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Old 05-30-2006, 03:51 PM   #91
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Six Feet Under The Sheets

Kathy was in bed with a man (not her husband). All of a sudden, they heard a noise downstairs. “Oh, my God, your husband is home! What am I going to do?”

“Just stay in bed with me. He’s probably so drunk; he isn’t going to notice you here with me.” The fear of getting caught trying to escape was more powerful than the thought of getting caught in bed with Kathy, so he trusted her advice.
Sure enough, Kathy’s husband came crawling into bed and as he pulled the covers over him, he pulled the blankets, exposing six feet.

“Honey!” he yelled. “What the hell is going on? I see six feet at the end of the bed!”

“Dear, you’re so drunk, you can’t count. If you don’t believe me, count them again.”

The husband got out of bed, and counted. “One, two, three, and four… By gosh, you’re right, dear!”
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Old 05-30-2006, 05:57 PM   #92
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i didnt even read through this thread but here is my joke


what is a boomerang that doesnt come back?

a stick

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Old 05-30-2006, 06:02 PM   #93
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Old 05-30-2006, 06:04 PM   #94
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boy1 : "Wanna Hear a dirty joke?"
boy2 : "Sure." *Giggles*
boy1 : "A white horse fell in a mud puddle. Wanna hear a clean joke?"
boy2 : "OK, i guess ..."
boy1 : "Then it fell in a lake."
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Old 05-30-2006, 06:05 PM   #95
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Re: Re: Re: First Annual Blue Crack Joke Contest!

Quote:
Originally posted by RedrocksU2


Remember..........only Blue Crack addicts will vote on the winner.
Such discrimination.
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Old 05-30-2006, 06:08 PM   #96
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A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!
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Old 05-30-2006, 06:10 PM   #97
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Re: Re: Re: Re: First Annual Blue Crack Joke Contest!

Quote:
Originally posted by WildHoneyAlways


Such discrimination.




As starter of this thread, I would like to add "I've Never" colleagues to be included as Judges in the voting!

Make it so!

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Old 05-30-2006, 06:10 PM   #98
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Quote:
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You KNOW I just won.
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Old 05-30-2006, 06:11 PM   #99
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Quote:
Originally posted by waynetravis
boy1 : "Wanna Hear a dirty joke?"
boy2 : "Sure." *Giggles*
boy1 : "A white horse fell in a mud puddle. Wanna hear a clean joke?"
boy2 : "OK, i guess ..."
boy1 : "Then it fell in a lake."








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Old 05-30-2006, 06:19 PM   #100
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think you can do better, Carlos?

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Old 05-30-2006, 06:41 PM   #101
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I know a "yo momma" joke.
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Old 05-30-2006, 06:53 PM   #102
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go on then

you might win yourself some itunes music!!

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Old 05-31-2006, 12:58 AM   #103
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Woman (Looking Into Mirror) : I feel fat and ugly, I could really use a compliment about now....

Man: Your eyesight is perfect
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Old 05-31-2006, 01:58 AM   #104
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What do you call a fly with no wings?













a walk.
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Old 05-31-2006, 04:11 AM   #105
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The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying hens.

One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess."

"What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher. "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!" "Very good," said the teacher.

Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, "don't count your chickens before they're hatched." "That was a fine story Sarah.

Michael, do you have a story to share?" Yes, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen. Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in the Gulf War and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."

Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Don't f#ck with Aunt Karen when she's been drinking."
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