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Old 07-16-2002, 06:07 PM   #46
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I never have any problems w my sexxies
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Old 07-16-2002, 06:12 PM   #47
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Quote:
Originally posted by Peaseblossom
When you're left with no answers, even after just a couple of dates, the only reasons you can find are the ones you see when you look at yourself: I'm not pretty enough, I'm not skinny enough, I'm not funny enough, I try to hard..... And when you're the one-date wonder like I am, you have plenty of time to think about that stuff. And to quote joyfulgirl, "but when there are patterns or the beautiful, nice woman or man who 'just never meets anyone'--you gotta look deeper. If it's a pattern, it's probably you. "
Oh, but please be careful there...please don't take what I said in the self-deprecating, superficial way. It's almost never those things (too fat, too skinny, not funny enough)...it's deeper. It's the "deep down inside I don't feel I'm worthy to have a wonderful relationship" stuff or the "after what I saw as a kid growing up I just can't trust relationships." That's the kind of stuff I'm talking about...not, "I'm just stupid and ugly and why would anyone want to date me, yes, it must be me, not him." Okay, I just needed to pound that point home one more time because I really hope you're not going to beat yourself up some more.
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Old 07-16-2002, 06:13 PM   #48
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Pease, thanks for the response. The too nice comment was in part aimed at you, but more at women in general. It's something I've encountered a lot of .

As far as the too doting, too accomodating, I admit I'm a bit guilty of that, but I think I was also open about what I wanted to do, my likes, etc...(if it wasn't for me you wouldn't have seen U2 in concert! )

Anyway, I guess the thing that bothers me most is that when someone doesn't call or breaks a date, you immediately try to find some fault in yourself to explain why he's doing it. Sometimes things just don't work out. Sometimes the guy's a flake and doesn't want anything more than a few fun dates (asshole thing to do in my book, but still). It really upsets me that you would go so far as to poll me and others to see whether it was your kissing that turned him off. I know it's no boost to your self-confidence to have promising starts fall through, but I wish you wouldn't turn on yourself so harshly when things do go bad. If you're not pretty enough for him, then let him go after the models who have the "classic beauty" looks but lack in brains. If you're not skinny enough for him, then fuck him, let him go after the waif thin barbie doll figures with implants who eat 2 pretzels and feel full (note, not an attack on skinny people, just on some guys' picture of what is pretty). If you're not funny enough for him, well he hasn't heard you go off on the Snuggles commercial.

Who knows, maybe you do try too hard. Maybe you do get too eager when you find that spark that keeps you talking for 5 1/2 hours. I know I would - most people probably would. It's a pretty natural thing to get excited when things seem to be going really well. I wouldn't fault anyone for trying hard when they see something they really want.

I totally agree with She Is Raging. Try and put it out of your mind or even call him/email him and just ask him to be honest. Puts the ball in his court and should teach him a lesson in the process.

One more thing...
Quote:
I loved you before we were dating, I still love you now and I always will- there was no falling in or out- it just is. Kind of like the sky being blue or the weather in Oak Park being beautiful.
Wow. Another reason why you're the greatest.

Love ya tons.
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Old 07-16-2002, 06:15 PM   #49
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Quote:
Originally posted by joyfulgirl


Oh, but please be careful there...please don't take what I said in the self-deprecating, superficial way. It's almost never those things (too fat, too skinny, not funny enough)...it's deeper. It's the "deep down inside I don't feel I'm worthy to have a wonderful relationship" stuff or the "after what I saw as a kid growing up I just can't trust relationships." That's the kind of stuff I'm talking about...not, "I'm just stupid and ugly and why would anyone want to date me, yes, it must be me, not him." Okay, I just needed to pound that point home one more time because I really hope you're not going to beat yourself up some more.
Thank you thank you thank you for pointing that out joyfulgirl.
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Old 07-16-2002, 06:41 PM   #50
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Quote:
Originally posted by zonelistener


TOO NICE? WTF? See, this is the deal with some women - guys that are too nice don't win!
k...explaination to this.

women want someone who will answer truthfully to questions like the ever joked about "does this make me look fat?". we want someone who will be like "no, i think it makes you look too thin" or "uh...polka dots are just not for you." not "oh sure...maybe."

so i think my point is that we want someone who is assertive with his opinions, not just a yes-man.

zoner, don't worry about being too nice...you aren't. you are a fabulous balance, very objective.
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Old 07-16-2002, 06:47 PM   #51
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I think you are off a bit on this one Angel. I do not think I need to go into further detail here. But there are guys who are the complete opposite of what you described and do not lower themselves to this type of behavior and way thinking.
And I agree, but like I said... I hope to be proved wrong that's all. Of course there are nice guys out there, it's just unfortunate that I really haven't had the pleasure of experiencing one on a romantic level. I am not speaking for the entire male population, just from my own personal experiences. My apologies if I came off male bashing, because that was not my intent. I have an incredible father and awesome brother... I just hope one day i can be as lucky as my mom and sister in law.

*Still searching
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Old 07-16-2002, 06:47 PM   #52
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I would if I had his phone number. But after discussing this all day, I definately feel a little bit better. I may even allow myself some comfort food tonight.

Thanks y'all. Any other males out there..... please feel free to comment on the mental status of my friend who disappeared...
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Old 07-16-2002, 09:13 PM   #53
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Normal *hides from zoney and all other Interference nice guys

Zoney....I never said I didn't want a nice guy. I just don't want one who is all about "what do YOU want?" "what do you like?", etc. I've run into a few guys like that and it is a total turnoff. Also guys who try too hard to be the knight in shining armour. I would love to meet someone sweet and nice and caring and funny and all those other great things, but for now I think I ought to keep myself on the shelf. Especially because I have possibly the lowest self-esteem ever of anyone I have ever known. It's horrible.

Anyway, I hope you find what you're looking for Pease. Oh yea, and I think I want to date your friend (who posts here).
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Old 07-16-2002, 09:19 PM   #54
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Re: *hides from zoney and all other Interference nice guys

Quote:
Originally posted by LarryMullen's_POPAngel
Zoney....I never said I didn't want a nice guy. I just don't want one who is all about "what do YOU want?" "what do you like?", etc. I've run into a few guys like that and it is a total turnoff. Also guys who try too hard to be the knight in shining armour. I would love to meet someone sweet and nice and caring and funny and all those other great things, but for now I think I ought to keep myself on the shelf. Especially because I have possibly the lowest self-esteem ever of anyone I have ever known. It's horrible.

Anyway, I hope you find what you're looking for Pease. Oh yea, and I think I want to date your friend (who posts here).
Ahh! I used to be like that! I used to think that if I told a girl that she was beautiful a million times that all was good.

Then I learned that it's all about your actions and not the words you use.

Hang in there April! You'll luck out someday!
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Old 07-17-2002, 12:40 AM   #55
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Should this belong in Zoo Confessionals?

Quote:
Originally posted by LarryMullen's_POPAngel
Anyway, I hope you find what you're looking for Pease. Oh yea, and I think I want to date your friend (who posts here).
[Joey]How YOU doin?[/Joey]
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Old 07-17-2002, 02:19 AM   #56
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Re: *hides from zoney and all other Interference nice guys

Quote:
Originally posted by LarryMullen's_POPAngel
Zoney....I never said I didn't want a nice guy. I just don't want one who is all about "what do YOU want?" "what do you like?", etc. I've run into a few guys like that and it is a total turnoff. Also guys who try too hard to be the knight in shining armour. I would love to meet someone sweet and nice and caring and funny and all those other great things, but for now I think I ought to keep myself on the shelf. Especially because I have possibly the lowest self-esteem ever of anyone I have ever known. It's horrible.
i'm the same way, april...don't worry, you're not alone on this one...but then i feel guilty about having low self esteem and that makes things worse...

i need a bit of opinion or things will never get done....life is dull without good discussion with more than one point of view...i love getting into a heated debate about things....esp when i have a strong opinion about them......

*hugs* we'll make it!
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Old 07-17-2002, 10:57 AM   #57
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Re: *hides from zoney and all other Interference nice guys

Quote:
Originally posted by LarryMullen's_POPAngel
Anyway, I hope you find what you're looking for Pease. Oh yea, and I think I want to date your friend (who posts here).
Thanks, Dahlin! I'm gonna keep trying. And by the way.... DO IT! DATE DIEMEN! He deserves a good woman. He's the most incredible man in the whole world.... as long as you understand that I'm not going anywhere, you can date him.
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Old 07-17-2002, 02:10 PM   #58
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Gee, thanks for the go-ahead, Pease...but there's still that pesky little halfway-across-the-country bit. Kinda makes dating a bit tough, dontchya think?

Damn distance...
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Old 07-17-2002, 02:29 PM   #59
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Shit.

She could move. It could happen. You're worth it.
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Old 07-17-2002, 02:29 PM   #60
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Re: Re: *hides from zoney and all other Interference nice guys

Thanks, Cookie! Boy, I don't even think I realized how much I missed you till you came back!

Quote:
Originally posted by Peaseblossom


Thanks, Dahlin! I'm gonna keep trying. And by the way.... DO IT! DATE DIEMEN! He deserves a good woman. He's the most incredible man in the whole world.... as long as you understand that I'm not going anywhere, you can date him.

Woohoo! I've been given the go-ahead! Too bad we're on opposite ends of the United States!! That's another issue of mine. I never meet guys here who I like here, they're always too far away! Blah.

You're too sweet, Diemen.
[Phoebe]Hi, Regina Philange. Nice to meet you![/Phoebe]
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