AI Recaps-March 6th
The Top 8 Guys
Tonight the guys reveal little known secrets about themselves to the AI watching public. Fortunately, they are not too TMI about it. After hearing Jared dedicate “Let’s Get it On” to his parents, I don’t know how much I can take. Oh, there is some singing...allegedly.
Blake (All Mixed Up)-Blake let’s us know that he’s really into improv comedy. His alter ego Jimmy Walker Blue shows up...and mercifully leaves. Blake sings a 311 song showing that he’s current on today’s artists. Of course the judges aren’t aware of this song. I think their musical collections ended somewhere in 1987. Blake conveys another flavor to his singing by showing a reggae side. The beat boxing returns. I’m afraid the beat boxing might be too much of a crutch. It’s okay for now, but he might want to put the beat boxing away during the theme nights.
Sanjaya (Waiting on the World to Change)-Sanjaya’s little secret? He can hula dance. Okay, but can he perform better than he has in past weeks? Sadly, the answer is no. Sanjaya remains outclassed by other singers in the competition. He has no energy. Give this kid a Red Bull...or ten. However, I’m sure the power of his hair, whether curly, flat ironed, or looking like Paula’s, will bring in the tween vote. Parents of America, please ground your kids for a week and take away their phone privileges. I’m begging you, please!
Sundance (Jeremy)-Sundance reveals to us that he’s actually thin, but wears a fat suit on camera. Sundance sings an iconic Pearl Jam song. Wow, this song brings back memories, days and nights of wearing my Doc Martens and dying my hair black. Rock music is not Sundance’s strong point. I’m all for the power, but he shouted throughout the song. Sundance isn’t good enough to touch the hem of Eddie Vedder’s tattered flannel shirt. Sundance needs to jump back into his box and tape it shut. However, he’ll probably make it to the top 12 and torture me during theme weeks.
Chris R (Tonight I Wanna Cry)-Chris R was a football player and has lost 40 pounds since his gridiron days. I guess Sundance found them. Chris sings a Keith Urban country song and boy bands it for all it’s worth. Despite being nasally and boring, he gets a tongue bath from the judges. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s the Chosen One. I guess he seems safe, malleable and completely personality-free, the perfect candidate for AI to impose their narrowly-focused vision.
Jared (If You Really Love Me)-Jared played Division 2 basketball. He also sings a song by an artist that is way overplayed on AI, Stevie Wonder. I like Stevie Wonder, but enough is enough. Can we have a Stevie-free season? Jared does have a lot of energy and his voice did sound pretty good, but compared to most of this lot, that’s not saying much. It was good in a karaoke way, but not in a star-making way.
Brandon (I Just Want to Celebrate)-Brandon reveals he’s a classical pianist, but won’t be singing any classical music. Instead he charges things up a bit more since last week, and sings a high-energy song by Rare Earth. Despite a few runs that don’t work, Brandon brings a vibrancy and rock edge to his performance. I didn’t think he was unmemorable like Simon did, but I wonder if he’ll survive over lesser candidates (Sanjaya, I’m looking in your direction).
Phil (I Need You)-Our resident baldy used to have long hair, Then he joined a cult, I mean a college group, and cut his hair short. Phil sings a song that his voice can’t quite handle. To me, his voice is too unpleasant, very guttural. Between the stupid hat, and his odd voice, Phil is like a Muppet that sings. And the judges didn’t seem too thrilled with his song choice.
Chris S (We All Want to Be Loved)-Chris has a secret to tell us. Before he was Sideshow Bob, he used to have very short/shaved hair. Chris’ performance is probably the best of the night, but look at the guys I’m comparing him to. He doesn’t have much to compete with. Compared to past years, Chris would be totally wiped off the show by stronger and more talented singers. He should thank his lucky stars he’s competing against such a lackluster bunch. However, I will give him credit for picking a song by a group outside of the AI box, DC Talk. I’m sure it was a shout out to all of his Christian homies at Bob Jones University.
Once again, the guys are completely underwhelming, and I wouldn’t mind if most of them didn’t show up next week. I first thought I wasn’t getting into the show because I’ve been suffering from a bad head cold for the past few days (that’s my “reveal” for the week). But no, the guys are really, really bad. Mommy, make them stop.