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Old 06-09-2005, 07:49 PM   #16
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Helga, Helga wake up!
What is it Dr. Heimlich? You're waking up die person!
I have invented a maneouvre!


You killed a hundred thousand people? Your diary must look odd... death, death, death, death, lunch, death, afternoon tea


The Protestant Reformation:

Hang on a minute! But he was German so it was "Ein minuten biter... einen klienen problemo avec diser religione" He was from everywhere!


On snowboarding:

There are two positions in snowboarding... one is looking cool. The other is DEAD!




I could do this all night....
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Old 06-10-2005, 12:58 PM   #17
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Bees make honey? We've known this since we were kids, so we take it for granted. But bees are insects - furry body, red, not red!... yellow, and black stripy, hairy leggy, big ears ... big eyes! - big ears as well, but they leave them behind when they go out ... (got out of that one) - medium size wings ... You know - they're buzzy things, you know, and they make honey?! Which is in your morning, on your breakfast toastie, in a jar, kind of - how do they do make that? I mean ... do earwigs make chutney? Do spiders make gravy? What is going on?
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Old 06-10-2005, 01:02 PM   #18
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owner 'cat, are you drilling behind that sofa?'
cat 'me? drilling? ...nooo, ...im a cat... how would I know how to drill? ...oooh thats purring your thinking of,.. yes, purring, im having a good old purr back here....'
owner 'oh... okay then'
(cat pulls down goggles, and carries on drilling)
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Old 06-10-2005, 01:08 PM   #19
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eddie izzard is hilarious. if you have only seen dress to kill, see circle (not as good, but the opening 20 min is great) and glorious (i'm in the minority, but i think some of this is as good as his classic dress to kill).

but the best was seeing izzard live on the sexie tour in nyc. very frustrating that this dvd is not available in the US. does anyone know when it will be? perhaps not until he tours again?

thanks!

i mean, ciao.....
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Old 06-10-2005, 03:34 PM   #20
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Bees make honey? We've known this since we were kids, so we take it for granted. But bees are insects - furry body, red, not red!... yellow, and black stripy, hairy leggy, big ears ... big eyes! - big ears as well, but they leave them behind when they go out ... (got out of that one) - medium size wings ... You know - they're buzzy things, you know, and they make honey?! Which is in your morning, on your breakfast toastie, in a jar, kind of - how do they do make that? I mean ... do earwigs make chutney? Do spiders make gravy? What is going on?



I love the "pollen" dance he does! "Brian, where's the pollen?"
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Old 06-10-2005, 03:36 PM   #21
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ciao.....

I'm the Pope, I'm head of the Catholic church, I... ciao.


I'm so watching Eddie tonight!
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Old 06-10-2005, 05:25 PM   #22
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I'm so watching Eddie tonight!


Maybe I will too.


By the way... flaxjm: I love Glorious too, as much or sometimes even more than Dress to Kill. So you're not alone. It really depends but many times I've laughed harder watching Glorious.

Everyone had big beards, big fuckoff beards in the Old Testament, and the deep voices, (deeply and sternly) “Oh, I say to you… And the lights, and the clouds, and the chariot, and the burning bush… Oh, beard on fire! Shit!” (runs away) Into the Dead Sea… (sizzling sound) “Oh, a goatee!” Even the dogs in the Old Testament, big beards, (sternly) “Woof, woof, I say to you. A biscuit? Thank you.” In English comic books, “woof woof;” in French comic books, “ouaf, ouaf.”

Have you guys seen this website by the way? It has the entire Glorious transcript!

http://www.auntiemomo.com/cakeordeat...ranscript.html
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Old 06-10-2005, 07:58 PM   #23
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Ah, there are too many!

Some of my favorites:

I was gonna be in the army...

They only have that nighttime look and that's a bit slapdash! But they're missing a HUGE opportunity here... cause we all know, one of the main elements of attack is the element of surprise. And what could be more surprising than the First Battalion, Transvestite Brigade, Airborne wing? Parachuting into dangerous territory with fantastic makeup, and a fantastic gun!



There's five hundred million of us!
Do you have a flag?


ENGLEBERT HUMPERDINCK!


I can't get the fuckin' trees... damn, I will kill everyone in the world!

We need the Falkland Islands... for strategic sheep purposes!


I didn't do it! I was dead at the time! I was on the moon with Steve...


And they built Stonehenge. One of the biggest Henges in the world!


Holy Ghost, this is not an episode of Scooby Doo.
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Old 06-10-2005, 08:17 PM   #24
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Does anyone want a cup of coffee?

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Old 06-10-2005, 08:27 PM   #25
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Does anyone want a cup of coffee?

*thinks* sex is on, yeah?


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Old 06-10-2005, 08:29 PM   #26
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I didn't do it! I was dead at the time! I was on the moon with Steve...

And they built Stonehenge. One of the biggest Henges in the world!

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Old 06-11-2005, 02:14 AM   #27
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Holy Ghost, this is not an episode of Scooby Doo.
LMFAO
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Old 06-11-2005, 02:17 AM   #28
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And there’s others like taxidermist! You can’t just go, “Oh, I was just working at the chip shop, and I just started stuffing animals with sand,” you know? You’ve gotta want to be! “I want to be a taxidermist! I wanna fill animals with sand. (mimes stuffing an animal) I wanna get more sand into an animal than anybody has ever bloody got in one. I wanna fill a rat with the entire Gobi Desert, so it’s really quite tight.”

They should put more things in, not just sand, that gets boring. “Porridge, I’m doing this one with porridge!” (mimes stapling the stuffed animal shut) Staple gun…

“I’ve done your dog, it’s is finished. I filled it with porridge.” (flop)

“It’s a bit floppy…”

“Yeah, that’s porridge to you, you know? You’ve got a two-level effect.”

“I’ve got nine-level effect.”

“Yeah, I’ve done your cat – he’s with helium.” (mimes holding the cat as a balloon over his head)

“It’s a bit high up…”

“Yeah, that’s helium, friend. There’s no height restriction.” (mimes pulling on string) “Here.” (lets go of string and catches it again) “If you grab it, you’ve got two controls.”

“Oh,yeah, I see it!”

And the cat is going (mimes balloon losing air), with that fixed expression…

Picasso, he should have been a taxidermist!

“I’ve done your dog. It’s got nine eyes down the side, I made his head all square, 15 legs. What do you think of that?”

“Fido looks a bit weird.”
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Old 06-11-2005, 08:15 AM   #29
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“I’ve done your dog. It’s got nine eyes down the side, I made his head all square, 15 legs. What do you think of that?”

“Fido looks a bit weird.”




For some reason, that reminds of the whole "vacuum" thing...

Was that a piece of grit? Or the TREASURE OF THE SIERRA MADRE?
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Old 06-11-2005, 08:55 AM   #30
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Hod-d-d-d-d
Hod-d-d-d-d
Hod-d-d-d-d
Hod-d-d-d-d
Hod-d-d-d-d
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