can we have a corny jokes thread?

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What did Jimi Hendrix say to the albino alligator? :eyebrow:







Nothing..... he's been f*#kin' dead for years.... ya knob! :lmao:
 
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "

"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."

"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"

"No, because he's really heavy"
 
these aren't corny, but really really funny.



The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you.



The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I'll put a very large blob of potatoes on my plate with just a little piece of meat. And if someone asks me why I didn't get more meat, I'll just say, "Oh, you mean this?" and pull out a big piece of meat from inside the blob of potatoes, where I've hidden it. Good magic trick, huh?



If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like "Hey, look. He's carrying a soldering iron!" and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, "That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice." Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink.
 
Laird/Bono said:
*forgive me ladies :tsk: *

What do you get when you turn a blonde upside down?

A brunette with REALLY bad breath..

:shocked:

Is it bad that I find this really funny?! :lol:
 
We are a rare species :sexywink:

Corny joke: Why did the hedgehog cross the road?

To see his flat-mate :lol:
 
All the jokes i know are all to do with Northern Ireland:huh:

I must study this thread intently to learn from the masters as such:wink:
 
What happens when you get a vasectomy at Sears?



















Every time you get an erection, your garage door opens.



:der:
 
How does Bob Marley like his donuts?

Wi' jam in

(i think this one needs to be said out loud)
 
LJT said:
Honestly i expected better from an admin:tsk:


Yes of course, I should not to try to have any fun like anyone else.

I'll just go back to being the big bad mean admin now. Bye :wave:
 

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