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Old 06-17-2003, 11:58 PM   #16
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Dear agony ant:

What kind of medicine can you recommend for this mad-cow-disease-SARS-monkey pox epidemic that has plagued my bedroom of late? And is it bad if my brain is swelling?

-Blonde and Blue Eyed in Minnesota
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Old 06-18-2003, 12:07 AM   #17
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haha
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Old 06-18-2003, 12:09 AM   #18
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Dear agony ant:

Have you yet recieved the package I sent you? I've tried sending it several times. I keep getting it back. Is this still your current mailing address?

Agony Ant
Manitoba, Canada

Please forward your new address if it has changed. Thank you. These guns are going bad.

-Blonde and Blue Eyed in Minnesota
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Old 06-18-2003, 12:10 AM   #19
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Dear Agony Ant,

My teddy bear from childhood, Mr Beah, has developed several behavioural problems as of late. He is constantly out at the pubs, getting drunk and chasing ladies. He keeps trudging back to my apartment, and what with his being so cute and cuddly, and having been given me by my sister, I just can't turn him away. I've tried to show him a healthier way of life but he won't go for it. It's truly affecting him-- lately he's been calling me "Mr Miyagi" and muttering "wax on, wax off"

He won't go to AA and the so-called "doctors" at the hospital say there's nothing that can be done for him. I'm so very worried about him...yesterday he tried to go swimming in the toilet! Please help...

My Bear's gone bad!
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Old 06-18-2003, 01:02 AM   #20
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Quote:
Originally posted by Angela Harlem


Signed,
Crazy in Cooktown
lol...I'll answer you...its called STALKING...
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Old 06-18-2003, 03:47 AM   #21
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Dear Concerned in Canada: To quote the late Bertrand Russell, "I never saw a piece of ass I didn't like"(damned socialist). The meaning of life is a mysterious thing and you should consult your doberman further to read the entrails, as it were. To win back the friendship of your doberman you must dance naked under the cold moonlight. As Robert Frost once wrote, "life isn't meant to be easy, but your ass is mighty pleasing". Ask not what your dog can do for you, but what pieces of flesh you can give your dog.
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Old 06-18-2003, 07:33 AM   #22
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dear agony aunt,

what's a whortense?

best of luck to you
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Old 06-18-2003, 08:02 AM   #23
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Dear agony ant,

The newfoundland fishery recently closed indefinitly leaving thousands of newfs without work. This will ultimately lead to a greater dependance of social assistance which the federal government is not willing to completely handle. It is plain from this that the current government, though liberal, is not liberal enough. What actions can I, a mere base commoner, take to change the society in which I live?

signed,
A man who is confident in his sexuality
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Old 06-18-2003, 10:59 AM   #24
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just an update.

i gave my dog some dog meat and were talking again! it looks like things have turned out for the best! thanks agony ant!
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Old 06-19-2003, 11:10 AM   #25
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Agonizing Ant,

I need some advice.

Nothing specific. Just random advice.

Do you know the meaning of life?

Also, should I feel inferior for having about 700 posts in the span of 3 years as a member of this forum?
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Old 06-19-2003, 12:10 PM   #26
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Dear Agony O' the Ant,

Is beige really the new black? See, I weigh an astronomical amount and find that black is very slimming, With the right co-ordinates in black, I can achieve the Kate Moss look quite easily. I find however, with beige I just look like a giant stuffed mushroom. Do you think the stuffed mushroom look will ever be in? My tarot reader recommends I avoid salty foods and men called Geoff with large bushy beards. However, my friend Nancy says that my planets are aligning and now is the time to look for that tall dark stranger. Her chart says this weekend is the time, so we are planning a trip out to the Rebels Australia Motorcycle Club annual pig spit roast and brawl do at their local pub.

Should I wear the beige? We dont know any of these people and we want to make the right impression, especially if any are called Geoff.

Celestially yours,
Nova in Ningan
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Old 06-19-2003, 02:08 PM   #27
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well i can tell you this much, nova. guys LOVE floral designs in woman's tshirts.
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Old 06-20-2003, 04:14 AM   #28
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Dear Nubile in Nimben, black is the new beige and gray is the new way. As Malcolm Muggeridge once sagely observed, "my nipples explode with the light!" Clearly your biker friend Geoffrey will be on the lookout for black leather and spikes. To make the right impression you need only remember the words of Britain's first Prime Minister Sir Robert Walpole: "the citizens are revolting".
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Old 06-20-2003, 04:17 AM   #29
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Dear man who is confident in his sexuality, I sense ambivalence in your letter. You must lead a permanent revolution against the Man. To quote the late philosopher-king Ramses II, you must remember the great importance of killing the bastards.
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Old 06-20-2003, 04:21 AM   #30
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dear agony aunt

i challenge you to a duel.

yours
chevalier d'artagnan of france
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