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Old 02-26-2005, 10:09 AM   #1
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Funny chat quotes site...

I've been laughing for a about 15 mins and I thought I'd share this site with everyone here.

www.bash.org

If I find any really good ones I'll come back and post them.
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Old 02-26-2005, 03:35 PM   #2
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That's a funny site.
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Old 02-26-2005, 03:36 PM   #3
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#52193 +(212)- [X]

<KoaL> smuggling drugs into Jamaica is like smuggling slimfast into Ethiopia
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Old 02-26-2005, 03:42 PM   #4
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#52867 +(169)- [X]

<@DREAD_0> you now, the only reason yanks spell phonetically is you're all too stupid to understand the intircasies of the english language, it's nothign to be proud of
<@DREAD_0> and yes, i realise i cant spell intricacies
<Azhrarn> nothign?
<@DREAD_0> or nothing
<Azhrarn> or know


<pHluid> GF the other day said something about me not washing my hands after I take a piss
<pHluid> "First of all, I don't piss on my hands. Secondly, you put the damn thing IN YOUR MOUTH, I think I'll be allright to touch it every now and then."
<pHluid> That shut her up.


<Macolio> shaid: like last time, I helped scrybe do his chemestry assignment, even though I had no idea what I was doing. Because that's just the type of person I am.
<Shaid> and he failed.
<Macolio> that's irrelevant


<alien> theres a fly on my windowsill and it's rubbing its hands
<TheKnife> it's contemplating
<alien> oh shit


<asr> 'fo sheezy.
<Sabboth> what the fuck does that mean in english? you should understand that having a day job precludes me from 'keeping it real' and as such, I lack a certain familiarity with the language of the 'streets' as it were.


And my personal favorite:

<djglitch> i'm thinking about getting the front desk chix number just to see if i still have it in me
<djglitch> she is sexy
<tyne> lol
<tyne> u got her number
<tyne> "0"
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Old 02-26-2005, 04:35 PM   #5
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believe it or not, I have quotes on that somewhere. I used to belong to an INSANE chat and we got whole conversations posted on that site lol
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Old 02-26-2005, 05:20 PM   #6
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Hope you all enjoy these as much as I did:

Ibekev: yeah that does, I guess you never really know until you meet someone and I'm not trying to put any assumptions into any of this other than I am willing to meet new people and learn more about myself and them at the same time, I don't think you can go out there looking for you soul mate or whatever, it just happens but it won't happen if you're just sitting on your couch
Keli_86: right..i completely agree with you
Ibekev: So I guess the rule of thumb is to see this as a way to meet new friends and just see
Keli_86: you couldnt have put it any better
Ibekev: cool, so you wanna get naked and put your webcam back on?


<Donut[AFK]> HEY EURAKARTE
<Donut[AFK]> INSULT
<Eurakarte> RETORT
<Donut[AFK]> COUNTER-RETORT
<Eurakarte> QUESTIONING OF SEXUAL PREFERENCE
<Donut[AFK]> SUGGESTION TO SHUT THE FUCK UP
<Eurakarte> NOTATION THAT YOU CREATE A VACUUM
<Donut[AFK]> RIPOSTE
<Donut[AFK]> ADDON RIPOSTE
<Eurakarte> COUNTER-RIPOSTE
<Donut[AFK]> COUNTER-COUNTER RIPOSTE
<Eurakarte> NONSENSICAL STATEMENT INVOLVING PLANKTON
<Miles_Prower> RESPONSE TO RANDOM STATEMENT AND THREAT TO BAN OPPOSING SIDES
<Eurakarte> WORDS OF PRAISE FOR FISHFOOD
<Miles_Prower> ACKNOWLEDGEMENT AND ACCEPTENCE OF TERMS


<DeadMansHand> haha, last night, me and pete went out to celebrate his engagement and got hugely drunk
<DeadMansHand> we got this great idea to bury eachother in the sand close to the water and see who would chicken out first
<DeadMansHand> took about a half hour, but the water got up to my face so i freaked and got out
<DeadMansHand> i looked around for pete and he must've chickened out before me and stumbled home or something heh
<DeadMansHand> What'd he say when he woke up this morning?
<Thirteen-> uhh.. he hasn't come home yet.. i thought he was staying with you?
<DeadMansHand> holy fuck.
<DeadMansHand> i fucking hope im wrong about what im thinking right now
<DeadMansHand> im fucking going back to the beach to make sure
<DeadMansHand> if he gets home, call me, i don't want to be worrying about this
<Thirteen-> will do. you better hope he's not still buried, you'll be in deep shit.
quit: (DeadMansHand)
<Tyran> wtf? pete came home last night you fuck. Ken's going to be worrying about this shit all day
<Thirteen-> haha yea, but it will be fun while it lasts
join: (PeteRepeat) (bob@3F8C4655.11D1C8C.18637D35.IP)
<PeteRepeat> fucking ken
<PeteRepeat> ken... that fucker buried me in the sand last night, i ran off about 5 minutes to it, left him there to be an idiot
<quiqsilver> pete, ken didn't come back last night, i thought he was with you.
<PeteRepeat> oh fuck.
<PeteRepeat> if ken shows up, make sure he doesn't know that im at the beach digging for his body. i don't want him to think i care or anything.
quit: (PeteRepeat)
<Thirteen-> rofl. Those 2 are going to get a huge surprise when they meet at the beach.
<Tyran> i can't beleive how perfect their timing was


<Jeedo> hey baby, whats up?
<Indidge> umm....nothing?
<Jeedo> So....want me to like come over today so we can fuck?
<Indidge> Wait....did you want to speak to my daughter?
<Jeedo> Yes Mrs.Miller.. :-/


Rabidplaybunny87: Okay, so my neighbors officially hate me
GarbageStan23: why?
Rabidplaybunny87: Well, me, david and andrew were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were making s'mores and all... and suddenly we here sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us.
Rabidplaybunny87: So we all went running to see what was up, and our neigbor's house was on fire!
GarbageStan23: oh shit!
Rabidplaybunny87: Yeah, and when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever
Rabidplaybunny87: Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire....
Rabidplaybunny87: talk about bad timing...

<wolf> 1. Save every Free Credit Card Offer you get, Put it in pile A
<wolf> 2. Save every Free Coupon You get, put that in pile B
<wolf> 3. Now open the credit card mail from pile A and find the Business
Reply Mail Envelope.
<wolf> 4. Take the coupons from pile B and stuff them in the envelope you hold
in your hand.
<wolf> 5. Drop the stuffed to the brim envelopes in your mail and walk away
whistling.
<wolf> I have now received two phone calls from the credit card companies
telling me that they received a stuffed envelope with coupons rather
then my application. They informed me that it they are not pleased that
they footed the bill for the crap I sent them. I reply with "It says
Business Reply Mail" I'm suggesting coupons to you to ensure that your
business is more successful. They promptly hang up on me.
<wolf> Now, I did this for about a month before it got boring, so I got an
added idea! I added exactly 33 cents worth of pennies to the envelope
so they paid EXTRA due to the weight. I got a call informing me about
the money, I said it was a mistake and I demanded my change back. After
yelling at the clerk and then to the supervisor they agreed to my
demands and cut me a check for the money. I hold in my hand at this
very moment a check from GTE Visa for exactly 33 cents.


<Raven> I tried setting my hotmail password to penis.
<Raven> It said my password wasn't long enough.


hoenix> Dude, wanna hear a fucked up story?
Phoenix> So, Im at the usual weekend frat parties and i've been talking to this girl for the majority of the night.
Phoenix> Anyway I ended up going back with her to her dorm. About another 8shots later, we end up fooling around on her bed.
Phoenix> So about 10min's into her giving me head, I had to drop the fattest shit in my life.
Phoenix> All my meals were followed by 3tsp of metamucil so I could get lots of fiber in me to combat the carbs a litte. Anyway im holdin my #2 in and finally it goes away. We both end up passing out on her bed, she's butt naked and im in my boxers.
Phoenix> I wake up to piss and I find myself covered in shit. It was all over the bed,sheets,etc.... Im freakin out so I did the most horrible thing in the world.
Phoenix> She's sleeping with her back towards me, so I take my boxers off, scoop up some shit and gently smear it on the inside of her butt, her lower back, and a little on the back of her hammies.
Phoenix> I get dressed and leave... This poor girl is gonna think she did it. I didnt know what else to do though. I have no clue what im gonna do when I end up running into her.
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Old 02-26-2005, 10:48 PM   #7
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<anamexis> oh man
<anamexis> I was opening a coke, right
--> Beefpile (~mbeefpile@cloaked.wi.rr.com) has joined #themacmind
<anamexis> and it exploded
<anamexis> ALMOST all over my keyboard
<anamexis> but I got it away just in time
<-- Beefpile has quit (sick fuckers)
<anamexis> :<
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Old 02-27-2005, 08:35 AM   #8
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OMG...

BWAAAAHAAHAAAA!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 02-27-2005, 08:42 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally posted by Dalton

<DeadMansHand> haha, last night, me and pete went out to celebrate his engagement and got hugely drunk
<DeadMansHand> we got this great idea to bury eachother in the sand close to the water and see who would chicken out first
<DeadMansHand> took about a half hour, but the water got up to my face so i freaked and got out
<DeadMansHand> i looked around for pete and he must've chickened out before me and stumbled home or something heh
<DeadMansHand> What'd he say when he woke up this morning?
<Thirteen-> uhh.. he hasn't come home yet.. i thought he was staying with you?
<DeadMansHand> holy fuck.
<DeadMansHand> i fucking hope im wrong about what im thinking right now
<DeadMansHand> im fucking going back to the beach to make sure
<DeadMansHand> if he gets home, call me, i don't want to be worrying about this
<Thirteen-> will do. you better hope he's not still buried, you'll be in deep shit.
quit: (DeadMansHand)
<Tyran> wtf? pete came home last night you fuck. Ken's going to be worrying about this shit all day
<Thirteen-> haha yea, but it will be fun while it lasts
join: (PeteRepeat) (bob@3F8C4655.11D1C8C.18637D35.IP)
<PeteRepeat> fucking ken
<PeteRepeat> ken... that fucker buried me in the sand last night, i ran off about 5 minutes to it, left him there to be an idiot
<quiqsilver> pete, ken didn't come back last night, i thought he was with you.
<PeteRepeat> oh fuck.
<PeteRepeat> if ken shows up, make sure he doesn't know that im at the beach digging for his body. i don't want him to think i care or anything.
quit: (PeteRepeat)
<Thirteen-> rofl. Those 2 are going to get a huge surprise when they meet at the beach.
<Tyran> i can't beleive how perfect their timing was
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Old 02-27-2005, 08:52 AM   #10
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<Ouroboros> Has anyone ever logged into dev0n's FTP?
<Affe> ouro: that some kind of sexual innuendo?
<xpander> is that a euphemism?
<Ouroboros> Possibly
<Ouroboros> Shhh
<Ouroboros> I try to be subtle about these things.
<Affe> in that case, i 'log into dev0ns ftp' all the time
<Ouroboros> Yeah, she gave me her "login" but she won't reply to my "/msgs"
<Affe> dude i had 'sex' with her in the 'butt' the other day
<Affe> oh wait
<Affe> we're being subtle

~~~

<@RuebiaYat> GoodScrat: has God spoken to you lately?
<@GoodScrat> I don't talk to myself

~~~

<blazemore> LITTLETON, Colo. - Colorado officials plan to try a 15-year-old boy as an adult for allegedly offering a Sony PlayStation to have his aunt killed.
<FlipTopBx> is it modded?

~~~

<skunko> dammit
<skunko> how do you get past the metallica ban on napster
<AlmtyBob> not liking crap music is a start

~~~

<Chelle> I'm gonna get something to eat - brb
<GreenDragon> If they had an eating contest Chelle would win.
<Slerte> Nah, I could eat her under the table any day.
<Slerte> err

~~~

<november7> 100 pts
<`red> in canada we get 200 pts for running over americans.
<november7> yea but over here your points arent worth shit

~~~

<rastie> i teached my kid sister a good lesson
<Murdock> I'm guessing it wasn't an english lesson..

~~~

< back2u> yeah ... somme ppl r just born loosers like urslef ...
< pairo> Hey, at least I can spell loser.
< back2u> heh.
< pairo> Not to mention "people", "are" and "yourself".
< back2u> good for you ...
< pairo> Oh, and "some".

~~~

<CrossAlkaid> I'm going to make myself a son out of all the Kleenex I have in a pile by now.
<CrossAlkaid> Then I'll kill him, because the law makes no provisions for people made of Kleenex.

~~~

<frank> can you help me install GTA3?
<knightmare> first, shut down all programs you aren't using
frank has quit IRC. (Quit)
<knightmare> ...
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Old 02-27-2005, 09:14 AM   #11
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uh yeah.. chats

senka: i never had a girl
senka: who put on makeup
hiphop: you are missing something then
hiphop: i love when thy put on make up
hiphop: and i am watching them
hiphop: in the bathroom
hiphop: with my hand between their legs
hiphop: and dem movin a little and say
hiphop: stop that...
senka: with the bottle of wine in the other hand, lol
hiphop: i have to watch the lipstick...
hiphop: you always think about the same......

senka: hi tam
tam: where u from senka?
senka: vienna
tam: how old?
hiphop: tam, simplicity is the key - just say "i wanna fuck"

hiphop: what about you n girls?
elwood: i ´m free and single, thats fine by me. sometimes i get all horny and after a month i realize that this wasn´t the right one for me
hiphop: yeah i wonder if its worth it. maybe i´ll retreat for the next 2 months
elwood: ah come on, 2 months that´s nothing
hiphop: no bedtime stories, no new girls, no dates, just write for uni
elwood: hehe. nice plan
hiphop: yeah but not easy
elwood: no way you make it
hiphop: well we can bet
elwood: its gonna be difficult to prove
hiphop: men don ´t lie. women do.
elwood: do they?
hiphop: to each other. men just got handshakin quality. word.
elwood: you fuckin macho
hiphop: no money. lets just bet for male honor
elwood: ain ´t got nothin to lose then
hiphop: 2 months from today. both of us. ´til 15th of february no date, no kiss, no sex, nothing. ok phonecalls are alowed, and mails, but nothing else. deal?
elwood: what if you meet the woman of your life?
hiphop: pah
elwood: lol
hiphop: i´ll just lose my male honior then
elwood: ok lol
hiphop: ok then
hiphop: its gonna be a hard time, but a true time
elwood: true dat

tam: i´m bored
senka: gimme a blowjob then
tam: senka you fuckin prick
senka: tam go change your tampon. you stink.

sometimes we play it ruff... but its just lotsa fun.. i ´m not like that in real life
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