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Old 09-22-2003, 11:07 PM   #1
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gather 'round, it's story time

(insert suspenseful, lustful, intriguing, and mysterious story here)
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Old 09-22-2003, 11:16 PM   #2
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Kumbayah, my Lord....
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Old 09-22-2003, 11:18 PM   #3
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thank you for coming



I'm feeling like company tonight..being bored and all

you'll do nicely
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Old 09-22-2003, 11:20 PM   #4
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once upon a time....

...but the fairy godmother...

...fire-breathing dragons...

...sleeping beauty's twin sister?

...and they all lived happily ever after.
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Old 09-22-2003, 11:21 PM   #5
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oooh!!!

kinky!
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Old 09-22-2003, 11:22 PM   #6
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Old 09-22-2003, 11:24 PM   #7
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apparently they didn't tell the three little pigs about the pumpkin coach....

...mmmm gingerbread house....
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Old 09-22-2003, 11:26 PM   #8
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come now!
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Old 09-22-2003, 11:27 PM   #9
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that could be read in the wrong way...please don't
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Old 09-22-2003, 11:33 PM   #10
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big bad wolf: i want vengence and i want it now! i want vengence gonna get it somehow!

pig (who lives in the straw house--the stupidest of the three): uh what song is that?

pig (who lives in the stick house): the pogues?

pig (who lives in the brick house--the clever one): no you fool! *throws spare bricks at the other two pigs* it's the nips! shane macgowan's first band!

big bad wolf: i wasn't singing, i want vengence on that bastard woodcutter who cut open my stomach to free red ridding hood and her grandmother.

prince charming: *looks around* uh...i think i'm in the wrong--

big bad wolf: *eats prince charming before he finishes his sentence*
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Old 09-22-2003, 11:37 PM   #11
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what a naughty wolf! tell me more!
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Old 09-23-2003, 12:03 AM   #12
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for the sake of making this story easier to follow:

pig #1 = straw house pig
pig #2 = stick house pig
pig #3 = brick house pig



ok....here goes...

Basstrap's bedtime story:

after the wolf ate prince charming...

pig #1: wow...who's that? is it a zombie?

pig #3: no you fool! *thorws another brick* it's sleeping beauty! she's sleep-walking!

pig #2: *starts sining Flogging Molly's song 'Another Bag of Bricks'* Did you know that song sounds a lot like The Pogues song 'Turkish Song of the Damned?'

big bad wolf: off the If I Should Fall from Grace with God album? why yes, it certainly does

*pig #2 and wolf go off to discuss music. wolf decides that the pig has too good taste in music to be eaten*


*CRACK!*

pig #1: what was that noise?

pig #3: oh no! it looks like she stepped on the hooves of one of the three billy goats and was chased over the bridge! that troll never maintains it, the boards were weak and she fell through! quick! she's floting up the river! let's go save her!

*SPLOOSH*

pig #1: AAAUUUGGGGGGHHH!!!!! IT'S THE LOCHNESS MONSTER!!

pig #3: you fool! *goes to throw another brick, but he ran out* the lochness monster lives near scotland! we're not in scotland, we're off the coast of florida! *looks into the river* HOLY SHIT! THAT IS THE LOCHNESS MONSTER!

*CHOMP!*

pig #1: AAAUUUGGGGGHHH NOOOOO!!!!! THE LOCHNESS MONSTER JUST ATE SLEEPING BEATUY!!!





stay tuned for our thrilling conclusion......
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Old 09-23-2003, 12:04 AM   #13
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I think we'll look through the arched window today boys and girls

there's a TV show I'd reckon you'd like, maybe it's broadcast in Newfie...it's THAT good.
it's theme song has always reminded me of this place

" there's a bear in there( well, there used to be)
and a chair as well..( SILVERCHAIR!! ...don't get me started)
there are people with games..
and stories to tell
open wide
come inside( i figure you'd like that bit)
it's Playschool
it's Playschool


or

we could talk food

or

about the weather....

It's too fucking hot here

imho

end of story!
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Old 09-23-2003, 12:16 AM   #14
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What about the handcuffs?
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Old 09-23-2003, 12:33 AM   #15
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pig #1: oh no! what if it comes after us?? hey! who's that guy over there? maybe he can help us?

pig #3: *yelling* hey you! over here!!

scary man who bears a resemblence to a neck-less truckdriver...yes folks, you guessed it--HENRY ROLLINS!: what the fuck do you want? you know what i hate about talking pigs? they're not on a plate! and if they haven't been roasted and cooked up in their own juices, then there's no point in eating them *blah blah blah blah*

pig #3: oh god...maybe we'd be better off if the lochness monster ate us, i don't want to listen to this guy talk! what a moron!

henry rollins: *still ranting...now talking about a resturant where he ordered pork chops and sent them back cos he didn't like the design on the placemats*

pig #1: maybe, do you think we could feed him to the lochness monster?

pig #3: you fool! *reaches for a brick, out of habit, knowing he threw them all already* hey wait...that's a good idea....

*pig 1 and 3 sneak up on rollins, and push him into the river*

rollins: hey! i'm not done whinning yet!

*SPLASH*

rollins: fuck you! i don't know how to swim!!

*more splashing*

*CHOMP!*

lochness monster: *belch*

pig #3: uh oh....dude, look at that monster! it doesn't look like its feeling so well...

*SPLASH!*

--the pigs watch in horror as the lochness monster falls, sinking down to the bottom of the river---

pig #1: wow...must have been something he ate...

pig#3: you fool! *throws a rock this time* rollins did it! it must have been his horrible temperment or sheer obnoxiouness!

--suddnely al barr from the dropkick murphys shows up, sporting the perfect shirt for the occasion--

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