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Old 05-27-2006, 12:09 AM   #46
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Originally posted by YBORCITYOBL
A mother and father tomatoe is walking thier child down the street when at last the father turns around and squashes his son.... Horrified the mother says why did you do that? the father says I was tired of telling him to......... Ketchup



Love it!
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Old 05-27-2006, 12:13 AM   #47
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This one was posted in another thread by Carlos and it's a really good one so I'm moving it over here, hope you don't mind RR


Originally posted by RedrocksU2
So, ... Donald Rumsfeld is briefing George Bush in the Oval Office.

"Oh and finally, sir, three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq today."
Bush goes pale, his jaw hanging open in stunned disbelief.

He buries his face in his hands, muttering "My God...My God".

"Mr. President, " says Cheney, "we lose soldiers all the time, and it's terrible. But I've never seen you so upset. What's the matter?"

Bush looks up and says..."How many is a Brazilian?"


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Old 05-27-2006, 01:11 AM   #48
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Re: First Annual Blue Crack Joke Contest!

Quote:
Originally posted by RedrocksU2
Ok, here's the deal, do you have a good joke?
Post it here and you will be in the running for a special prize.

Judging will be made by crack Addicts only.


The prize?

30 iTunes song downloads!

Good luck

(Special thanks to Elvis for allowing me to do this.)
So you and Elvis, huh????



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Old 05-27-2006, 02:13 AM   #49
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I might have to take a picture of myself for this joke to work, but I'll try using smilies for now

A man is doing a job interview, and so far he's doing splendidly. The interviewer has already decided he's going to hire him, but just for the heck of it asks him one more question.
Interviewer: Ok, just one more question. Tell me about something you've done recently that you just consider to be great or amazing.

The man thinks for a few seconds and then says, "Well, the other day I was out fishing in my boat, when I fell off and got my arm caught in the fan. My arm got completly sliced off. I grabbed it and got myself back into the boat. Using my fishing line, I sewed my arm back on, and got help."

The interviewer is in shock, " That's just...wow, I can't believe that. You've definently got the job."

The man stands up and goes Cool
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Old 05-27-2006, 04:35 AM   #50
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Quote:
Originally posted by RavenBlue
And now... some obligatory banjo jokes:


What did the banjo player get on his IQ test? Drool…

How can you tell if the stage is level? If the banjo player drools out of both sides of his mouth.

What is the definition of perfect pitch? Throwing a banjo into a toilet without hitting the seat.

Banjos are to music what Etch-a-Sketch is to art.

Tada!



now what is the difference between a banjo and a trampoline?

you put out your shoes before you jump on the trampoline
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Old 05-27-2006, 06:32 AM   #51
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3 guys stand at the top of a cliff and they're told, if they jump off and wish for something when they reach the bottom, they'll get it.
the first guy jumps and says "Money!", and he lands in a big pile of money.
the second guy jumps and says "Beer!" and he lands in a massive pool of beer.
the third guy slips and falls of the cliff and yells "Shit!".
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Old 05-27-2006, 02:14 PM   #52
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Ewww
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Old 05-27-2006, 02:23 PM   #53
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Originally posted by Merc
I think they also had a U2-joke with God and Paul McCartney (who has died and gone to heaven), and one about Bono and God in a boat... but I can't remember what site it was! Anyone know what I'm talking about?
I think I finally found the site - but now it's closed down (enjoyu2.com)!


But please, keep the jokes coming - they're great!
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Old 05-27-2006, 02:24 PM   #54
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A Russian, a Cuban, and two Americans, (a guitar player and a banjo player) were sharing a compartment on a train. The Russian in an attempt to impress the other passengers says, "In Russia we have so much vodka that we can afford to throw it away." He then throws a bottle of fine Russian vodka out the window. In a spirit of one-upmanship, the Cuban replies, "In Cuba, we have so many fine cigars that we can simply throw them away." And the Cuban proceeds to throw a box of the finest Cuban cigars out the window. Not to be outdone, the guitar player says nothing, he just stands up and throws the banjo player out of the window...
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Old 05-27-2006, 04:06 PM   #55
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A clown goes to the doctor

the doctor asks "what's wrong"

clown says "i feel funny"
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Old 05-27-2006, 05:53 PM   #56
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Two cows are standing in a field. The first cow says to the second cow: "Aren't you worried about mad cow disease?" The second cow says: "Of course not. I'm a helicopter."
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Old 05-27-2006, 06:18 PM   #57
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Quote:
Originally posted by bono_212
I might have to take a picture of myself for this joke to work, but I'll try using smilies for now

A man is doing a job interview, and so far he's doing splendidly. The interviewer has already decided he's going to hire him, but just for the heck of it asks him one more question.
Interviewer: Ok, just one more question. Tell me about something you've done recently that you just consider to be great or amazing.

The man thinks for a few seconds and then says, "Well, the other day I was out fishing in my boat, when I fell off and got my arm caught in the fan. My arm got completly sliced off. I grabbed it and got myself back into the boat. Using my fishing line, I sewed my arm back on, and got help."

The interviewer is in shock, " That's just...wow, I can't believe that. You've definently got the job."

The man stands up and goes Cool
it worked with the smilies
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Old 05-27-2006, 08:03 PM   #58
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Quote:
Originally posted by Carek1230
This one was posted in another thread by Carlos and it's a really good one so I'm moving it over here, hope you don't mind RR


Originally posted by RedrocksU2
So, ... Donald Rumsfeld is briefing George Bush in the Oval Office.

"Oh and finally, sir, three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq today."
Bush goes pale, his jaw hanging open in stunned disbelief.

He buries his face in his hands, muttering "My God...My God".

"Mr. President, " says Cheney, "we lose soldiers all the time, and it's terrible. But I've never seen you so upset. What's the matter?"

Bush looks up and says..."How many is a Brazilian?"


Now that's just frigging funny...

I'm still laughing!!
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Old 05-27-2006, 11:40 PM   #59
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So there's this pirate with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.

Trouble is, the pirate who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.

One day, it gets to be too much, so the pirate grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT,!"

But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.

Then the pirate gets mad and he and locks the bird in a cupboard.

This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the pirate finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran pirate blush.

At that point, the pirate is so mad that he throws the parrot into the freezer.

For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets very quiet.

At first the pirate just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.

The bird calmly climbs onto the pirate's out-stretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on. By the way, what did the chicken do?"
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Old 05-28-2006, 03:05 AM   #60
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A British company is developing computer chips that store music in women's breast implants.

This is a major breakthrough.

Women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
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