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Old 01-16-2008, 08:47 AM   #76
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haha..was Alexis the one simon referred to as William Dafoe?
Yes!

That chick was way too bonkers!
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Old 01-16-2008, 10:07 AM   #77
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Temptress!
She made me cry, I just wanted to give her a big hug.

That "No Sex Allowed" dude made me laugh out loud. I wanted to hear the rest.
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Old 01-16-2008, 10:40 AM   #78
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American Idol-Philadelphia Auditions

Well, here we go. We’re back to the audition rounds on American Idol. The first audition city is Philadelphia, home of the Liberty Bell, the Philly cheese steak sandwich and my friend Marie.

After a brief history lesson from Ryan, we see the judges arrive at the auditions. It appears that Randy has grown a goatee, but has he grown his vocabulary beyond “pitchy” and “dawg?” I guess we’ll find out. And does anyone think Paula hugs people so they can hold her steady?

Onto the auditions...

Joey Catalano is the first to audition. He recently lost over 200 pounds! Wow! I’m impressed. He then sings Maroon 5’s “Sunday Morning.” Now, I’m really impressed. He has a sweet, soulful voice. This is a good way to start the show. Joey gets the golden ticket.

Yuka is from Egypt and he loves everything about America, especially American women that he wants to love from the head to the nipple. Hey, didn’t Borat say that? He sings the “Mr. Bee Gees” song “How Deep is Your Love.” Paula semi-lucidly tells him that he can’t sing. Yuka walks like an Egyptian, just not to Hollywood.

Melanie is a cute, appealing girl who sang back up for Taylor Hicks. She has decent pipes, but no “oomph.” I guess she’ll remain a back up singer.

James works as a tour guide. He also tells us that he sounds like Paul Robeson or Eddie Vedder. He sings “Go Down Moses” very, very slowly. Um, don’t put away your buckled shoes, James. Not surprisingly, he doesn’t get the golden ticket.

After a montage of bad auditions, we get the interestingly named Junot. Junot sings “That’s Why They Call it the Blues.” He has a good voice and is going to Hollywood.

Temptress Brown not only plays middle linebacker on her football team (hey, me too), she also has the very adult burden of taking care of her sick mother. I usually tire of the sob stories, but something about Temptress gets to me. She sings “And I Am Telling You.” However, she can’t sing very well and doesn’t get the golden ticket. Temptress begins to cry copious tears. Randy and Paula give her a big hug, and even Simon acts like a decent human being. I wonder if his heart just grew a size. Wait, does Simon have a heart?

Mark can do a cricket chirping imitation, but can he sing? After he butchers the classic “White Christmas,” we find out the answer is no. Mark’s singing is the true “War Against Christmas.”

Ugee (?) works in finance and entertains his coworkers by dressing up like MC Hammer. Yea, that will get the kids interested, back in 1991. Ugee sings “My Way.” Ugee’s stock goes way down, and he isn’t going to Hollywood.

Now we are treated to a montage of contestants singing “I Love Rock and Roll” Judging from the costumes many of them are wearing, I think most of them love trick or treating.

Alexis “Victorious” Cohen claims to walk to the beat of another drummer. She also claims to be 23 years old. Yea, back in 1989. Though Alexis is studying to be a vet, she also wants to sing. She auditions with “Somebody to Love.” Well, she’s loud but she’d probably better off fronting a rock cover band. The judges don’t give her give a golden ticket. This doesn’t sit well with Alexis, so she’s going to try “actressing.” Somewhere Amy Winehouse is watching the Alexis and saying, “Bloody %@!#, turn it down a notch.”

Angela Martin has a disabled daughter named Jessica. She also has an incredibly supportive family. Angela is very cute and she sings with band. She sings “Signed, Sealed and Delivered.” She has warmth to her voice, but as Simon aptly put it, she needs to “de-wedding-ize” her performing skills. I agree. However, she is going to Hollywood. But to be honest, when I heard the name Angela Martin, I expected a small, judgmental blonde accountant who works for Dunder-Mifflin in Scranton.

After Elyse sings “Feelin’ Good,” my ear drums aren’t feelin’ so good.

Milo Turk borrowed a vest from Fred Flintstone. And at 39, he didn’t quite get the memo that he’s too old for American Idol. Milo auditions with a scary song called, “No Sex Allowed.” And now you know why abstinence education doesn’t work.

Kristy Lee lives in a log cabin and trains for cage fighting. She sold a horse to make it to the auditions. She sings “Amazing Grace” and sounds, well, amazing. She’s very pretty and likable, and I’m sure the judges see a bit of Carrie Underwood in her. Kristy Lee is going to Hollywood.

Ben comes in wearing a Princess Leia harem costume under his cape. Paula is totally grossed out by his hairy chest, so Ben leaves to get rid of it. He’ll be back. Lucky us.

We get another montage of bad singers including a hooker who apparently just got off her shift.

Paul comes in and tells us he wrote a love song for Paula. His song isn’t so much a love song as it is a stalker song. I am totally creeped out, but I do want to work “Peter Falk-her” into my everyday conversation.

Beth sings at clubs after taking care of her kids during the day. She even put out an album as a child because that’s what we all do at four years old. She sings “Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered.” She sings quite well, but she seems a bit affected. Simon isn’t too thrilled with Beth, but Randy and Paula give her the okay. She’s going to Hollywood.

Oh, yippee!. Ben is back and this time with a waxed chest. “Dontcha” wish he wouldn’t have wasted our time?

Chris is very cute, and has eclectic taste in music. He sings “Follow Me” and really impresses me with both his voice and his cool confidence. I’ll keep my eye out for him during the Hollywood rounds. At least he’ll be some eye candy.

Christina is Princess Leia, if Princess Leia shopped at Hot Topic. Just what is it with all the Star Wars freaks? The force is not with her when she sings “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me.” Or as Yoda would say, “Bad singer, you are.”

Brooke is our final hopeful in the city of brotherly love. She’s never seen a rated R movie, but I’m not going to hold that against her. She sings “Like a Star.” Her voice has a very inviting, soothing quality. Beth gets a golden ticket.

At the end of two trying days in Philadelphia, 29 people are going to Hollywood. And Christina, the Star Wars Freak, won’t shut up. Still, it wasn’t that bad of a show. Sure, there were a few head cases, but I also saw some real talent. And Ryan got a new handbag! Now if I could just get that Bon Jovi song “Allentown” out of my head. Snerk.

Next are the Dallas auditions.
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Old 01-16-2008, 11:02 AM   #79
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Alexis
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Old 01-16-2008, 11:07 AM   #80
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I only watched the first hour...but Temptress made me want to hug her too. Those were big ol' tears rolling down her cheeks!
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Old 01-16-2008, 11:13 AM   #81
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That was brilliant. I LOL'ed many a time. Well done!
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Old 01-16-2008, 12:01 PM   #82
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Man, if the "Go Down Moses" guy hadn't been talking before singing, I would have assumed he was mentally disabled, based on how he sang. WOW.

And Princess Leia ... oh, girl. You know, she has a point, with how they do tend to pick the shiny pretty pop princesses, and it would be great if they branched out a bit. But you know ... I'd be more inclined to be on her side if she actually sang well enough to prove her point.

She wasn't THAT bad, but If she'd been a better singer (and hadn't been dressed in costume), I think they would have put her through.

And as for girls who come in and sing jazzy tunes. Didn't they learn anything from the girl who was booted last year (Leslie?) after singing "Feelin' Good"? She said it herself in her sing-out: AMERICA HATES JAZZ!

Oh, I missed this show. As much as it irks me sometimes, I've missed it.
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Old 01-16-2008, 12:49 PM   #83
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I thought it was funny that the last two girls were exactly the same age, 24. One was the star wars girl, the other the sweet blonde. Hard to believe the maturity difference in the two!
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Old 01-16-2008, 01:26 PM   #84
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Oh, and Princess Leia girl? You said they don't take dorks. I hate to break it to you, but they took Clay Aiken. And Taylor Hicks. And he WON.

Maybe not the same kind of dorkiness you meant, but still.

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Old 01-16-2008, 01:33 PM   #85
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Originally posted by Bonochick


She made me cry, I just wanted to give her a big hug.

That "No Sex Allowed" dude made me laugh out loud. I wanted to hear the rest.
Ahem, Bonochick:
http://cdbaby.com/cd/miloturk
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Old 01-16-2008, 01:45 PM   #86
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Love the review Golightly Grrl
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Old 01-16-2008, 02:25 PM   #87
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Quote:
Originally posted by Golightly Grrl


Ahem, Bonochick:
http://cdbaby.com/cd/miloturk
LOL!!!! NO Sex Allowed
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Old 01-16-2008, 04:44 PM   #88
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Originally posted by Golightly Grrl


Ahem, Bonochick:
http://cdbaby.com/cd/miloturk
AHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

I'm tempted.
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Old 01-16-2008, 05:10 PM   #89
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Here's an interesting article about the state of American Idol.

It does contain mild spoilers about the finalists - only one is mentioned by name, but it talks more about the KIND of people who make it into the finalists, rather than a list ... although there apparently is a link to a specific list.

Based on what they say about the kinds of folks being finalists, I'm not sure yet if I find that intriguing or kind of annoying:

http://blogs.villagevoice.com/status...an_idols_1.php
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Old 01-16-2008, 05:49 PM   #90
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Oh, and Princess Leia girl? You said they don't take dorks. I hate to break it to you, but they took Clay Aiken. And Taylor Hicks. And he WON.

Maybe not the same kind of dorkiness you meant, but still.

And don't forget Elliott Yamin!
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