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Old 07-21-2003, 12:49 PM   #1
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an open letter to elvis

dear elvis,

long time no speak. its been a while, where should we begin? it feels like forever.

allow me to fill you in with some of the more important details of my life.

last month, i went in for surgery to remove a tumor from chest that was deemed non-cancerous, but was best removed before something goshdarn silly could occur. the surgeon and nurses were delightful, at night i thought about sending them flowers, brownies and some special sauce.

i completed the novel '1984' in one week, two weeks ago, dear elvis. compelling, thought-provoking and at times earth shattering in its depiction of a future totaltariatariarain society. since my reading reached its conclussion, i have spent several hours replacing the main carachter of the book with i, and his love interest with you. dont worry, im not hitting on you, im just saying i replaced him with me and her with you.

have you ever thought about being in the same novel as i, dear elvis? i once read a book called 1984, and after its completion i spent a great deal of time imagining i was the main carachter and you were my love interest. have you ever thought about being in the same novel as me?

my baseball season came to a close on sunday, dear elvis. we were bumped out of the playoffs 3 games to 1. in the one game we won, dear elvis, i had three base hits! super! unfortunately, the season was not a memorable one, neither was last year. but as i walk away from the sport (im too old to play junior next year, elvis), i have lots of great memories to take with me as i walk through the valleys of my life.

i still dont have a girlfriend yet, elvis. i know weve talked extensively about this, and yes elvis, your input was appreciated. your advice rang true in my mind to be more assertive with potential love interests, but for some reason my luck has yet to change. i was in a bar a few weeks ago, and i approached a woman who appeared to be about my age and was dressed spectacularly in pink and blue. as our eyes met for the first time, i told her she was everything i ever needed, and that for her love i would look after her every need. that same night we made love six times, and afterwards, i asked for her name. we met once or twice more, made sweet love, but it just didnt satisfy me. im a man who needs not love maketh, but love in its entirety. i want to get married, im tired of these games, elvis.

roughly a year ago i met a couple in the south of france where we accompanied each other for a fine dinner in one of nice's finest restaurants.

ten times out of nine, you will find me on the outside looking in. elvis, i cant understand whats happening, i need help. the hospital refuses to admit me any more, and the morgue said i had to wait until i was dead. i just dont get it. i never asked to go these places, but friends keep relaying their messages to me. sometimes i feel unwanted.

wonderful news, elvis! its monday, meaning i dont have to work very hard. no sir, work is for the weak. haha, i bet you didnt see that one coming! haha!

well elvis, i just wanted to send you a letter - not a goshdarn rundown of my life! look at what ive done, im sorry about the mess.

listen, whenever you have the time, write me back. i wish you nothing but the best!

godspeed and good health!

sincerely yours,

~ted connors
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Old 07-21-2003, 01:16 PM   #2
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Nice is nice on a nice day.
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Old 07-21-2003, 01:25 PM   #3
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what a waste of space.
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Old 07-21-2003, 01:37 PM   #4
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We can no longer call Ted "junior." He's all growns up.
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Old 07-21-2003, 01:41 PM   #5
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Hey ZONEY
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Old 07-21-2003, 01:47 PM   #6
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MERGED --> an open letter to elvis + journal
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Old 07-21-2003, 02:09 PM   #7
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MERGED --> MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERGED (MERGED(MERGED))
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Old 07-21-2003, 02:22 PM   #8
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1984 is an excellent book
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Old 07-21-2003, 02:25 PM   #9
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Yeah, "1984" is a great book.
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Old 07-21-2003, 02:45 PM   #10
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dubya thought so too.
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Old 07-21-2003, 02:55 PM   #11
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dubya can read?
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Old 07-21-2003, 03:00 PM   #12
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correction, his dad read it. fine, his dad's servant read it. and then told him the jist of it. there.
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Old 07-21-2003, 03:05 PM   #13
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that's better. Fibber.

They modeled their forgein/domestic policy after it, yes?
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Old 07-21-2003, 03:29 PM   #14
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obviously. pffft, dumb question.

...
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Old 07-21-2003, 03:36 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally posted by ILuvLarryMullen
dubya can read?
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