Ask Lord Vader

[verte76]

Do you ever read? If so, what?

 

[Utoo]

1. You know that Empire is the best of all six films, right?

2. What was the size of the Super Star Destroyer compensating for?

3. What do you think about your daughter's "extra-curricular" activities:

 

[dudeman]

How do you poop?

speaking of poop -
do you like the yankees/george steinbrenner?

and finally -
what the fuck is up with figure skating?!

 

[Darth Vader]

It’s a wall that one sits in front of to aid procrastination.

The line “She’s my wonderwall” merely suggests that she inspires thought.

Oh OK.

 

[fly so high!]

Why didn't you recognize C-3PO? After all, you built him!

Yeah!!!.........How come!

 

[fly so high!]

And also!.......Between you and Chewbacca,who is taller? And by how much?

 

[Darth Vader]

Who knew you were such a flirt.
You couldn't tell by all the evil things you have done in the past.

And don't judge a Darth by the movies. They're mostly filled with lies, anyway. I love children and sandpeople, really!

Have you ever thought about wearing another color besides black? I think you should try the color red to match your lightsaber.

I do have a red suit, but that's only when I'm on the Executor on Life Day. Have to be a little festive, you know?

 

[Darth Vader]

You suit looks perfect as formal attire. What do you wear when kicking back on your Star Destroyer, or vacationing on Mustafar?

Usually one of my velvet pimp suits. But if I'm ever in the rare mood of not wanting to spend time with my ladies, then something soft and comfortable. I also have a couple old Jedi robes that I wear occassionally to mess with people's minds

And I haven't been to Mustafar in years, brings back too many painful memories. Literally.

 

[Darth Vader]

Do you ever read? If so, what?

I try to, whenever I can. My favorite books are: The Metamorphosis, Lolita, The Diary of Anais Nin, Crime and Punishment, and The Very Hungry Catepillar.

I tried reading one of those Harry Potter books, until I realized that J.K. Rowling clearly stole my life story.

 

[nbcrusader]

They say you can't use Force Lightning because, well, your arms are artificial. Are you sure you can't pull it off?

 

[Darth Vader]

1. You know that Empire is the best of all six films, right?

I'd like to think that was my best performance, save for the part when I had to cut off my son's hand.

2. What was the size of the Super Star Destroyer compensating for?

Hopefully not what you're insinuating.

3. What do you think about your daughter's "extra-curricular" activities:

Stay away from my daughter.

 

[Darth Vader]

How do you poop?

Like a normal person, duh. What did you expect, through a tube coming out of my ass?

speaking of poop -
do you like the yankees/george steinbrenner?

Psh, wannabes.

and finally -
what the fuck is up with figure skating?!

It hasn't been the same since Kristi Yamaguchi turned pro.

 

[Darth Vader]

And also!.......Between you and Chewbacca,who is taller? And by how much?

Me. Chewbacca is actually three Ewoks on top of each other and on stilts.

 

[Darth Vader]

They say you can't use Force Lightning because, well, your arms are artificial. Are you sure you can't pull it off?

 

[nbcrusader]

How thrilling was it to sense Luke's presence, when the Emperor could not? Did you want to take a shot at the old man right then and there?

 

[fly so high!]

Like a normal person, duh. What did you expect, through a tube coming out of my ass?

OMG!!! YOUR'E AN IMPOSTER!!!!!!

You CAN'T POOP! If you CAN'T EAT!!!

Your talkin' bantha fodder!

YOU............. YOU,YOU....NEIMOIDIAN!!!!!!!

 

[Darth Vader]

How thrilling was it to sense Luke's presence, when the Emperor could not? Did you want to take a shot at the old man right then and there?

It made me proud... and suspicious.

And I'd been wanting to dispose of ol' Palpy ever since I found out this gig also involved going on shopping trips and making midnight food runs whenever he wanted Alderaanian chocolate pudding or Cheetos.

 

[Darth Vader]

OMG!!! YOUR'E AN IMPOSTER!!!!!!

You CAN'T POOP! If you CAN'T EAT!!!

Your talkin' bantha fodder!

YOU............. YOU,YOU....NEIMOIDIAN!!!!!!!

You're not worth breaking my vow of "not Force choking anyone in this thread".

 

[Utoo]

1. Hey, Stormtroopers weren't clones in the original trilogy. But now that Lucas has f'd up the whole galaxy and made Clone Troopers clones of Jango Fett, now people are saying that Stormtroopers are also clones. What's the deal?

2. Don't worry, I'll definitely stay away from your daughter. All the coke she did in the 80s really messed her up.....
From this:

To this:

:shudder:

 

[Darth Vader]

1. Hey, Stormtroopers weren't clones in the original trilogy. But now that Lucas has f'd up the whole galaxy and made Clone Troopers clones of Jango Fett, now people are saying that Stormtroopers are also clones. What's the deal?

Oh they're still clones alright... but apparently the cloners didn't quite work out all the kinks, which could explain why they were able to shoot down all the Jedi in Episode 3, but have terrible aim Episodes 4 through 6

Unless they were aware they were shooting at the boss's kids... but that could only mean...

that Palpy was behind it all, as usual

2. Don't worry, I'll definitely stay away from your daughter. All the coke she did in the 80s really messed her up.....
From this:

To this:

:shudder:

Leave her alone. I MEAN IT.

 

[Darth Vader]

All right, who gave this thread 1 star?

Reveal yourself!

DON'T MAKE ME DESTROY YOU.

 

[RedRocksU2]

What's heavier a pound of gold or a pound of sand?

 

[SunBloc]

Darth - Alderan--Wasn't it overkill?
Ever consider anger management?
What are you inhaling under your helmet?
Anyone ever tell you that you look like the Tinman?

:runsandhides:

 

[dudeman]

1. what do you get the emperor of the galaxy for his b-day?
i mean, that guy's got it all, right?...

2. boxers or briefs?

3. do you like Kid A?

4. hear any good jokes lately?

 

[bono_212]

Did you really think Luke was going to get trapped in that carbonite?

 

[mdw3935]

Alderaanian chocolate pudding

Here's another question:

If you had the chance to be anybody else in the galaxy, besides yourself of course, who would you pick?


I'll give you 5 stars for this thread because you are my daughter's favorite in all of Star Wars land.

 

[Utoo]

Oh they're still clones alright...

Then why do the two guys chit-chatting while Obi-Wan disables the tractor beam have different voices? And why are they different heights (since Han & Luke clearly take different-sized suits)? And wasn't Han Solo a Stormtrooper before he became a smuggler? That's why he has the bloodstripes on his pants, right?

Originally posted by Darth Vader
Leave her alone. I MEAN IT.

Like I said, unless I can tweak the Force to go back in time, I won't be going anywhere near her present self.......

 

[Darth Vader]

What's heavier a pound of gold or a pound of sand?

Jabba the Hutt.

 

[Darth Vader]

Darth - Alderan--Wasn't it overkill?

That was all Tarkin's fault. What an asshole.

Ever consider anger management?

But my anger makes me STRONGER! AAAAAAARRRRRAAAAGH.

Or so they say.

What are you inhaling under your helmet?

Anyone ever tell you that you look like the Tinman?

:runsandhides:

 

[Darth Vader]

1. what do you get the emperor of the galaxy for his b-day?
i mean, that guy's got it all, right?...

A parade. And Tarkin jumping out of a birthday cake. Sheer terror for everyone else, but it keeps Hideous off my back for using the Executor as my pimpmobile.

2. boxers or briefs?

Commando.

3. do you like Kid A?

Radiohead

4. hear any good jokes lately?

Yes, but they're not appropriate for me to share here