A Poll: On Relationships...

[clarityat3am]

If you found a really incredible person and you just clicked with this person and everything was going wonderfully, but then you found out they had really bad credit/filed bankruptcy, would this be a factor in whether or not you continued the relationship? Thoughts?

 

[Angela Harlem]

After giving this about 10 seconds of thought, I'd say no for now. Bad money management can be easily retaught to be better. Of course the situation may need some serious weighing up, like what circumstances caused it in the first place. Someone who has made what seems like a blatantly stupid choice may be like that in general and quick to jump to rash and illogical decisions. If there's a pattern of that in the rest of their lives, I'd still continue I think, but tread carefully and be a bit watchful. Building up a great relationship with anyone will eventually lead to a mutual financial situation and habits they have that they aren't willing to break could eventually effect you directly.
Its said that money is the number one cause of relationship breakups, and while that is not a comforting thought, the chances are more likely that the person simply had an unfortunate combination of a bit of bad luck + a few poor decisions + maybe a not so capable grasp of money handling. If it was a one off incident, most people will learn the hard way and not be likely to make those same mistakes again.
Another thing I'd probably want to know is how they feel about it. If they're particularly blase about it, then I'd be a bit concerned, but if they show signs of being troubled by it, I'd not worry so much - its most likely going to be a learning curve for them.

 

[martha]

^ Yep. What she said.

 

[beegee]

hell yes it would stop me.
not being able to manage personal finances is a huge sign of irresponsibilty.

 

[adamswildhoney]

undecided!

 

[Screaming Flower]

hell yes it would stop me.
not being able to manage personal finances is a huge sign of irresponsibilty.

what she said.

 

[pub crawler]

If you found a really incredible person and you just clicked with this person and everything was going wonderfully...

I would think that if those were the circumstances, i.e. you REALLY clicked with this person like nobody you had ever found before, it wouldn't be difficult to put aside and forgive the "bad credit" issue. You'd make certain rules for the future, that's all.

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

Yes. It sure as hell would stop me.

 

[pax]

I wouldn't end the relationship, but I don't think I'd marry them until their money management skills got better. When you start getting into joint mortgages, checking accounts, etc., what they do can damage your credit. I was actually in this situation once, and it resulted in a checking account of mine (which I'd foolishly let my boyfriend of the time put his name on) being closed by my credit union--NOT a good thing.

I say keep things going, because money management can be learned and things can be improved. But don't go into ANYTHING legal on a joint basis until he has cleaned things up enough.

 

[Salome]

yep,
that's why nothing ever happened between Screaming Flower and me

 

[ILuvLarryMullen]

yes, it would. Like other people said, it's a big sign of irresponsibility. I had a roomate that was really bad with money, and that caused a big enough pain in the neck, so being married to someone like that would probably be 10x worse.

 

[~fairy_girl~]

i dont think it would stop me having a relationship with sombody. but i'd definately think twice about lending them money

 

[deep]

I have had girlfriends with bad finances and it has not been a problem for me. Most of the time it was not a continued behavior.


I do not look to others for finacial security.

I can understand how a continued pattern of financial irresponsibility would undermine any sense of security.

 

[hiphop]

nope, wouldn?t stop me. never mix love and money.

two things... how did you find it out, did he tell you?

and, maybe you shouldn?t marry. but i absolutely don?t see why on earth finances should make any difference if its about love.

 

[Sicy]

Hard to say.. depends on the situation. One of my ex's actually wanted to get married, however, he was dirt poor and had credit cards with unbelievable amounts maxed on them. It may sound selfish but I did not want to marry into debt, since I usually manage my money well.

Aside from the fact that he wasnt "the one"

 

[Screaming Flower]

yep,
that's why nothing ever happened between Screaming Flower and me

otherwise i would have had 10 dutch bubbies by now.

 

[Sicy]

dutch babies

 

[deep]

ah,

wooden booties

 

[Screaming Flower]

sorry i hijacked this thread.

dutch babies

salome and i and our million dutch babies would live in a windmill.

 

[KhanadaRhodes]

i voted no. not everyone who's got bad credit or has declared bankruptcy is "irresponsible" with their money. yes, there are the type like my aunt who always maxes out her credit cards, and basically lives off of her credit cards. there are people i've seen at the apartment complex my husband works at who get evicted because they just didn't feel like spending the money their parents sent them on the rent.

however, there are people who have to have their house foreclosed because someone loses a job, and just can't find anything, especially if the economy is in the shitter. there are people who have had to declare bankruptcy and have had to lose almost everything, because the only money that was coming in was some unemployment and money from the other spouse working three shifts. the embarrassment that, years later when things are better, it's still on their record but you still can't get any credit cards, and any place that uses equifax to verify checks will refuse your checks, so you have to have the utter embarrassment as the cashier seems to yell that it's been denied. and you have to hope you have enough cash on you to pay for groceries, even though you've got more than enough in checking.

my point? there are two sides to every issue, and not every person with money problems asked for. it's like yelling "get a job" at a panhandler: it's not the real issue at hand, and maybe that person has tried their damndest to find even the most demeaning job none of us would work, but no one will hire them.

 

[cujo]

ah,

wooden booties

Do they make clogs that small... or do they take after salome and have well-endowed feet?



I think I actually made a positive comment to another interferencer... am I on drugs?

 

[cell]

my ex destroyed my credit. so...yes, its a factor.

 

[therulz]

I said NO

Past financial problems wouldn't stop me with the right person. You would need to iron out he financial problems before linking them. It just delays setting the date of the wedding and buying a home...not the fact that it's going to happen.

Check them out thoroughly.

 

[flylover]

it all depends...does the problem leak into the relationship? like, do they need you to pay for everything all the time? (like rent and food, not movies and stuff.) that could be problematic. but if they just have management issues (like, hey, look, a paycheck...should I save it or spend it?) then I would think things could be worked out. It can be hard to find folks with whom you click!!

 

[Salome]

pfffft

salome and i and our million dutch babies would live in a windmill.

yesh!

we would make our living selling tulips
if only it hadn't been for the financial mismanagement thingie

 

[zonelistener]

I don't think it is about financial irresponsibility.

Think about the economy and the number of people out of work.....I know a lot of people out there right now who are struggling right now. They bought houses and whatnot - and then, due to no fault of their own, their companies tanked, they lost their jobs.

Now, they are having a tough time making ends meet and finding jobs (and they are not living at home or have parents that can give them money). They have to just pull themselves out of situations. They are not bad people - they have just been hit by the economy or something.

Mind you - there are people who have been financially irresposnsible - and never grow out of it too.

Financial troubles a deal breaker: depends on the charachter of the person!

P.S. - I have told myself, I should not date someone if I am having financial problems - and I haven't in tougher times (when I wasn't working, etc. etc.)

 

[Kristie]

no

story:
my mama declared bankruptcy about 2 years ago... right when she hooked up with my soon-to-be stepdad (he moved in). Her problem was credit cards... the saying "out of sight, out of mind" was taken way too literally with her. She'd had a much higher paying job years ago, and due to family reasons had to quit and could only get other jobs that paid lower, and she never really got used to that.
Anyway, we just don't give her any credit cards, and Tim does most of the handling of money, since he makes a lot more than she does anyway. They don't have any joint accounts because she has really craptastic credit.
It works out very well.

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

i wouldn't stop dating a person if i found out they had troubles in the past. those troubles like jeff stated could be for number of reasons. i know people who had to file for bankruptcy because they were ripped off by a former boyfriend or girlfriend. i know many who have turned their life around to get their spending and responsibility on spending back on track. but again like jeff said i know those who are still in the bad habit of spending and do not make forth the effort of changing those bad habits.

 

[oliveu2cm]

I say yes. But I like security. it coulda been a fluke, but it also could be a red flag. I guess find out which it is, and continue carefully.

 

[womanfish]

No. Let love rule! Just let them know it's a concern and to get everything cleaned up before any marriage or combining of finances. And if you don't love and trust someone enough not to ruin you financially, then you shouldn't be getting married anyway.