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Old 08-30-2005, 12:05 AM   #31
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What's Small, Green and smells like a pig.........





















Kermit's finger.
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Old 08-30-2005, 11:12 AM   #32
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Old 08-30-2005, 11:13 AM   #33
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i love this thread.
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Old 08-30-2005, 11:21 AM   #34
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What did Jimi Hendrix say to the albino alligator?







Nothing..... he's been f*#kin' dead for years.... ya knob!
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Old 08-30-2005, 12:14 PM   #35
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boo!! get off the stage!
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Old 08-30-2005, 12:17 PM   #36
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sorry ...couldn't resist
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Old 08-30-2005, 02:19 PM   #37
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*forgive me ladies *

What do you get when you turn a blonde upside down?

A brunette with REALLY bad breath..

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Old 08-30-2005, 02:36 PM   #38
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Quote:
Originally posted by JessicaAnn
Why did the monky fall out of the tree?

Because he was dead.
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?

Cos he was stapled to the first monkey




Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?

Because he thought it was a game
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Old 08-30-2005, 02:41 PM   #39
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Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
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Old 08-30-2005, 02:42 PM   #40
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now ^^ THAT'S ^^ funny....
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Old 08-30-2005, 02:42 PM   #41
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"Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home."

"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. "

"Is it common?"

"It's not unusual."
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Old 08-30-2005, 02:43 PM   #42
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A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "

"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."

"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"

"No, because he's really heavy"
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Old 08-30-2005, 02:43 PM   #43
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My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in..
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Old 08-30-2005, 03:22 PM   #44
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these aren't corny, but really really funny.



The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you.



The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I'll put a very large blob of potatoes on my plate with just a little piece of meat. And if someone asks me why I didn't get more meat, I'll just say, "Oh, you mean this?" and pull out a big piece of meat from inside the blob of potatoes, where I've hidden it. Good magic trick, huh?



If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like "Hey, look. He's carrying a soldering iron!" and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, "That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice." Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink.
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Old 08-30-2005, 03:36 PM   #45
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Quote:
Originally posted by Laird/Bono
*forgive me ladies *

What do you get when you turn a blonde upside down?

A brunette with REALLY bad breath..

Is it bad that I find this really funny?!
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