and wears an old u2 shirt (not the one he just bought at the merch table). don't be that guy!!

 

[Moonlit_Angel]

I'll add one, too.

The Screamer: The screamer appears during the penultimate moment of a ballad, a pause during which the audience sits motionless, capitvated, holding their breath, suspended in time waiting for the final word or note that will push them over the edge in revery. During this sacred moment The Screamer, enamored with the sound of his/her own voice screams, "I LOVE YOU________(fill in the blank)."

Haha, yes. I remember one concert...was it a year ago, just a little over that...this one girl kept yelling out various stupid stuff to the band on stage, and I was sitting there thinking, "Argh, would you shut up already, lady? You're not funny."

at BluRmGrl's post, too.

Also, aw, sorry to hear that your first concert turned out kinda sucky, ylimeU2. .

Angela

 

[cass]

to the creepy looking guy who tried to barge his way to the front at the Splendour after we had stood there for hours enduring what was already a human crush. When we made it obvious we weren't letting him in to our little patch he tried to charm his way in.."I thought it was Splendour is the Arse, that's why all you women are here, you want it in the......." well I won't continue, it got worse.UGH!!
also to the girl who thought she had right of way because it was her 19th birthday. Okey dokey, we let her in, but hellsbells, did she have to be wearing quite so much spiky jewellery and such an ornamented belt. She scratched me continually when she was dancing...if that's what you call the need to leap about waving your arms in the air...poooooheeeeeeee.
to the considerate, sensible and friendly people.
ow: to the young totally drunk guy that stepped in front of my car on the main road when I was leaving the festival. There were designated pedestrian pathways back to Byron, but no, he had to walk( stagger) on the wrong side of the road in the dark. If I'd run him over it would really have spoilt an otherwise splendid night.
I could go on about the things I've seen over the years, but I'll

 

[Moonlit_Angel]

When we made it obvious we weren't letting him in to our little patch he tried to charm his way in.."I thought it was Splendour is the Arse, that's why all you women are here, you want it in the......."

*Makes a face* Oh, good god......

Have I mentioned that I really am not a fan of guys who act like that?

Angela

 

[u2valleygirl]

The angelers are the who I get the most at. Esspecially if a girl with roses wants to steal spots so that she can to the band. Or how about the tall football player who says I am just making my way to the bar and then proceeds to stand right in front of you!

 

[fah]

I went to see Harry Connick Jr tonight

But enough of him....many thanks to those at the show who waited to be seated until after the show had started. Yes those of us who had aisle seats really appreciate that.

And one more thing - Go to the bathroom before you sit down.

 

[IWasBored]

IWB!


I think you should teach a seminar!

if only i could. hah, i sound more elitist the more i say. i should be quiet. i was that pit newbie once...a few bloody lips, noses, and one interesting experience puking on a crowded stage have turned me into a...


sorry, thatguy, i didn't mean you!

 

[Popmartijn]

I just got back from a concert by the Fun Lovin' Criminals. They were cool. I know only a handful of songs of them, but they put on a good show (and they played almost every song I knew of them, so that was cool too). However, I did encounter one of those stereotypes: the requestaholic. After the second song (as they opened with Loco/The King Of New York back to back) every time when there was a small pause this dude would yell out for Scooby Snacks.
I mean, the concert had barely started and that one is one of their biggest hits. So I sort of expected that one to be played near the end of the main set or during the encores. Which they finally did (near the end of the main set). By then, I was so sick of this dude. Especially when he started to request Scooby Snacks AGAIN!!!

Luckily the Fun Lovin' Criminals were cool. They were a bit more rockin' than I expect and Huey certainly got a certain charm. It was a nice evening out (although it was freakin' hot).

Stick 'em up punk, it's the Fun Lovin' Criminal

C ya!

Marty

 

[u2granny]

Then there was the woman at the Portland Elevation show who was so moved by WOWY that she began...um..."servicing" the man seated next to her.

 

[IWasBored]

people who get up to go get food during a show need to die.

seriously.

 

[SkeeK]

"servicing" has gotta be the funniest euphemism for administering sexual pleasure ever. unless i'm misinterpreting. I hope i'm not misinterpreting.

That article missed the obsessive fan, usually obese, usually a chick, who plants her ass down right at the front directly in front of the singer, gazes dreamily into his eyes, and doesn't budge throughout the whole show.

Or maybe that's just a London thing.

 

[IWasBored]

no, the obsessive fan exists all over western massachusetts. in both indie rock and punk scenes.

like the wierdos who stand right in the front and desperatly flail their arms about just trying to touch the singer when he steps out towards the crowd. someone like my sister who doesn't give a fuck what kanye west's setlist was--she has the sweaty tall he threw into the audience!!

 

[u2granny]

"servicing" has gotta be the funniest euphemism for administering sexual pleasure ever. unless i'm misinterpreting. I hope i'm not misinterpreting.

That article missed the obsessive fan, usually obese, usually a chick, who plants her ass down right at the front directly in front of the singer, gazes dreamily into his eyes, and doesn't budge throughout the whole show.

Or maybe that's just a London thing.

You're not misinterpreting. They were in front of my son.

 

[SkeeK]

Is there laws about that sort of thing?