Thought you Cat Lovers would love this.
Excerpts from a Dog's Diary
6:00am - At last! I Go Pee! My favorite thing!
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
6:00 pm - They're home! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's Diary
Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with
bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while
the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I
nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The
only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to
disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at
their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it
clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I
was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this
means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one
of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must
try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced
that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog
receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be
more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got
to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly.
I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged
protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For
now...