Paula's drug of choice tonight: quaaludes. Excellent. My drug of choice? Jameson’s, and therefore this will be long and rambling. Sorry.
Luke - It's kind of amazing how such a silly, happy song can so clearly spell demise for an Idol singer. He actually sounded fine and George Michael is a good fit for his voice, but my god. The cheese here turned me lactose intolerant. I doubt “Father Figure” was on the list of available songs (I hear they only get 50 to choose from, which is bullshit), but if it was he probably could have pulled an Ace Young and saved himself for another week. So cute. So doomed.
David A. - This kid is going to win this whole fucking thing, isn’t he?
Okay, I give. Yeah, he's too young. Yeah, his ridiculously vague "this song is for people who don't have anything and calls attention to that" was pure Miss America -- and he was actually sincere when he said that! Wow. My black, cynical heart cannot comprehend that. But I have a confession here: I freaking love Phil Collins. I grew up on cheesy 80s music, and Phil-fronted Genesis and his solo stuff is exactly the kind of thing I listened to in elementary school. And I didn't know David played piano, so good on him for that. Uncle, Idol. You win. I can't dislike this kid. It'd be like getting angry at a cute fuzzy bunny. He’s like Josh Groban: amazing voice, over-the-top-sincerity, and kinda robot-like. The favored contestant for the grandmothers of the world.
Danny - Oh, Danny. You forever earned my love and respect for mocking Simon's moose-antlers hand gesture from last week. I think you're fabulous. I want to hang out with you and go shopping and gossip and eat Ben & Jerry’s out of the carton and paint each other’s toenails while we watch Project Runway together. So why, why do you insist on singing songs a full step lower than you need to? Your lower register is ass. I know this and America knows this. I don't think you know this, which is weird because otherwise you‘re pretty self-aware, which is the only reason I don‘t hate you. You started the song so low that the big "money" notes were right in the middle of your range, which isn't impressing anybody. Sing. In. A. Higher. Key. Arrgg. So frustrating, especially since I think the arrangement was awesome.
David H. - A guy singing a Celine Dion song is gayer than Danny Noriega, and not in a good way, because the way in which Danny is gay is fucking awesome. Vocally, it was probably the strongest of the night. Isn’t the original version of this song 12 minutes long or something? It feels that way, even when it’s condensed into a minute and a half. I dunno here; it was a strange mix of “really good” and “competent, but who gives a shit?” Not sure what to think of this one.
Michael - Finally, something decent from him! Great song, but I think Randy is confusing Simple Minds with INXS, because I still don’t buy the Michael Hutchence comparison, which is only slightly less blasphemous than it was in previous weeks. Unlike most of the guys, Michael’s solid with his lower register, so this worked, and it was smart to add the key change at the end, because we know how Idol loves its loud glory notes.
David C. - My first “holy shit!” moment of the night when I realized what song he was singing. I loves me some Lionel Ritchie, be it in his badass-afro-wearing-with-the-Commodores phase or his greasy-jeri-curl-solo-artist phase. My second “holy shit!” came when I realized this was really, really good. Luke took a cheesy song and did nothing with it; David Cook took a cheesy song and actually made it interesting. His voice is better than what I had originally thought; nice falsetto. Smart. Very, very smart.
Jason - My third “holy shit!” of the night. Jeff Buckley? Wow. (And yeah, I know it’s a Leonard Cohen song, but Mr. Buckley owns this one and we all know it.)
I sometimes worry about Jason, because as I mentioned earlier, Idol is all about loud singers and big glory notes. Jason is not about either of these things. He’s got a really cool tone to his voice that I love, and (as Paula pointed out in her one moment of clarity) he’s really clever with his phrasing. Everything I like about him is subtle, and Idol just doesn’t do subtle -- which is why I was shocked when Simon praised this, because he’s usually spot-on but he has that same glory-note blind spot that the rest of the show has. Luckily for Jason, he’s incredibly good-looking in an interesting and memorable way, which kind of offsets the fact that he’s not a belter. This was almost perfect, save for that one falsetto note at the end. That note killed me, because without it, it might have been one of my favorite performances on the show, ever -- a beautiful, classic song that wasn’t oversung (*coughDavidImaginecough*). Some songs need to be reinterpreted (“Hello“), and some just don’t need to be fucked with (“Hallelujah,” “Imagine”). Well played, Jason.
Chikezie - A really excellent vocal on a very hard song to sing, but he had the misfortune to perform after David Cook and Jason. I’m in the same place with Chikezie as I am with David Hernandez: really great voice, interesting song choice, and would never in a million years buy an album or a concert ticket. They’re like the two greatest cruise ship singers in the world. And hey, that’s not an insult to either of them. The world needs cruise ship singers too, and most people couldn’t pull that shit off if they tried. So: very good, but not a chance in hell of winning this competition, so why bother?
Best of the night: David C. and Jason.
Honorable mention: Michael.
Going home: definitely Luke, and probably Danny (dammit), though I could see a surprise elimination in the form of David H. or Chikezie.
It was simple and gorgeous. Next to Jeff Buckley, who's version will never be touched, this might be my favorite cover of this beautiful song. I wished we could've heard him sing the whole thing.
I finally saw my whole first episode tonight
