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Old 11-09-2005, 02:52 PM   #1
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Everybody Hates Terrell

http://www.tsn.ca/columnists/james_duthie.asp?id=142482

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Duthie: Everybody Hates Terrell

TSN.ca Staff

11/9/2005

It’s the time of the year for mid-season replacement shows on all the networks. Coming this week to UPN, from the makers of the Chris Rock bio-hit Everybody Hates Chris, It's Everybody Hates Terrell, chronicling the early years in the life of Terrell Owens. We obtained an advance script:

Scene 1:
Hospital Delivery Room:

Doctor: "I see the head! Here it comes! Mrs. Owens you have a beautiful baby boy!"

Baby Terrell: "Damn right I’m beautiful! Did you guys see that move? I juked and jived so bad, that birth canal had no chance to slow me down! Now watch me shake off this placenta!"

(Baby Terrell straight-arms the nurse, leaps to the floor, moonwalks across the room, and back flips into his mothers arms)

Nurse: "Did that…really…just…happen?"

Baby Terrell: "Damn right it happened! You can’t cover T.O lady! Nobody stops Baby T.O!"

Doctor: "But…I thought babies only talked in really bad John Travolta movies?"

Baby Terrell: "Ain’t never been a baby like Baby T.O! So who wants Baby T.O’s first autograph?"

Doctor: "Hey…where did you pull that sharpie out of…Oh Dear God!"

Scene 2: Kindergarten Playground

Teacher: "Timmy, why are you crying?

Timmy (sniffling): "We were playing Duck, Duck, Goose and Terrell told me he was going to make me his b***h!"

Teacher: "Terrell, you get over here! I’ve told you a thousand times, don’t trash-talk the other children!"

Young Terrell: "Hold on teach, it’s my turn. Watch this! Duck…Duck…Duck…Duck…Goose! Just try to catch me sucka! No one catches T.O! See! I win again!"

(Young Terrell proceeds to do his latest Duck Duck Goose victory celebration dance, pulling a pretend rifle from his back and shooting a pretend goose from the sky.)

Teacher: "That’s enough Terrell! No more recess for you this week!"

Young Terrell: "That’s it! I want out! I want to be transferred to a new school! And I want them to cover my milk money!"

Teacher: "Terrell, you are five years old! You aren’t going anywhere except the principal’s office…NOW!

Scene 3: Principal’s Office

Principal: "Umm…Terrell…Who is the kid sitting next to you?"

Young Terrell: "That’s Drew from Grade 3. He can write! He’s my new agent!"

Drew: "Mr. Principal, I have complied a list of demands including new crayons weekly, unlimited Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups at snack time, and exclusive access to the big slide in the playground at lunch and after school."

Principal: "GET OUT!

(Drew runs from the room, screaming something about filing a grievance)

Principal: "Look Terrell. You apologize right now. Or you are suspended."

Young Terrell (sighs): "All right."

(He pulls a crumpled paper from his pocket)

Young Terrell: "I guess T.O is kinda sorry for…"

Principal: "Are you…reading a prepared statement?!?"

Young Terrell: "Hey…I AM! I can read! Another score for T.O! He’s done it again!"

(Young Terrell jumps on the principal’s desk and does his new "I can read" celebration dance: he flips through the pages of an imaginary book, mouthing the words to an imaginary audience, then bows, spikes the pretend book to the floor, and flexes.)

The Principal puts his head on the desk and sobs. Credits roll.

Next week: Young Terrell hold his first news conference after dominating a game of Red Rover. He promises to recreate the scene in a Right Guard commercial some day.
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Old 11-09-2005, 03:54 PM   #2
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Old 11-09-2005, 05:23 PM   #3
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I do not hate him. I don't think he's done anything worse than Michael Irvin or Randy Moss have done. The Colts' kicker Vanderjagt also openly criticized other team members, and it sparked them to improve. I don't think his comments were near as much detriment to the team morale than losing their best player at midseason.

TO had a hard childhood, he was bullied at school and called 'purple.' He lived with his grandma, and often had to literally run for his life on his way home from school and shut the door before he got his ass kicked on the porch. When he got famous, yeah, he got arrogant, and I usually HATE arrogant players, but I know he did it to shove it in the faces of his bullies, and it was funny. I feel sorry for TO and would take him on my team any day. If he criticized the QB, he must have had a good reason. He demanded to be traded from SF because Jeff Garcia sucked, he was right.
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Old 11-09-2005, 05:54 PM   #4
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Having a tough childhood does not give you licence to act like a first class asshole.
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Old 11-09-2005, 05:56 PM   #5
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Old 11-09-2005, 06:36 PM   #6
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Hines Ward grew up without a father and with a Korean mother who spoke almost no English and was never around becaue she had to work 3 jobs.

Charles Johnson grew up without a father, with a mother who was on crack, and was homeless for weeks at a time.

Both these guys turned out okay.

In hindsight, maybe the Eagles should have redone Terrell's contract. Maybe then he'd be rich enough to buy a clue.
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Old 11-09-2005, 07:26 PM   #7
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Originally posted by U2Kitten
If he criticized the QB, he must have had a good reason.
I could see this line of thought if it was only one instance, and then apologised afterwards. Lots of players have done that, apologised, and the whole thing's blown over.

Repeated rips at the team's QB over the course of nearly an entire year is something completely different.

Before this whole ordeal, I was one of the few who actually really liked Terrell and stuck up for him all the time. I usually HATE arrogant asshole players, but Terrell actually has the skills to back up what he said. But this time he's taken it too far, and destroyed his own career in the process. It's a damn shame, too, for someone with his skills.
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Old 11-09-2005, 08:07 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally posted by U2Kitten
I do not hate him. I don't think he's done anything worse than Michael Irvin or Randy Moss have done. The Colts' kicker Vanderjagt also openly criticized other team members, and it sparked them to improve. I don't think his comments were near as much detriment to the team morale than losing their best player at midseason.

TO had a hard childhood, he was bullied at school and called 'purple.' He lived with his grandma, and often had to literally run for his life on his way home from school and shut the door before he got his ass kicked on the porch. When he got famous, yeah, he got arrogant, and I usually HATE arrogant players, but I know he did it to shove it in the faces of his bullies, and it was funny. I feel sorry for TO and would take him on my team any day. If he criticized the QB, he must have had a good reason. He demanded to be traded from SF because Jeff Garcia sucked, he was right.
Garcia Had a few pro bowl years, I think perhaps TO expects perfection out of his quarterbacks. Im not saying Garcia is great but he criticizes him, McNabb,oh yea.......

-He also criticized Steve Young. Super Bowl rings, mvps and super bowl mvps and a bust in canton do not sum up to something greater than TO's opinon So he must have been right there too.

-He also got into a fist fight with his new team's leader.

-He also signed a football and gave it to a poor disadvantaged kid wit.....oh no wait that would have been nice, no, instead he signed it and gave it to his agent as a celebration during a game.

-He sings "I want me some me" on the sideline

Your right he shoves it in the faces of his bullies. Im sure disrespecting his head coach Andy Reid is a way of getting back at a bully. Because Andy fits that mold. A tubby nerdy looking guy. If anything he was probably picked on more than TO.

TO was probably just as big an asshole then as he is now so he deserved to be picked on.

Im a huge 49ers fan and I remember him doing shit like this for years. So hes a dick.

Also No one said Randy Moss or Michael Irvin weren't assholes either. They have had clashes too you probably just don't remember.
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Old 11-09-2005, 08:47 PM   #9
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i've been defending T.O. all weekend... not because i think he's a good guy or because i feel sorry that someone called him purple i don't even know what that means.

and really... i haven't really been defending T.O., now that ya think of it... he's acted like a complete douche.

but... he's ALWAYS acted like a douche. he was a complete douche in san francisco. everyone knew he was a complete douche in san francisco. andy reid and donovon mcnabb knew he was a complete douche in san francisco... yet they both petitioned to get the guy into philadelphia anyways.

and now i have all these commentaters telling me that i should feel sorry for mcnabb, reid and the eagles? i think not. they got exactly what they asked for.
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Old 11-09-2005, 09:22 PM   #10
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Originally posted by TheBrush



Your right he shoves it in the faces of his bullies. Im sure disrespecting his head coach Andy Reid is a way of getting back at a bully. Because Andy fits that mold. A tubby nerdy looking guy. If anything he was probably picked on more than TO.
If you become the very thing you hate, that's not cool. But I do believe there is much more to this story than we know. Players, especially those of his caliber, are not just let go in the middle of the season for shooting off their mouths alone. I have watched football since I was a kid in the 70s and I have never seen that before.

Quote:
TO was probably just as big an asshole then as he is now so he deserved to be picked on.
From my experience it's never the asshole who gets it, everyone is afraid of him. It's the ones who are easy targets, easy to victimize, and certainly not anyone who might kick their asses back. It's not just being poor and having a hard life, he was tortured by classmates. Other black kids called him 'purple' becaues of his skin color, that is cruel. They used to chase him to his grandma's house to beat him up. That's how he learned to run so fast. It was a sad story.

Quote:
Im a huge 49ers fan and I remember him doing shit like this for years. So hes a dick.
I'm a 49er fan too, and I think it was hilarious when he did his stunt in the middle of the Dallas star. But I hate Dallas. If Irvin had done it to some other team, I'd think he was a dick. And he was, yes, I remember.


Quote:
Also No one said Randy Moss or Michael Irvin weren't assholes either. They have had clashes too you probably just don't remember.
Sure I do! The only reason my hatred for Irvin has waned is because he is no longer on the field acting like an ass. BTW, it was ironically Irvin who brought about the bad QB comment by asking him if Farve was their QB would they be undefeated, or something like that. He only answered, with no tact, what he really thought. He's dangerous, 'cause he's honest.

I also like the Vikes, and thought Moss was hilarious too. If you knew the story behind his moon, you'd understand. Dungy said that while he shouldn't have done it, he had to laugh, knowing why he did it. Dungy, many years the Tampa coach taking many trips to Lambeau, said that the Packer fans had a habit of following opposing teams to their locker room after a loss, leaning over the railing mooning the players and yelling out taunts. As a Viking, this pissed Moss off, and he wanted his revenge against the Packer fans. That moon was his payback.

Sadly, Randy has now turned to the dark side. Perhaps TO can join him in Oakland.
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Old 11-09-2005, 09:27 PM   #11
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If you and he were working side by side in an assembly plant, would you want this malcontent by your side????
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Old 11-09-2005, 09:30 PM   #12
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I'm such a nonconformist and malcontent myself, we'd probably get along, go have lunch together and bitch about the ignorance of the boss and the ineptitude of the other workers. He is the kind who might just get pissed off and go postal!
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Old 11-09-2005, 10:23 PM   #13
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well, that's honest...
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Old 11-09-2005, 10:39 PM   #14
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i always thought T.O was just twisting screws and not really serious, but over the weekend his interviews made me realize he is really not living in reality. he went on and on about how nobody threw him an on-field party for his 100th TD catch.
then, the next thing you know, i watched curtis martin get his 100th rushing TD this past weekend and put his head down and run off the field, no bells or whistles needed. that is the way a classy man acts. i mean, you are getting paid loads of money to play for a TEAM. it's not all about you all the time T.O. i don't know, i just don't like terrell anymore now that i kow he's not just acting like a jerk, he actually really is one!
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Old 11-09-2005, 10:41 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally posted by U2Kitten

If you become the very thing you hate, that's not cool. But I do believe there is much more to this story than we know. Players, especially those of his caliber, are not just let go in the middle of the season for shooting off their mouths alone. I have watched football since I was a kid in the 70s and I have never seen that before.
Maybe the fact that he got into a fight with his teammates had something to do with it. Or that he pulled this same crap in training camp. The guy is the worst form of cancer out there. I don't care what type of upbringing he had, he's still an ass. It's only fitting that the biggest jackass player out there has the biggest jackass agent in Drew Rosenhaus.
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