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Old 03-08-2008, 08:43 AM   #706
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Originally posted by unico
saddo i think dalton is trying to make a point about th contradiction here between saying you wish you had friends, but then saying that one doesn't really make efforts to make friends.
It's just that to me, a lot of what I'm apparently meant to do to make friends sounds terrifying.

And I'm trying to avoid divulging too much because this is a public forum, after all.
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Old 03-08-2008, 08:43 AM   #707
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I don't think it's quite as simple as that, actually, but whatever.
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Old 03-08-2008, 08:45 AM   #708
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Sorry, I gotta run.

I don't mean to be a dick, but I work with people all the time who tell me that they want something, but when we talk about how to get that they say that they are unwilling to change to get it.

Who was it that said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result?
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Old 03-08-2008, 08:47 AM   #709
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I don't think it's quite as simple as that, actually, but whatever.

Really? What other force(s) is out there preventing Ax from making friends? If we spent the next several hours talking about this, I believe that we would all come to the conclusion that Ax has the power to change his situation. He is not deficient in any way. If he decides to make friends, he will.
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Old 03-08-2008, 08:50 AM   #710
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It's just that to me, a lot of what I'm apparently meant to do to make friends sounds terrifying.

And I'm trying to avoid divulging too much because this is a public forum, after all.
fuck yeah it's scary!!! i agree. putting yourself out there like that is very terrifying, in a sense you are leaving yourself vulnerable. but i've found in many cases it is worth the risk. some great connections can be found by doing so. that is NOT to say it works out every time. i've had my share of moments when i've felt awkward, out of place, and even unwanted. so, then i left. no obligation. i didn't have to go back. sure i came home, felt sorry for myself 'why don't people like me?'. i learned that i can't win everyones heart. some matches are better than others. eventually i just moved on.

i hope you do build up the courage and give it a try again. you're at a prime age where socialization is very important to your own personal development. hang in there. friends come and go, like waves. the ones that last forever are great, but losing close friends doesn't have to mean that you be alone forever.
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Old 03-08-2008, 08:52 AM   #711
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No, Dalton -I just can't think of anything being that simple. It's a fault of mine, and I think your last post was good at addressing what you were saying.

Sorry, I haven't been clear.
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Old 03-08-2008, 08:55 AM   #712
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Quote:
Originally posted by Dalton



Mia, you're just like me but with tact.

holla!!!
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Old 03-08-2008, 08:58 AM   #713
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Here's where the Internet has its advantage. Nobody here doesn't want to be here. People participate in threads like this because they want to be here. I'm sitting here talking to people like Saddo now because places we've wanted to post have often coincided and we've gotten on well. The same can't be said of a tute at uni. I don't want to bother some poor sod who doesn't want to be bothered, to delay them or intrude or anything. Of course, this is faulty logic because they might be worried about the same thing back to me, and when I'm reading and wishing someone would talk to me, someone might be thinking that "hey, that guy's reading cool stuff, I'd love to say hi but I bet he wants to be left alone". I recognise this. It doesn't mean my desire not to bother anyone is reduced, though. And now I feel bad because I think I've ruined this thread and should just shut the fuck up. Life's life. I'm more than capable of dealing with it, and I've said far too much here anyway. I'm normally not this bad, but fuck, the last month has been bad in so many aspects, not just friendship-wise, that it's hard to keep my head up sometimes.
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Ian McCulloch the U2 fan:
"Who buys U2 records anyway? It's just music for plumbers and bricklayers. Bono, what a slob. You'd think with all that climbing about he does, he'd look real fit and that. But he's real fat, y'know. Reminds me of a soddin' mountain goat."
"And as for Bono, he needs a colostomy bag for his mouth."

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Old 03-08-2008, 09:05 AM   #714
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a wiseman once said "you miss too much these days when you stop to think"
i try not to think...perhaps that gets me in a lot of trouble. actually, i really don't need to try, i really hardly think before doing things. i'm so bad at "thinking" that i have to either say something or write it down in order to process it.

but, you know, just try it. try not thinking for one day and see what happens. just don't end up in jail.

and you're not bringing down the thread. we can have heart-to-hearts here just as much as we can take the piss in here.

and you're right, this forum is different in that aspect. but i think it sort of encourages people to stay where they are and not do some bold and nonsensical things like going to talk to people. that's how things are initiated. think about how you became friends with some of your friends. it takes something, you know? someone has to make the first move.

social anxiety is more common than you think. if you approach someone my guess is that they're more likely to think "hey! cool! someone is talking to me" rather than "why is this guy talking to me?" imagine how you'd feel if someone approached you.
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Old 03-08-2008, 09:06 AM   #715
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No, you haven't ruined the thread, Ax. I thought I had because of my terrible ability at explaining how to socialize. Oh well, regardless - the thread's still here.

Anyway mate, you've kept your head up and you've done damn well this past month. Forget all this shit that's gone on, let's get back to the good stuff.
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Old 03-08-2008, 09:17 AM   #716
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alrighty i'm gonna go brave the snow and explore the city. i'm starving and don't feel like wasting money on room service. hang in there ax and i hope the both of you have an awesome day!
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Old 03-08-2008, 09:18 AM   #717
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Sign me up for Overthinkers Anonymous!

There's something to those Nike ads... just do it. Or something I saw on the back of a truck recently... "Feel the fear, and do it anyway".
(Those Mainfreight trucks are amusing sometimes.)
I won't even start on the wisdom my "quote-a-day" calendar at work has provided over the years...

I'm not taking the piss... hope it doesn't look that way.

Ax...

I'm hardly the most sociable person, but I've come a long way since I started Uni. I've also been lucky, and sort of fallen into the few close friendships I have.

Maybe try not disappearing so immediately after a tute and see if people hang around to talk about it?
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Old 03-08-2008, 09:20 AM   #718
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Anyway, I need to sleep...

Seeya folks
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Old 03-08-2008, 09:20 AM   #719
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Quote:
Originally posted by unico
a wiseman once said "you miss too much these days when you stop to think"
i try not to think...perhaps that gets me in a lot of trouble. actually, i really don't need to try, i really hardly think before doing things. i'm so bad at "thinking" that i have to either say something or write it down in order to process it.

but, you know, just try it. try not thinking for one day and see what happens. just don't end up in jail.
I think non-stop. I never take less than 30 minutes to get to sleep because I can't stop thinking. I analyse and I probably over-analyse. I think today I did some spectacular non-thinking though, like just going down to Stony Point for the hell of it. Or accidentally stepping off a train when it was about to leave and briefly delaying it after the driver had been so kind to me. I still feel embarrassed about that. I didn't think at the time but I've overthought the whole fucking thing afterwards. Not thinking is a double-edged sword, heh.

Quote:
and you're not bringing down the thread. we can have heart-to-hearts here just as much as we can take the piss in here.

and you're right, this forum is different in that aspect. but i think it sort of encourages people to stay where they are and not do some bold and nonsensical things like going to talk to people. that's how things are initiated. think about how you became friends with some of your friends. it takes something, you know? someone has to make the first move.

social anxiety is more common than you think. if you approach someone my guess is that they're more likely to think "hey! cool! someone is talking to me" rather than "why is this guy talking to me?" imagine how you'd feel if someone approached you.
I don't want this to be Axver's mope-a-thon though. Or to look mopey or depressed. I've wondered if I have some sort of serious social anxiety thing, and I really don't think I do. When I'm with friends, family, acquiantances, people I know - I'm confident, talkative, happy. I love having people around. Goddamnit I miss having Kate in my life so much. I was always happy when she came over and we'd watch TV, play Monopoly, and I'd cook dinner or whatever.

But yeah, someone needs to make the first move and maybe others want me to talk to them too. I know I'd be over the moon if somebody approached me and said hi. It is hard adjusting to a totally different social dynamic though - all my pre-existing friends are friends through convenient circumstance; my old flatmate, the guy who had a locker above me through all high school, etc. And all through high school and the couple of years afterwards, I was comfortable with this circle of friends. I'm the kind of person who will have just 3-4 very close friends and be very happy with that. But now we're dispersed, and here I am.
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Ian McCulloch the U2 fan:
"Who buys U2 records anyway? It's just music for plumbers and bricklayers. Bono, what a slob. You'd think with all that climbing about he does, he'd look real fit and that. But he's real fat, y'know. Reminds me of a soddin' mountain goat."
"And as for Bono, he needs a colostomy bag for his mouth."

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Old 03-08-2008, 09:20 AM   #720
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Random question for phanan: Am I going crazy, or is PT's Voyage 34 Phase 1 from about the 2:00 minute mark clearly referencing Another Brick In The Wall?
You're not going crazy. It's nearly identical.

I still need to hear the other three parts. I've never gotten around to it.

I phail.
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