First Annual Blue Crack Joke Contest! - Page 2 - U2 Feedback

Go Back   U2 Feedback > Lypton Village > Lemonade Stand > Lemonade Stand Archive
Click Here to Login
 
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
 
Old 05-26-2006, 10:50 AM   #16
ONE
love, blood, life
 
Numb1075's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Tarrytown, NY
Posts: 11,382
Local Time: 02:27 AM
booo
__________________

__________________
Numb1075 is offline  
Old 05-26-2006, 11:16 AM   #17
Halloweenhead
Forum Moderator
 
Bonochick's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Cherry Lane
Posts: 40,816
Local Time: 03:27 AM

A letter from Grandma:

The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience followed!

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! Jesus Christ, GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach". I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or someething. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing. He was enjoying this religious experience, too!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I atttended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.

So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!

Grandma
__________________

__________________
"Knight in shining Zubaz."

Bonochick [at] interference.com
Bonochick is offline  
Old 05-26-2006, 11:20 AM   #18
Blue Crack Supplier
 
waynetravis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Hull, UK
Posts: 36,231
Local Time: 08:27 AM
^
__________________
waynetravis is offline  
Old 05-26-2006, 01:28 PM   #19
ONE
love, blood, life
 
BonosBaby12's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: East Coast girl living in Chi-Town
Posts: 14,889
Local Time: 01:27 AM
Quote:
Originally posted by YBORCITYOBL


Okay I'll add just one more - I hope I don't offend anyone's sensibilities with this one though


An usher in a Porno Movie Theater chuckled as he watched the elderly couple walk by and into thier seats. As the first feature film finished he noticed they were not getting up to leave and they were staying for the next movie. After that film was done they still were not getting up to leave the theater so the Usher walked down to them and said...........

Usher: Are you folks okay? We're getting ready to close the theater.
Old Lady: This was the most disgusting and indecent thing I've ever sat through.
Old Man: In fact it was not only disgusting and indecent, I'll add revolting to it also.
Usher: Then why did you stay so long?
Old Lady: we had to wait until the theater's lights came back on because I lost my panties and he lost his teeth...............

Ha-cha-cha-cha

I'll be here all week
please do come back! Tuwie that was a cute joke even though it was corny,lol,jk

Ok to be fair I will throw a really corny joke out there that I actually love,hehe.

What is red,green,brown and goes a 100 mph?

A frog in the blender!

Now everyone please withhold throwing virtual tomatoes at me
__________________
BonosBaby12 is offline  
Old 05-26-2006, 01:34 PM   #20
Rock n' Roll Doggie
ALL ACCESS
 
vaz02's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: manchester
Posts: 7,447
Local Time: 07:27 AM
Quote:
Originally posted by BonosBaby12


please do come back! Tuwie that was a cute joke even though it was corny,lol,jk

Ok to be fair I will throw a really corny joke out there that I actually love,hehe.

What is red,green,brown and goes a 100 mph?

A frog in the blender!

Now everyone please withhold throwing virtual tomatoes at me
fuck the tomatoes , how does a chair sound ?
__________________
vaz02 is offline  
Old 05-26-2006, 01:36 PM   #21
ONE
love, blood, life
 
BonosBaby12's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: East Coast girl living in Chi-Town
Posts: 14,889
Local Time: 01:27 AM
Even though I feel that remark was uncalled for Im going to remain silent. Im here to have fun like everyone else. Oh well!
__________________
BonosBaby12 is offline  
Old 05-26-2006, 01:36 PM   #22
Rock n' Roll Doggie
VIP PASS
 
YBORCITY's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: FLA
Posts: 5,146
Local Time: 02:27 AM
Quote:
Originally posted by Numb1075
booo

Tough crowd!!!!

__________________
YBORCITY is offline  
Old 05-26-2006, 01:37 PM   #23
ONE
love, blood, life
 
BonosBaby12's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: East Coast girl living in Chi-Town
Posts: 14,889
Local Time: 01:27 AM
^Got that right!
__________________
BonosBaby12 is offline  
Old 05-26-2006, 01:44 PM   #24
Rock n' Roll Doggie
ALL ACCESS
 
hiphop's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: in the jungle
Posts: 7,410
Local Time: 09:27 AM
Celine Dion walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "So... why the long face?"
__________________
hiphop is offline  
Old 05-26-2006, 01:50 PM   #25
Blue Crack Supplier
 
waynetravis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Hull, UK
Posts: 36,231
Local Time: 08:27 AM
three men walk in to a bar..... you'd have thought one of them would have seen it

__________________
waynetravis is offline  
Old 05-26-2006, 01:57 PM   #26
ONE
love, blood, life
 
BonosBaby12's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: East Coast girl living in Chi-Town
Posts: 14,889
Local Time: 01:27 AM
^ Who ever knew that Blue Crack had so many comedians
__________________
BonosBaby12 is offline  
Old 05-26-2006, 01:57 PM   #27
War Child
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: adrift on a breeze in Tennessee
Posts: 692
Local Time: 03:27 AM
Quote:
Originally posted by tuwie
yeah, my jokes are of the corny genre ;] ;]

what's brown and sticky?




a stick! =)
That is one of my favorite jokes . . . ever! One day at work someone told me that joke and I laughed so hard for, so long that just thinking about it now years later makes me laugh!

Here's my contribution:

Two peanuts were walking down the street.
One was a salted.

<boom-ching>
__________________
YellowKite is offline  
Old 05-26-2006, 02:08 PM   #28
Blue Crack Supplier
 
Thora's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Wishing I was on the beach
Posts: 34,116
Local Time: 12:27 AM
Great thread idea! I've been laughing all morning!!

Here's my stupid contribution.

Hillary Clinton dies and goes to Heaven where she meets St. Peter. She notices that there are clocks everywhere. She asks St. Peter why are there so many clocks here. St. Peter tells her that each clock represents a person on earth and that every time a person tells a lie, the clock ticks off one second.

St. Peter explains that the one clock has never moved because it belonged to Mother Theresa and she never told a lie her whole life. The next clock belonged to Abraham Lincoln and since he only told two lies his whole life, only two seconds had clicked. Hillary asks, "Where is Bill's clock?"

St. Peter says, "Bill's clock is upstairs in God's office. He's using it as a fan."
__________________
Insert something interesting here
Thora is offline  
Old 05-26-2006, 02:11 PM   #29
ONE
love, blood, life
 
BonosBaby12's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: East Coast girl living in Chi-Town
Posts: 14,889
Local Time: 01:27 AM
Thora that's one of the best yet!
__________________
BonosBaby12 is offline  
Old 05-26-2006, 02:15 PM   #30
Rock n' Roll Doggie
ALL ACCESS
 
hiphop's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: in the jungle
Posts: 7,410
Local Time: 09:27 AM
A musician who's spent his entire life trying to get a record deal is feeling extremely depressed. He's been turned down by every record company he's ever contacted. No one can seem to recognize his unique genius. So, he decides to top himself and comes up with an ingenious plan to get back at all the record companies who've rejected him all his life.
He books time at a recording studio and instructs the sound engineer to record everything he says, every sound he hears and then copy it all onto 1,000 cds and send one to every record company executive on a list that he hands the engineer.

The guy walks into the vocal booth, the red light is on and he begins..."This is a message for all sycophantic, talentless, stupid record company assholes who've ingnored me all these years. I've dedicated my life to writing beautiful, emotive, soul-searching music and all you bastards do is discard my tapes, never return my phone calls and sign these ridiculous shit bands and horrible, no-talent rappers. Well, you bunch of morons, you parasites, you dumb pricks; I've taken all I can of your puerile, shallow industry and it's YOU who have driven me to this! Goodbye you fuckin' murderers of art!" With that, he pulls out gun, puts it to his head and blows his brains out. The sound engineer glances up and says, "Okay. I've got a good level. Wanna go for a take?"
__________________

__________________
hiphop is offline  
 

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:27 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Design, images and all things inclusive copyright © Interference.com