First Annual Blue Crack Joke Contest!

The friendliest place on the web for anyone that follows U2.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.

RedRocksU2

Blue Crack Addict
Joined
Mar 23, 2005
Messages
26,437
Location
Murrieta, CA.
Ok, here's the deal, do you have a good joke?
Post it here and you will be in the running for a special prize.

Judging will be made by crack Addicts only.


The prize?

30 iTunes song downloads!

Good luck

(Special thanks to Elvis for allowing me to do this.)
 
We should have a contest to see who can do the best "Aristocrats" joke.
 
This is only a joke.

Bono and Edge are travelling in an airplane. The plane crashes during a severe storm and all lives are lost. Bono & Edge find themselves in Heaven and before them sitting on a grand throne is God. God tells them if they answer His question truthfully, they will enter the Kingdom of Heaven to experience everlasting happiness.

God turns to Edge and asks "What do you believe, Edge?"

Edge replies " I believe in the power of rock n roll and Gibson guitars!! "

God smiles, and says, " Excellent, you may enter. "

After Edge leaves, God turns to Bono. He asks Bono "What do you believe? "

With a wry smile and glint in his eye, Bono replies " I believe you are sitting in my chair! "
 
trevster2k said:
This is only a joke.

Bono and Edge are travelling in an airplane. The plane crashes during a severe storm and all lives are lost. Bono & Edge find themselves in Heaven and before them sitting on a grand throne is God. God tells them if they answer His question truthfully, they will enter the Kingdom of Heaven to experience everlasting happiness.

God turns to Edge and asks "What do you believe, Edge?"

Edge replies " I believe in the power of rock n roll and Gibson guitars!! "

God smiles, and says, " Excellent, you may enter. "

After Edge leaves, God turns to Bono. He asks Bono "What do you believe? "

With a wry smile and glint in his eye, Bono replies " I believe you are sitting in my chair! "

:lol:

I remember reading this joke somewhere on another site before...

I think they also had a U2-joke with God and Paul McCartney (who has died and gone to heaven), and one about Bono and God in a boat... but I can't remember what site it was! Anyone know what I'm talking about? :help:
 
I have two horribly, terrible jokes that are so bad that they are good.


What did the three legged dog say when he walked into the saloon?

Alright who shot my Paw!!!!


State Trooper pulls over an old lady for speeding......

TROOPER: Maam, do you know why I pulled you over?
Old Lady: No officer I don't
Trooper:You were travelling 85 MPH in a 60 MPH zone, you were speeding. Can I see your Liscence and Registration?
Old Lady: My Liscence - no you can't see it because I lost it three years ago for my multiple DUI charges - I had 6 of them.
Trooper: Well, can I at least see your registration?
Old Lady: No, I don't own this car, it belongs to my next door nieghbor. I stole it this morning from him.
Trooper: Ma'am, your telling me you are driving this car without a liscense or registration without your nieghbor's consent?
Old Lady: Well you could have asked the nieghbor if I asked him but he's hacked up in the trunk..... He wasn't so willing to just turn over the car to me.
Trooper: Ma'am can you wait right here I need to radio this in.(The trooper backs slowly away from the old lady in the car and immediately calls for back-up).

Within minutes five State Police cars pull up and surround the the stolen car. A senior State Trooper walks up to the side of the car with gun drawn and says.....

Senior Officer: Ma'am, are you driving this car without a Liscence?
Old LAdy: No Officer I have my Liscense right here (she hands him her Liscence).
Senior Officer: Am I to believe you are not the owner of this vehicle?
Old Lady: No I own this vehicle, here's the registration if you'd like to look at it. ( She hands him the registration, which is new and valid).
Senior Officer: Would you mind opening up your trunk so I can look into it? You aren't hiding anything in there are you?
Old Lady: No it's empty but you can look. (She pops open the trunk and the officer looks down into it and sure enough nothing is in there).

The Senior Officer scrathes his head and walks back to the driver side window with the original Trooper who pulled her over.....

Senior Officer: Did you tell this Officer that you were driving without a liscence, in a stolen car without insurance or registration who you had stolen from your next day nieghbor who you hacked up and placed in the trunk?
Old Lady: (Looks up at the troopers with a confused look and says) Why no officer but I bet this Trooper said I was Speeding....The Liar

:lmao: :lmao:









:reject:
 
BonosBaby12 said:
:lmao: YB those jokes are so bad that they are funny

Okay I'll add just one more - I hope I don't offend anyone's sensibilities with this one though :ohmy:


An usher in a Porno Movie Theater chuckled as he watched the elderly couple walk by and into thier seats. As the first feature film finished he noticed they were not getting up to leave and they were staying for the next movie. After that film was done they still were not getting up to leave the theater so the Usher walked down to them and said...........

Usher: Are you folks okay? We're getting ready to close the theater.
Old Lady: This was the most disgusting and indecent thing I've ever sat through.
Old Man: In fact it was not only disgusting and indecent, I'll add revolting to it also.
Usher: Then why did you stay so long?
Old Lady: we had to wait until the theater's lights came back on because I lost my panties and he lost his teeth...............

Ha-cha-cha-cha

I'll be here all week
 
A letter from Grandma:

The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience followed!

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! Jesus Christ, GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach". I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or someething. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing. He was enjoying this religious experience, too!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I atttended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.

So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!

Grandma
 
YBORCITYOBL said:


Okay I'll add just one more - I hope I don't offend anyone's sensibilities with this one though :ohmy:


An usher in a Porno Movie Theater chuckled as he watched the elderly couple walk by and into thier seats. As the first feature film finished he noticed they were not getting up to leave and they were staying for the next movie. After that film was done they still were not getting up to leave the theater so the Usher walked down to them and said...........

Usher: Are you folks okay? We're getting ready to close the theater.
Old Lady: This was the most disgusting and indecent thing I've ever sat through.
Old Man: In fact it was not only disgusting and indecent, I'll add revolting to it also.
Usher: Then why did you stay so long?
Old Lady: we had to wait until the theater's lights came back on because I lost my panties and he lost his teeth...............

Ha-cha-cha-cha

I'll be here all week

:lmao: please do come back! Tuwie that was a cute joke even though it was corny,lol,jk

Ok to be fair I will throw a really corny joke out there that I actually love,hehe.

What is red,green,brown and goes a 100 mph?

A frog in the blender!

Now everyone please withhold throwing virtual tomatoes at me :shifty:
 
Last edited:
BonosBaby12 said:


:lmao: please do come back! Tuwie that was a cute joke even though it was corny,lol,jk

Ok to be fair I will throw a really corny joke out there that I actually love,hehe.

What is red,green,brown and goes a 100 mph?

A frog in the blender!

Now everyone please withhold throwing virtual tomatoes at me :shifty:

fuck the tomatoes , how does a chair sound ?
 
tuwie said:
yeah, my jokes are of the corny genre ;] ;]

what's brown and sticky?




a stick! =)

That is one of my favorite jokes . . . ever! One day at work someone told me that joke and I laughed so hard for, so long that just thinking about it now years later makes me laugh!

Here's my contribution:

Two peanuts were walking down the street.
One was a salted.

<boom-ching>
 
Last edited:
Great thread idea! I've been laughing all morning!! :lol:

Here's my stupid contribution.

Hillary Clinton dies and goes to Heaven where she meets St. Peter. She notices that there are clocks everywhere. She asks St. Peter why are there so many clocks here. St. Peter tells her that each clock represents a person on earth and that every time a person tells a lie, the clock ticks off one second.

St. Peter explains that the one clock has never moved because it belonged to Mother Theresa and she never told a lie her whole life. The next clock belonged to Abraham Lincoln and since he only told two lies his whole life, only two seconds had clicked. Hillary asks, "Where is Bill's clock?"

St. Peter says, "Bill's clock is upstairs in God's office. He's using it as a fan."
 
A musician who's spent his entire life trying to get a record deal is feeling extremely depressed. He's been turned down by every record company he's ever contacted. No one can seem to recognize his unique genius. So, he decides to top himself and comes up with an ingenious plan to get back at all the record companies who've rejected him all his life.
He books time at a recording studio and instructs the sound engineer to record everything he says, every sound he hears and then copy it all onto 1,000 cds and send one to every record company executive on a list that he hands the engineer.

The guy walks into the vocal booth, the red light is on and he begins..."This is a message for all sycophantic, talentless, stupid record company assholes who've ingnored me all these years. I've dedicated my life to writing beautiful, emotive, soul-searching music and all you bastards do is discard my tapes, never return my phone calls and sign these ridiculous shit bands and horrible, no-talent rappers. Well, you bunch of morons, you parasites, you dumb pricks; I've taken all I can of your puerile, shallow industry and it's YOU who have driven me to this! Goodbye you fuckin' murderers of art!" With that, he pulls out gun, puts it to his head and blows his brains out. The sound engineer glances up and says, "Okay. I've got a good level. Wanna go for a take?"
 
Back
Top Bottom