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Old 05-31-2006, 09:38 PM   #1
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Father Figures

Published in the Toronto Star, September 28, 2002.

The following are not Monty Python sketch ideas. They are actual replies British women have put on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing father's details (for the state to track down child support payments):

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by (name removed). I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party (address and date given) where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you send me his phone number? Thanks.

4. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at (address given) mine might have remained unfertilized.

5. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad, as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the British economy. I am torn between doing right by you or right by my country. Please advise.

6. I do not know who the father of my child was, as all squaddies (soldiers) look the same to me. I can confirm that he was a Royal Green Jacket.

7. (Name given) is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs ?

8. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Euro Disney. Maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

9. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.

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Old 06-01-2006, 01:28 AM   #2
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#10 is my fave!!

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Old 06-01-2006, 11:36 AM   #3
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This would be funny fiction. It is sad reality.

#7 really struck me as sad.
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Old 06-01-2006, 12:59 PM   #4
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How timely with the announcement that Anna Nicole Smith is pregnant.....wonders who the child may look like???

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