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Old 05-09-2005, 04:21 AM   #1
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"Dear God.."

TO: GOD
FROM: THE DOG


Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a
dog? How often do you see a cougar riding round? We do love a nice ride!

Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the " Chrysler Beagle"?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic
energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?


Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.

1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box, although they are tasty.

4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

5. The sofa is not a 'face towel'. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.

6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.

9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello".

11. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.

12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.

13. I will not throw up in the car.

14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when we have company.

16. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.


And, finally, My last question . . .

Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?
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Old 05-09-2005, 04:27 AM   #2
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Re: "Dear God.."

Quote:
Originally posted by Angela Harlem
10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello".
Since when?
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Old 05-09-2005, 04:31 AM   #3
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Don't forget that a good dog must remember to not give mommy kisses after licking their butt.
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Old 05-09-2005, 04:45 AM   #4
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Old 05-09-2005, 04:47 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally posted by myusernamehere
Don't forget that a good dog must remember to not give mommy kisses after licking their butt.
I'd say not licking mommy's butt also deserves a mention.
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Old 05-09-2005, 06:47 AM   #6
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Up there with Stolen Body Parts Angela
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Old 05-09-2005, 06:53 AM   #7
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Old 05-09-2005, 03:02 PM   #8
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I always knew dogs prayed.
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Old 05-10-2005, 03:58 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally posted by DrTeeth


I'd say not licking mommy's butt also deserves a mention.
indeed it does.
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Old 05-10-2005, 04:23 AM   #10
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I will eat this dog
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