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Old 12-13-2007, 09:24 PM   #1
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Diary Of A Demented Snow-Shoveler

Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveler

December 8 6:00 PM

It started to snow. The first snow of the season and
the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by
the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down
from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So
romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9

We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic
sight! Can there be a more lovely place in
the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've
ever had!
Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a
boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered
up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got
to shovel again. What a perfect life!

December 12

The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry-
we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on
Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much
snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see
snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such
a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14

Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The
temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything
sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed
up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is
the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and
buried everything again. I didn't
realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling,
but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish
I wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15

20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4
Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2
extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants
a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think
that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

December 16

Ice storm this morning. Fell on my behind on the ice in
the driveway putting down salt. That hurt really bad. The
wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very

December 17

Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go
anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to
pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but
stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I
should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to
her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe
I'm freezing to death in my own livingroom.

December 20

Electricity is back on, but had another 14 inches of
Snow last night. More shoveling! Took all
day. The snowplow came by twice.
Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said
they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're
Called the only hardware store around to see about
buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have
another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob
says I have to shovel or the city will have it done
and bill me. I think he's lying.

December 22

Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more
inches of snow fell today, and it's so cold,
it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes
to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I
had to use the bathroom. By the time I got undressed and
dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to
hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of
the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think he is lying.

December 23

Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0.
The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house
this morning. What is she, nuts?!!
Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She
says she did but I think she's lying.

December 24

6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke
the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I
ever catch the person who drives that snow
plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his hair and
beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he
hides around the corner and waits for me to finish
shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100
miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just
been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas
carols with her and open our presents, but I was too
busy watching for the snowplow.

December 25

Merry Christmas! 20 more inches of the slop tonight - Snowed in
The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate
the snow!
Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation
and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife
says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking
idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one
more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26

Still snowed in. Why did I ever move here? It
was all HER idea.
She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27

Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze;
plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he
only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.

December 28

Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. My wife is
driving me crazy!!!

December 29

10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or
it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever
heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30

Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now
he is suing me for a million dollars, not only for the
beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the
broken snow shovel up his rear end. The wife went home to
her mother.
Nine more inches predicted.

December 31

I set fire to what's left of the house. No more

January 8

Feel so good. I just love those little white pills
they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

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Old 12-14-2007, 09:08 AM   #2
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Old 12-14-2007, 09:18 AM   #3
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Old 12-14-2007, 01:35 PM   #4
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Old 12-14-2007, 01:50 PM   #5
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Re: Diary Of A Demented Snow-Shoveler

Originally posted by LemonMelon

Still snowed in. Why did I ever move here?

That makes two of us, Demented Snow Shoveller...
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Old 12-14-2007, 01:59 PM   #6
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Old 12-14-2007, 02:03 PM   #7
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I'll probably feel the same way after the Nor'easter this weekend.
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Old 12-14-2007, 05:50 PM   #8
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and you people think we're strange for enjoying our 40 degree bbq christmas lunches!
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Old 12-15-2007, 10:44 AM   #9
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Originally posted by Angela Harlem
and you people think we're strange for enjoying our 40 degree bbq christmas lunches!
I don't think you're strange at all! I miss the Christmas lunch braais...followed by cricket and/or rugby in the back garden. You can't play rugby in the snow. We've tried.
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Old 12-17-2007, 06:02 AM   #10
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I envy the guy.... I want snow! I wanna be snowed iN! why don't we ever get more than an inch of snow????
Originally Posted by GraceRyan View Post
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Old 12-17-2007, 01:55 PM   #11
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It's still funny, even though the first time I heard it was 15 years ago.
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Old 12-17-2007, 05:09 PM   #12
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Originally posted by Galeongirl

I envy the guy.... I want snow! I wanna be snowed iN! why don't we ever get more than an inch of snow????
You can spend winter over here! We could share the big mountain of snow in front of my house!
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Old 12-17-2007, 05:59 PM   #13
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Hahaha that was great!

Too much of anything is bad.
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Old 12-18-2007, 03:30 AM   #14
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Originally posted by Zootlesque
Hahaha that was great!

Too much of anything is bad.
I can think of things that would never get old....
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Old 12-18-2007, 01:41 PM   #15
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Originally posted by Galeongirl

I envy the guy.... I want snow! I wanna be snowed iN! why don't we ever get more than an inch of snow????
I'm with you. When everyone else gets snow we either get flurries or more likely 35 degree rain

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