Alert Procedures - witty!

[anitram]

Some of these are absolutely fantastic!

http://www.iidb.org/vbb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=46223

 

[bonosloveslave]

 

[U2SavesTheWorld]

 

[samralf]

 

[meegannie]

Remain calm: Even in the event of a new wave of terror attacks Swatch (honory member of the New Europe) will continue to provide the American people with a wide selection of quality suitcases and travel bags.

These are BRILLIANT!!!

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

!!!!!!!!!!!

*wipes tears from eyes* i think i have woken up my neighbors.

hahahaahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[q]

If your dumb ass does get trapped under stuff, amuse yourself in your final moments with shadow puppets.

In the event of emergency, find a 3-story, 10-foot-high building. The midgets inside will be sure to help you. Remember, just follow the enormous red arrow protruding from your crotch. [/q]

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

[q]

If you see a nuclear explosion, pull off the road and take some snapshots.

If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell.

The middle of a terrorist attack is not an appropriate time to catch up on your reading or paperwork.

Swinging it around and making "whoosing" sounds won't help. [/q]

oh am i glad i opened this thread!!!!!!!

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

sorry, this thread is too fucking funny. i have tears rolling down my eyes!

[q]

While cowering under your desk to avoid falling debris, take time to check you are wearing clean white socks.

If a terrorist comes to your window, tell him to talk to the hand cuz the face ain't listenin'

While on fire is not an appropriate time to show-off your "running man" dance moves. [/q]

 

[BAW]

hilarious...I'm laughing like a loon

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

you and i both char. i have tears rolling down my face!

[q]

"I'm not too comfortable around guns, but THIS might impress my NRA friends!" [/q]

 

[BAW]

If a terrorist comes to your window, tell him to talk to the hand cuz the face ain't listenin'

this one almost made me lose bladder control


*edited to say...I'm still laughing and I've read it 10 times!

 

[Stories for Boys]

those are too funny! i'm literally laughing very loudly...

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

!!!!!!!!!! oh hell, that one made me laugh so hard that my stomach is starting to hurt.

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

[q]

If there's a radiation source in the next room, stand facing the wall as close as you can to ensure maximum dosage.

Under the New Patriot Act, it is deemed Unamerican for sissies to get trapped underneath rubble.

Remember, if you look at internet porn, God will strike you down. Do not attempt to flee from His Justice. [/q]


i can't stop posting!

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

ok this is it and i am calling it quits and going to bed.

lmfao!

[q]

Candy-gram! [/q]

 

[BAW]

If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud

 

[daisybean]

holy shit those are great

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

just thought i would share that my stomach is sore as hell right now due to all of the laughing..

 

[daisybean]

http://www.idlewords.com/chemical.html

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

lmfao! thanks for the link daisy!

[q]

1.
Piles of rotting animals may mask the odor of a chemical attack. Clear your home of dead animals frequently.

2.
If a chemical weapon follows you home, try to act casual.

3.
You may wish to consider leaving the country.

[/q]

i love these! hahaha!!

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

[q]

1.
If deadly radiation knocks on your door, do not answer.

2.
Most nuclear explosions will be less than a city block wide. Consider running in a direction away from the blast.

3.
After an attack, beware of giant terrorists roaming the streets. Seal up oversize doors in your building with plastic sheeting and duct tape.[/q]