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Old 06-06-2005, 08:02 PM   #1
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Eddie Izzard !!!

Personally I think he's the funniest guy on the planet! Can't believe that there has never been a thread about him! For those that are going he's a British stand-up comic who wears women's clothes. Yes, he is a self proclaimed and proud transvestite. But you get over the initial shock pretty soon after you discover how damn funny he is. He jokes about everything from popular culture, history, mythology, world events, current affairs to everyday things like lawnmowers, showers, toasters, grandmothers and jam! lots and lots of jam covering the earth completely!

Quotes
1. I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.

2. If you're choking in a restaurant you can just say the magic words, "Heimlich maneuver," and all will be well. Trouble is, it's difficult to say "Heimlich maneuver" when you're choking to death.

3. We stole countries! That's how you build an empire. We stole countries with the cunning use of flags! Sail halfway around the world, stick a flag in. "I claim India for Britain." And they're going, "You can't claim us. We live here! There's five hundred million of us." "Do you have a flag?" "We don't need a flag, this is our country you bastard!"

4. I like my coffee like I like my women...in a plastic cup.

5. Horseshoes are lucky. Horses have four bits of lucky nailed to their feet. They should be the luckiest animals in the world. They should rule the country. They should win all their horse races, at least. "In the fifth race today, every single horse was first equal...one horse threw a shoe came in third...the duck was ninth...and five ran."

6. My father was a beekeeper before me, his father was a beekeeper. I want to follow in their footsteps. And their footsteps were like this. (Runs screaming) AAAAAAAH! I'm covered in beeeeees!

If this is new to you, go out and get 'Dress To Kill' on DVD now!
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Old 06-06-2005, 08:04 PM   #2
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I HIM!
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Old 06-06-2005, 08:05 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally posted by MissVelvetDress_75
I HIM!
Which ones have you seen?
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Old 06-06-2005, 08:17 PM   #4
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I like him alot but I think those quotes you posted were awful.
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Old 06-06-2005, 08:21 PM   #5
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Dressed to Kill is a classic comedy special. I have seen it so many times and I never get tired of it. I would like to see some of his other specials but they are difficult to get ahold of.

We have had cake or death threads at one of the other forums I frequent.
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Old 06-06-2005, 08:36 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally posted by Palace_Hero
I like him alot but I think those quotes you posted were awful.
then why don't you post some, mr. hero!

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Old 06-06-2005, 10:19 PM   #7
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I adore him.
I wish I looked that good in heels.
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Old 06-07-2005, 02:39 PM   #8
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Eddie rules!

*goes to find quotes*
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Old 06-07-2005, 05:42 PM   #9
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Okay, I'll post some more quotes then if nobody else will...

I saw something in a program on something in Miami, and they were saying, "We've redecorated this building to how it looked over 50 years ago!" And people were going, "No, surely not, no. No one was alive then!"

And the National Rifle Association says that, "Guns don't kill people, people do," but I think the gun helps, you know? I think it helps. I just think just standing there going, "Bang!" That's not going to kill too many people, is it? You'd have to be really dodgy on the heart to have that.

Guns don't kill people, people do, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun).

I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less.

So my choice is 'Or Death?' (this is of course only funny if you've seen the 'Cake or Death' sequence)

So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then President Clinton lied about a relationship, and everyone was surprised! A little naive, I feel!

There's a huge hole in the whole Flood drama, because anything that could float or swim got away scot-free, and it was the idea to wipe out everything, He didn't say, "I will kill everything, except the floating ones and the swimming ones, who will get out due to a loophole."

Of course these are even funnier while you're watching him perform
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Old 06-08-2005, 05:56 PM   #10
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I love Eddie!


My friends and I used to go around saying to each other:

You're a plumber? What on EARTH is that?


In the "Eddie" voice, though


Gah. I should watch that again...

I wish more of his releases were available in the US
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Old 06-09-2005, 03:31 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally posted by hippy
[B]I love Eddie!


My friends and I used to go around saying to each other:

You're a plumber? What on EARTH is that?


In the "Eddie" voice, though

What about this one?

Jeezy Creezy, what on earth is that?

Quote:
Originally posted by hippy


I wish more of his releases were available in the US
I think pretty much everything except for 2003's Sexie is now available in the US... Dress to Kill, Glorious, Definite Article, Unrepeatable and Circle. Check Amazon.com.
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Old 06-09-2005, 04:05 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally posted by Zootlesque



What about this one?

Jeezy Creezy, what on earth is that?


Don't take my name in vain, Dad!

God... who is James Mason...



Quote:
I think pretty much everything except for 2003's Sexie is now available in the US... Dress to Kill, Glorious, Definite Article, Unrepeatable and Circle. Check Amazon.com.
Rock on! I haven't checked in awhile and it's nice to see that prices have come down for these



It's more of a gesture at the moment...
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Old 06-09-2005, 05:32 PM   #13
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Eddie Izzard is a god or goddess - however you want to look at it.

Very sexy and even funnier than he is sexy! More quotes:

"Performing enhancing drugs are banned in the Olympics. Ok, we can swing with that. But performance debilitating drugs should not be banned. Smoke a joint and win the hundred meters, fair play to you. That's pretty damn good. Unless someone's dangling a Mars bar off in the distance."

"I am a professional transvestite, so I can run about in heels and not fall over. Cause if a woman falls over wearing heels, that’s embarrassing. But if a bloke falls over wearing heels, you have to kill yourself. It’s the end of your life."
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Old 06-09-2005, 06:22 PM   #14
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He's a DONUT... it's the SLANG!



Thank you for flying Church of England, cake or death?


The president of Burundi...





I can recite this whole show in my sleep
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Old 06-09-2005, 07:14 PM   #15
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Oh my God.... you're killing me here.

*Thank you for flying Church of England, cake or death?*




edit: It's a slang!

He's a fuckin' donut.... a fuckin' donut

Fuckin' donut......

I am a Hamburger, a Frankfurter and a Donut! *JFK*
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